To not like the fact my child is grouped under the term “vulnerable”

[NiknicK]

So my 10 year old ds has autism and because he attends specialist school he is automatically classed as vulnerable. He is currently still attending his small autism specialist school but he’s doing so because school have made a place available to every child. I agreed for him to go because during the first lockdown he didn’t go at all and he struggled with the change of routine, didn’t give his older brother (18) the quiet time he needed to do his work etc and I was also working from home which was very difficult to do as my husband continued to work full time outside of the house and I had zero help.

I’m grateful that my ds can still attend school but I resent the fact that he is classed as vulnerable because of his Sen. Now don’t get me wrong there are some kids at my ds’s school who are vulnerable, very much so. Some have services involved due to CP issues, some families have broken down and need extra support, some (older secondary dc) have the youth offending team involved etc, but my son’s circumstances couldn’t be any further from this.

He has two loving parents, we both work, he has an older brother who looks out for him, we have permanent housing, he has his own bedroom and space to play. He has enough technology to do his school work, we have (pre covid) plenty of days out together, he’s fed and clothed well etc. A lot of kids aren’t lucky enough to have this and it’s awful. I’m not offended that they assume all Sen kids need extra help as most of these kids will need this help for the rest of their lives, what I am offended with however, is that my son is assumed to be in need when all of his needs are met.

My daughter has autism and I would say she is vulnerable because of that not because of child protection issues, there’s no way she would be able to do any of the work, and I would struggle to get her to do any as I’m a lone parent and also have 3 other children, so she is in school. We have no social worker involvement she’s purely vulnerable in terms of her education.

However I see where your coming from as I saw someone saying that school places are for key workers kids and kids whose “parents don’t look after them.” 🙄

I have an adult son who is vulnerable (ASD, some learning disabilities, used to go to special school). It's a fact.. he's vulnerable and every year he is invited to a special check up with the GP because he's on that list.
Are we offended? No..we are glad that there is a system of checks ongoing because one day his loving parents and siblings won't necessarily be around.
School is the same.. I work in my son's school.. every child is classed as vulnerable because of their disabilities.. some are from very well to do families, most are from very supportive loving homes, and a few are from absolutely dreadful backgrounds.. they are all classed as vulnerable but trust me we know which ones we are concerned about. No one judges on the label..it just means they have needs which make school a good option right now.

I think you need to assess your own perception of what vulnerable means.

@NiknicK

Well academically he is behind but he is very verbal and would be classed as high functioning. I don’t like that term myself but that’s how other people see him I think. Maybe I am over thinking it.

I can understand how you feel. There are connotations attached to the word which suggest lack of parental support, poverty etc but these don’t apply to you. You know that so just accept it’s handy, catch-all terminology.

It’s easy for others to castigate.

Although your DS is 10, it sounds like you might benefit from some support in coming to terms with, and accepting, the reality of his diagnosis.

My DD3 has an autism diagnosis (as well as developmental delays) and although she is still young and we don't know how she will develop, I would see her as vulnerable because she has developed at a different pace when compared to her peers. We are privileged in a lot of ways, so I don't see that vulnerable translates the same way you have.

The word vulnerable has a number of different applications, and is in no way a slight on you, or your parenting. Please try and move past this, if you can access some therapy, that may help you to do so.

There are many reasons someone can be vulnerable during this pandemic. I think your very negative attitude to the children he is at school with is clouding your judgment.

If he doesn't need extra help take him out of school like the rest of the country, though it sounds like he meets the criteria and needs to be there.

It's not a criticism of you.

Thank god you're in a country that is able to help support those kids in society who needs it. There are plenty of places in the world that dont have these safety nets.
If you're so upset by it then withdraw his autism statement and look after him ,at home by yourself.

Your last paragraph of your op is terribly snobby.

My eldest had ADHD and he's classed as vulnerable, so he is attending school.

And yes, you're right OP. It is just a word, but words have stigma. And when you've spent so many years having to deal with the system, having to deal with social workers just to fight for help with educational needs, knowing those social workers visit your house in-between visits to houses where children are being mistreated, you can't help but feel uncomfortable.

I remember when discussing how to start my eldests EHCP, talking to a social worker (who ended up like most, doing bugger all) and noticed she was writing something about my youngest. That DD was "clean and in clothes that fitted". And you can't help feeling, FFS I've asked you to come and help with one child's education, which you're continually useless at assisting with, and you're sat here documenting that I'm capable of washing one of the others.

I know it's obligatory paperwork, but it's easy to say "ignore it" when you haven't been through the mill with this system for years, and putting up with their failings.

Apologies, rant over, but OP, I know exactly how you feel, and it's not because I don't understand a word can have many meanings. I know we've sat through the same

I remember the SEN teacher telling me my autistic son was vulnerable and I nearly said "I don't think so...."
It's not a term I would use in reference to my son or other SEN children but I understand why it is used and in the history of language of words previously used it could be hell of a lot worse. It's not a battle I'm worrying about...

Hope he's benefitting from being in a school routine.

YABU
I have a child with autism in a special school, he could attend as a vulnerable child but we have decided to keep him home.

You are getting far too hung up on the word "vulnerable".

You are being very unreasonable.

Adjust your understanding of what "vulnerable" means in this context and rein in your judgement about other families fgs. Your judgment is contributing to the stigma you feel is attached to that term.

I am grateful that my ASD kids have been offered additional support from their school - if anyone with non-SEN kids want to pass judgement, I will happily share with them the lifetime struggles that my kids have, see what they would swap for those needs.

@Reinventinganna

Your last paragraph of your op is terribly snobby.

No it isn’t.

I get it OP. My DC are theoretically vulnerable in these circumstances by virtue of being adopted and having spent time in care.

But now they have lovely lives!

So it does feel odd but the speed at which things have been happening means they just came up with a blanket term for everyone who needs it.

Sounds like you haven't come to terms with his special needs if you are finding this offensive. Vulnerable is not synonymous with neglected.

Of course he is vulnerable! (As is my asd ds)
One word can have lots of different meanings,
He is vulnerable because of his disability not because of the type of home he comes from or the background he has.

My cousin has a son who has autism and is high functioning. Whilst I would not use the term vulnerable, there are situations which he could not handle as most people do. It's not a criticism in my opinion.

Your child is vulnerable - the nature of his SEN makes him so. Vulnerable doesn't mean living below the poverty line or being neglected although those children would also be vulnerable. Teachers have enough on their plates at the moment without having to invent a whole new category for your child.

Your child being vulnerable doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It just means your child needs some extra support. This category has been around since long before covid.

My sister was classed as vulnerable because she had social anxiety. Loving home life, no financial worries, high achiever, but she needed some support at school, like extra visits to support the transition to sixth form college. This was about a decade ago. I’m sure my parents didn’t feel judged, and my sister was grateful for the help transitioning.

My teenager has ASD and comorbidities plus an EHCP. They also have a secure home, devices to access education and two loving parents etc. Oh an above average academic attainment.
They are vulnerable in as much as they're too trusting, get taken advantage of, struggle to be verbal when stressed and without a strong advocate they could easily fall through the cracks.
The things we have in place mitigate that vulnerability.

You really, really need to let this go.

My child has ASD, ADHD, GAD and sensory processing disorder. I speak as a parent who has met lots of people using negative language about him, mostly due to ignorance. That’s ok. I don’t get offended about it, I simply try to tell them the facts and hopefully that will give them knowledge and insight in to his autism. I’m not offended by him being put into the ‘vulnerable’ bracket either. There are so many degrading names for disabilities that ‘vulnerable’ is to me very inoffensive. One thing you’ll learn along your journey is to grow a thick skin and pick your battles.

My son has ASD and in a small private SEN school. I cant get worked about a word. My son will never read or write so he will become a vulnerable adult.

You say all his needs are met, but if he didn't go to school his educational needs wouldn't be met and your older son's need for study time wouldn't be met and your employers' need for both parents to do a job wouldn't be met, which might mean that comfortable home and two-income family would not be the status quo for long.

When disability opens the door, poverty flies in through the window. Your family is more vulnerable than an identical family where there are no SENs.