To not like the fact my child is grouped under the term “vulnerable”

[NiknicK]

So my 10 year old ds has autism and because he attends specialist school he is automatically classed as vulnerable. He is currently still attending his small autism specialist school but he’s doing so because school have made a place available to every child. I agreed for him to go because during the first lockdown he didn’t go at all and he struggled with the change of routine, didn’t give his older brother (18) the quiet time he needed to do his work etc and I was also working from home which was very difficult to do as my husband continued to work full time outside of the house and I had zero help.

I’m grateful that my ds can still attend school but I resent the fact that he is classed as vulnerable because of his Sen. Now don’t get me wrong there are some kids at my ds’s school who are vulnerable, very much so. Some have services involved due to CP issues, some families have broken down and need extra support, some (older secondary dc) have the youth offending team involved etc, but my son’s circumstances couldn’t be any further from this.

He has two loving parents, we both work, he has an older brother who looks out for him, we have permanent housing, he has his own bedroom and space to play. He has enough technology to do his school work, we have (pre covid) plenty of days out together, he’s fed and clothed well etc. A lot of kids aren’t lucky enough to have this and it’s awful. I’m not offended that they assume all Sen kids need extra help as most of these kids will need this help for the rest of their lives, what I am offended with however, is that my son is assumed to be in need when all of his needs are met.

If you don’t think he’s vulnerable then don’t send him to school.

You sound like a snob. You don't want to be thought of as the same as 'those families' who have the issueses you described. You need to learn what the term 'vulnerable' means in this respect.
Your son is vulnerable because he needs the support and assistance of professionals in a special school. If you insist he's not vulnerable then give up his space there and let a really 'vulnerable' child have it.

As the parent of one SEN. YABU, of course.

I get you OP. My DD has an EHCP and is in school, she has ASD as well. It’s really hard as a parent busting your backside to maximise your child’s quality of life to be told they are vulnerable. It’s not personal to you though. If it opens the door to support just go with it.

Yes you're being touchy. Vulnerable is just a blanket term for children who need to be in school because home learning isn't suitable for them, due to a plethora of reasons, some of which you put in your post.

When he is older you might be very grateful for the term "vulnerable". I have friends who are because they have been able to access the kind of sheltered living their twenty year olds need.

"High" functioning used to just mean "has language" and covers a very wide range of abilities and needs. And sometimes the people with ASD who can "pass as normal" most actually need a lot more help and support because of the effort involved in "passing" and the fact that fewer concessions are made to their needs.

As others have said, vulnerable is not a reflection of you or your husband's parenting, or his home set up - it all sounds lovely for him. It just refers to his additional needs with education. But it doesn't define him, or you.

One of my dc’s is classed as vulnerable, she has ASD and attends a sn school (has a ehcp), it doesn’t mean she’s neglected or at risk of harm at home but it does mean she needs more support and needs a routine to keep her mental health under control, so yes, she is vulnerable. At the moment she is at home but she’s struggling so may have to go back to school in the near future.

He has two loving parents, we both work, he has an older brother who looks out for him, we have permanent housing, he has his own bedroom and space to play. He has enough technology to do his school work, we have (pre covid) plenty of days out together, he’s fed and clothed well etc. A lot of kids aren’t lucky enough to have this and it’s awful. I’m not offended that they assume all Sen kids need extra help as most of these kids will need this help for the rest of their lives, what I am offended with however, is that my son is assumed to be in need when all of his needs are met

And he is still more vulnerable than a child with any SEN who also had all of those things.

without!

I have Autism and consider myself vulnerable. We must be at peace with our weaknesses, and take pride in our strengths.

Some posters are really lacking in empathy here. It is hard to accept your much loved child is classed as vulnerable when are doing your best as a parent. We want our children to go out into the world as confident and independent young people and labelling them as vulnerable implies this will not be safe for them. I’m probably not articulating myself very well but I do understand OP.

He is vulnerable to/at risk of suffering disproportionately due to not going to school during the lockdown. Fsome children may suffer disproportionately because of poverty at home, or chaotic family situations. Your child is likey to suffer disproportionately due to his autism. You yourself said he struggled during the first lockdown.

How would you feel if someone posted about being offended their child has been classed as having SEN because their child has some difficulties with learning so are on the schools SEN register because they felt it implies they have special needs like your child’s?
It’s a form of othering as is your post.

It is a blunt tool. I think that a lot of parents whose children receive pupil premium find the term 'disadvantaged' problematic too. As they feel they provide a warm, loving home and give their children lots of help with education despite needing a bit of financial support from the state due to disability, or unemployment.
For what its work my child with autism is vulnerable - not to the risk of harm from home, but to missing out on education entirely as he can only access it in a particular way.

Surely your dd is t vulnerable in a ‘social/home context’ way but is ‘vulnerable’ because of adverse consequences of not being at school to his particular education needs.
I think most will understand vulnerability to encompass loads of different things.
Hope it going ok Op b

I can see why you don't really like the term "vulnerable" because he's not in terms of having a solid family, having support etc.

But the fact that he has SEN does make him "educationally vulnerable" because he needs the specialist school place and professionals with the appropriate knowledge to support him etc. That does make him a bit vulnerable because if he didn't have that he might struggle in mainstream or at home.

It sounds like you are looking at other kids who are classed as vulnerable and comparing your son to them and thinking they are very different. But actually "vulnerable" is a huge blanket term that encompasses lots of children who need any kind of additional support.

If you don't like the term then there are probably mechanisms whereby you can feed this back to the school/ local social services. But it is very difficult to find one term that can apply to all of those children who need a little extra.

It’s not a judgement on you, it’s an assessment of your child’s needs. I am pretty sure that as concerned parents you made a strong case for your child to be assessed and to be funded to attend the school in the first place because you recognised that he would sink and struggle in mainstream. You acknowledged his vunerability when you accepted the placement, why are you denying it now.

If you don’t want the place then withdraw him and get him a place in mainstream, I bet the school has a waiting list of desperate children who would blossom in the school.

I think YABVU. I have twins who are both autistic and attend a similar school. They are currently isolating after a positive case in their class staff, and the whole school has had to move to a rota of two days per week for each year group.

Absolutely my children are vulnerable - they have 1:1 at school but during the week it’s just me and I can’t engage them in anything meaningful.

The term vulnerable is used generally for those children who need more support than typical children, for myriad reasons. If your child has a place at a specialist school then they clearly do need more support, those places are not easily handed out. It’s not a criticism if you.

YABU. I do understand the sort of visceral instinctive response to you child being classed as vulnerable as I'm in a similar situation. But in this context your child (and mine) is vulnerable because without the structure of school he is at even greater risk of his education suffering than other children. DS is at school as a "vulnerable" child. DD is at home. It feels weird. And DS' challenges are, relatively speaking, quite minor. The main issue is that he is already so incredibly far behind and learning at home is almost entirely pointless for him that he just gets further and further behind in lockdown. This means, by the current definition of vulnerable in the school setting, he is vulnerable. It's an emotive word but you do need to accept it.

Any child with an EHCP is classed as vulnerable for these purposes.

The reason they are classed as vulnerable is outlined in their EHCP - it's all that additional support they need.

Ffs talk about an over reaction. I have 3 sen kids. They are vulnerable as they cannot access their education at home very well due to their sen. My autistic child self harmed when he thought he wasnt going back to school.

Are you worried that your child will be lumped in with the ones who have druggie parents who are still asleep at 11am while they try to do a Zoom lesson without supervision? Are you worried that people might look at you and wonder if you are that parent?

You could always send him in with a placard round his neck saying 'I'm from a two parent household and they both have good jobs' if it makes you feel better.

If you don't want him to be considered vulnerable then you don't want his considered disabled either. Or you could just oversee his learning from home, like everyone else has to.

You can't have it both ways.

I think you are over thinking it. My DS is academically behind, no SEN or anything else and he's classes a vulnerable and in full time. I couldn't care less as long as the proposed situation is the best for him.

My goodness op. How about some gratitude that your son is actually receiving alot of support. You have absolutely missed the boat on that. Massively overthinking for what is technically true.