Page 6 | To not like the fact my child is grouped under the term “vulnerable”

Mascaramademehappy · 13/01/2021 14:58

Don’t send him then - you don’t like the label yet are taking a space- you can’t have it both ways!

marshmallowfluffy · 13/01/2021 15:03

I agreed for him to go because during the first lockdown he didn’t go at all and he struggled with the change of routine, didn’t give his older brother (18) the quiet time he needed to do his work etc and I was also working from home which was very difficult to do as my husband continued to work full time outside of the house and I had zero help.

He may not be vulnerable in a neglect kind of way but not going to school will have a bigger effect on him than the average child so I think that vulnerable is applicable here.

WeAreShiningStars · 13/01/2021 15:11

His SEN is severe enough to warrant a place at a special school, schools where places are few and hard to come by.

By definition that makes him vulnerable.

You sound like a snob, tbh.

Effitall · 13/01/2021 15:35

@marshmallowfluffy

I agreed for him to go because during the first lockdown he didn’t go at all and he struggled with the change of routine, didn’t give his older brother (18) the quiet time he needed to do his work etc and I was also working from home which was very difficult to do as my husband continued to work full time outside of the house and I had zero help.

He may not be vulnerable in a neglect kind of way but not going to school will have a bigger effect on him than the average child so I think that vulnerable is applicable here.

This

MotherExtraordinaire · 13/01/2021 15:43

I get why you don't like it. But he meets the definition :
Vulnerable children and young people include those who:

are assessed as being in need under section 17 of the Children Act 1989, including children and young people who have a child in need plan, a child protection plan or who are a looked-after child
have an education, health and care (EHC) plan
have been identified as otherwise vulnerable by educational providers or local authorities (including children’s social care services), and who could therefore benefit from continued full-time attendance, this might include:
children and young people on the edge of receiving support from children’s social care services or in the process of being referred to children’s services
adopted children or children on a special guardianship order
those at risk of becoming NEET (‘not in employment, education or training’)
those living in temporary accommodation
those who are young carers
those who may have difficulty engaging with remote education at home (for example due to a lack of devices or quiet space to study)
care leavers
others at the provider and local authority’s discretion including pupils and students who need to attend to receive support or manage risks to their mental health

And probably, from what you were saying for his own MH nerds in the March lockdown.

It's not derogatory in the way when we were growing up it would have been viewed.

reginaphalangeeee · 13/01/2021 15:45

@LonginesPrime

Regina, for access to school during lockdown, having an EHCP means a child automatically qualifies as vulnerable - there are other ways a child can be deemed vulnerable because of SEN (school or council deeming them so, etc), but having a diagnosis does not in itself meet the criteria.

I’ve never thought of him as vulnerable
Being caught under a legal definition for the purpose of access to education does not change who a person is or what they're capable of - it's just a criterion so that everyone (schools, government, parents, support groups, etc) is on the same page as to who has what legal rights during a period where the law needs to be amended regularly to reflect updated Covid guidance.

I find it odd that you wouldn't regard someone who needs a full-time carer as vulnerable - if something happened to their carer, they would clearly struggle to live independently. My DC are in this position and when I am fighting for services for them, I highlight their vulnerability where relevant. Their disabilities aren't obvious and they have limited insight into their divergence and limited ability to articulate their own complex needs to others, so if they were left to do this independently, they would struggle greatly and would be unable to conform to NT expectations. It would prove distressing to all involved.

I don't feel as strongly about it as the OP, I'm not offended by the term or anything, I've just never gave it much thought. So far, there's been no issues with getting services for him (other than loooong waiting lists) and he's an only child so it's all I know, there's nothing to compare it to. I'm aware that at almost 16 he should be able to stay home alone or go to a shop by himself and I'm sue he will at some point in his future be able to do these things.

I guess I just thought, naively, that vulnerable meant similar to what the OP was saying. That also seemed to be the consensus in the thread the other day too.

As I said though, I have no issue with the term "vulnerable" and if that's a category my son comes under and helps him with access to services then it's fine by me.

Serin · 13/01/2021 16:04

My friends live in a £2million pound house, they both have high achieving professional careers. Their adopted DD, is a model pupil. They had a call from school to offer DD a place, as she was considered "vulnerable" by virtue of the fact that she had (when a toddler) been in care.
Friends were really touched by this, they were thrilled that her early start hadn't been forgotten. They haven't taken the place but they certainly were not threatened by the term "vulnerable".
They are only trying to help.

MrsBobDylan · 13/01/2021 17:43

Getting offended is a luxury I can't afford. I spend large swathes of time worrying that one day ds won't be considered vulnerable, that someone won't realise that he is disabled and needs different everything.

It is terrifying that once we are gone, he will have to navigate the world without us.

He was vulnerable at 12 months old he will always be vulnerable. We have been homeschooling during and when I help him it makes me so fucking sad for everything he will never be able to do. I wish his school would just practise counting money and paying in a shop but we can't do that because we have to 'be ambitious' and 'dare to dream'.

I'd rather support my son in his reality thanks.

MustardMitt · 13/01/2021 17:47

I don’t mean this rudely, but get a grip. I have two children that fall under this category - they are vulnerable to fall severely behind not vulnerable from a safeguarding perspective.

Xmasbaby11 · 13/01/2021 17:51

My daughter has ASD but is not on the SEN register. She's able to go to school because DH and I are keyworkers, but otherwise I would want her to be classed as vulnerable and be entitled to go in. It was very damaging to her being off school last time. She cannot do what most NT 9 year olds can do - she needs monitoring a lot at home and a lot of support to do home school. She is only just keeping up academically and it would be disastrous for her to fall more behind, plus emotionally she needs the routine of school. For this reason, I would class her as vulnerable in a way my 6yo NT is not.

LastTrainEast · 13/01/2021 17:52

@NiknicK

So my 10 year old ds has autism and because he attends specialist school he is automatically classed as vulnerable. He is currently still attending his small autism specialist school but he’s doing so because school have made a place available to every child. I agreed for him to go because during the first lockdown he didn’t go at all and he struggled with the change of routine, didn’t give his older brother (18) the quiet time he needed to do his work etc and I was also working from home which was very difficult to do as my husband continued to work full time outside of the house and I had zero help.

I’m grateful that my ds can still attend school but I resent the fact that he is classed as vulnerable because of his Sen. Now don’t get me wrong there are some kids at my ds’s school who are vulnerable, very much so. Some have services involved due to CP issues, some families have broken down and need extra support, some (older secondary dc) have the youth offending team involved etc, but my son’s circumstances couldn’t be any further from this.

He has two loving parents, we both work, he has an older brother who looks out for him, we have permanent housing, he has his own bedroom and space to play. He has enough technology to do his school work, we have (pre covid) plenty of days out together, he’s fed and clothed well etc. A lot of kids aren’t lucky enough to have this and it’s awful. I’m not offended that they assume all Sen kids need extra help as most of these kids will need this help for the rest of their lives, what I am offended with however, is that my son is assumed to be in need when all of his needs are met.

They cast a wide net to be sure they include everyone in it who might need help and you complain? You think they should have interviewed you first to be sure? Maybe moved in for a few months to get a better picture of life in your house?

No one has the time for this kind of nonsense. Just stop using the services if you don't need them.

TheGreatWave · 13/01/2021 18:12

they are vulnerable to fall severely behind not vulnerable from a safeguarding perspective.

Yes they are vulnerable in terms of their education. My ds has autism and has a part time school place, he doesn't work at home so by going to school he is able to do a significant part of his school work. Sadly we were not offered a place under these circumstances (despite issues last year) I originally applied under a KW place even though it is a stretch.

Chloemol · 13/01/2021 18:18

Get over it, just be grateful it’s getting him a place

HazeyJaneII · 13/01/2021 18:21

Ok @NiknicK, I am clearly in a tiny minority on here (its possibly just me!) in saying that I think you have every right to question the terminology.

Personally (and I thought this pre lockdown too) l think the whole categorisation of 'child in need' and 'vulnerable', in educational terms, should be looked at because too often it is conflated with 'at risk'. I know I am not alone in this, lots of the SEN community of Twitter have discussed it, it comes up on Special Needs forums and I know that families I have worked with (working with complex needs in early years) have similar concerns.

I also don't see why you have been called entitled etc and told you should be grateful...

...but as I say, a minority on here, but you aren't the only one and I just wanted to re link to those 2 articles
here with regards Baroness Campbell's views
And
here from Special Needs Jungle.

fucksanta1 · 13/01/2021 18:30

So? My daughter has a learning disability and attends a sen school with ehcp
She's classed as vulnerable because of her needs. Am I offended? No

SnowFields · 13/01/2021 18:35

@mrsed1987

As PP said he is vulnerable because of his autism. It has an effect on his education, its not a critisim of you or him but I can see why you feel its the wrong wording.

This is exactly it. If you were to see an elderly couple in a loving relationship but one had dementia, you would see that person as vulnerable because of the effect on them and not a reflection or criticism of their relationship. It’s a way of looking out for those who need a little extra support.

MustardMitt · 13/01/2021 19:03

at because too often it is conflated with 'at risk' just because your perception is wrong doesn’t actually make it wrong though . None of the teachers are giving your child sympathetic looks and worrying about them because they think they’re at risk of abuse - they understand what it means.

BogRollBOGOF · 13/01/2021 19:29

I wish diagnoses of ASD, dyspraxia and dyslexia were enough to get DS (10) into school. Learning is hard enough in the proper environment let alone having to deal with mummy being the teacher, in a kitchen not a classroom, with daddy's voice through the floorboards, your annoying brother doing anoying things like breathing. And you don't know what to expect each day and peoples' voices are wrong on the computer, anf the teacher sends links to videos so annoying that it sends you into meltdown...

And DS (7) is not a mature learner so he needs spoon feeding too and neither will function without me next to them, and I can't get them covering the curriculum set on 1:1 attention.

They are compromising each other.

It is a vulnerability. They are at disadvantage and a higher risk of falling behind and struggling to keep up with the peers that do cope appropriately.

DS1 does not have an EHCP because his diagnoses were shortly before lockdown#1 and he didn't set foot in school for 5.5 months. If I'd have known that the rest of the school year was being written off, I probably would have tried to keep him in, but at the start, it was the harder parts of school being offered without the benefits.

Although DS1 is very intelligent, his life is harder than it is for NT children. It affects his access to opportunities, he is more vulnerable to struggling and suffering

FutureDuchessofHastings · 13/01/2021 20:25

OP is offended that nice, middle class families like hers might be viewed as, shock horror, the same as every other family of children with SEN. Of course she's nothing like any of the other parents at her son's school as they are all horrific, neglectful, drug taking, single parent child beaters who never take their children on nice days out. As I said before, if your child isn't vulnerable and you can meet all of his needs (despite saying that you couldn't during the last lockdown) then take him out of his school and let a truly vulnerable child benefit from the support, attention and care they deserve.

DorisDaisyMay · 13/01/2021 20:47

He is vulnerable though - it’s not a reflection on you. In a society, where the typical route is self sufficiently and independence is the norm, anyone who deveates from that is vulnerable and relies on external influences and support.

In looking to his and your future, I would embrace any term, and apply for anything, that will enable you to access this support post 25, and as you age.

JADS · 13/01/2021 20:57

I can completely understand what you are saying. I could have written your post only our NT ds is 6.

It took lockdown to make me realise that my ds with ASD is vulnerable. He was devastated not being in school and it made me realise just how much 1:1 attention he needs. He was lucky, his school welcomed him back full time and he is so much happier.

This is not a judgement of our family or yours. Our children struggle enough being square pegs in round holes. Let him enjoy his hard earned school place and be kind to yourself.