To think women have a best before date

[Meowmeow202027]

To men that is?
Talking to dh about the fact im turning 30 this year and how since getting married and having 3 kids i feel unattractive and no one cares about my opinions or even looks my way. When men have kids etc there body doesn't change. Pretty much they are the same people as before unlike women.
Sorry for the rambling.

@Hankunamatata

I often joke that if I had the body of my 20s and the confidence I now have in my 40s - it would be an awesome combo

If you had the body of a twenty year old I am sure you would get a lot of attention from the police/forensics.

Yes there are of course men who only want to date someone in their early 20s, so from that perspective you're right - but why do you care?

Yes my life has changed since having DC, but so has their dad's.
If you're not happy with your body, there are things you can do about it - exercise to start with. Being fit becomes much more important when we're getting older and will make a huge difference to both your looks and quality of life.

Who is no longer listening to your opinions? I certainly have a lot more people listening to me at work now that I have 20+ years of experience. And my friends listen to me, as I choose nicer friends and don't waste time on frenemies.

Men's bodies do change - so do their head's - hair loss or less in many cases, they also develop wrinkles as women do ..... why do some people allow for aging in men and pretend it doesn't happen and not in women?

There are men that will love you no matter what age/wrinkles/bigger/smaller etc - it's just you have to find the right one.

All women are not the same and neither are all men. They are not one big group that all like younger women.... love yourself first and then look for love

@user1473878824

I would love to think that we don’t, and I don’t REALLY believe we do, but I can’t remember the last time I stood waiting at a bar and someone tried to chat me up and in all honestly GOD I miss it, I’m 32, no kids, but feel much more invisible than I did in my twenties.

Mid 40s here and when we were still allowed to go to bars or get on trains I'd still get chatted up.

No. How absurd

Is there one for men?

Maybe but the control of childbearing is very much in the hands of women so I guess their decision to make. Personally I like my body how it is so there is no way I am going through childbirth (also career too). If you mean from an age point of view then definitely not.

I actually look and feel better at 32 than 22. Ok, you can see that my face is older. But I exercise regularly and have money for nicer clothes and hair. I feel proud of my achievements and I'm about to make my ultimate dream come true. My 30s are looking better than I ever thought they could. I just need Covid to fuck off so I can get on with it!!!!

Another good thing with being older - I smartened up and dumped the shitty arsehole exH who chipped away at my self esteem. Then managed to spot a good man and for once actually made a good decision about relationships. Wisdom is good!!

TBH I know I chatting to some nice chaps in bars in my day, but actually the ones that stick with me are mainly negative experiences! I'm quite happy to be 'invisible' to sleazeballs. I'm late thirties, and so much happier in my career, financial situation, relationship etc. than I was in my 20s, so this outweighs any negatives anyway.

am 50 and feel the best I ever had and love being able to say no when I don't want to do something and being able to see the funny side more often.... also feel physically stronger and in balance ...

Life begins when women stop caring about what men think of them.

Yes, I am really sad that the following incidents no longer happen to me.

*Some man came up to me to ask for directions and his friend came up behind me and put his hand under my pants and assaulted me.

• Some man knocked on the door to my flat (he got past security) and pulled his joggers down to reveal his cock, I ran past him and in trying to get past me he ripped my T shirt off my shoulder with such force it was ripped in half and I had bruising down my shoulder as I shouted "police".

• Been called on telephone when I was young and harassed down the phone.

• Neighbour who was at least middle aged (white hair, loads of wrinkles) used to wait till my parents cars were not at home and then come over to our house and talk to me, ask me out for coffee and tried to invite me into his house when I walked past.

• Curb crawler trying to get me in his car and I had to repot him to the police.

• Middle aged man coming up to me on train back to London/ Uni coming up to me with 2 drinks and saying "I didn't know whether you preferred a coffee or a coke, so I got both". Then sat there for 3 hours telling me how I had barriers up and he wanted to crash them down, then got aggressive when I didn't want to go for a drink with him after we got off the train.

• No end of men coming up to me in bars, clubs etc. and then getting nasty when I politely declined a drink or any advances.

Not that it matters or is relevant, but I always dressed very modestly and hardly ever made eye contact with men because I used to get loads of hassle and I still got hassled when I was sitting there minding my own business.

Sorry to derail the thread but sell by date and not getting hit on in bars????

Phew, thank God.

Journo alert .

Bollocks. I’m 52 and still hot as fuck. Why wouldn’t I be? I’m smart and funny and of course people listen to me. Why wouldn’t they? As other posters have said, it’s not your job to be an ornament. Go out and live your live without giving a fuck what people think.

I’m turning 30 this year too. I have never felt more attractive. I’m more confident in life and at work than 10 years ago. I have the greatest job in the world that give me the chance to have great adventures. Dating men in their thirties is faaaaaar superior to the unhoned youth versions in their 20’s! I am more assertive, more respected, less socially awkward and take much less shit.

I was worried about crumbling into dust at 30, but all I can say now is I hope things keep going the way they are.

Give me 45 rather than 20 any day!

I think you just give off different vibes when you’re in the whole baby stage. ExH left me for OW when DC was 9mo and I felt like you describe... (I was 32) within 3 months I was smoking hot! Got loads of attention/wolf whistles etc. I think maybe it forced me to think more about me than just very young DC.

I think only if you're judging your worth on "what time of life did the highest number of men want to f* me", which would make you incredibly shallow. If that sounds harsh, it's no harsher than talking about women as if they were pints of milk that went off. This isn't Logan's Run.

Try turning 50 and seeing how invisible you become. I’m sad to say it’s only going to get worse. I think it hit me when I realised I was the oldest person in an office of over 20 people. That said I’ve been happily married for 25 years and as long as my husband thinks I’m attractive and interesting it doesn’t really matter what others think.

It’s a state of mind !
If you feel unattractive at 30 that’s the energy you are sending out to the world , be more positive and love yourself confidence can be very attractive .
I’m 45 this summer and I don’t feel old or out of date at all I’ve been happily married with Dh for 25 years this year with to DCS 20 and 18 and I still get looks from other guys my daughter laughs she says all her guy friends think I’m a milf I find that weird hahahaha but like I said start looking in the mirror and liking what you see xxx

Bloke here for disclosure...
I'd think most people adjust their 'attraction field' to people who are roughly their age bracket....roughly! So I'm of an age when a young woman of 20's or so may be 'gorgeous'...But I'd find a woman of 50'ish and attractive A LOT more interesting and stimulating/sexy, as it goes. She would have a tale to tell.

If you are a woman of 40 feeling bad about being 'overlooked' by 20 y.o blokes, then you may well be setting yourself up for disappointment..

I noticed the opposite physically and very starkly when my high school was trying to get us to all send in things for the 10th reunion (US high school - so we were all 27-29 and some people were really pushing for this in a way that isn't common in the UK).

Pretty much all the guys were already going bald and a lot of them had 'dad bods' & just looked like they'd aged quickly whereas pretty much all the women, including those of us who had multiple children and happily showing pictures of themselves with them, yeah some of them looked more tired, but in general looked young & well & in similar shape to before.

Now it's coming up again and yeah, signs of aging are there, but it's way more noticable in the men than women. I think it largely depends on lifestyle even more than having children - where I'm from, there is a large association with masculinity and alcohol and I think alcohol and other drugs and a generally harder on the body lifestyle can really age people fast. Some of it will also be genetics and other factors - sex probably only plays a small role in this, and I just have a weird sample where there is such a stark divide between the sexes (I joke there must be something in the water).

I also think it's socialization and how we're perceiving things - if we expect X way of people 'looking our way', then we may not notice all the other ways.Maybe because I was raised to think I'm ugly, I've never expected attention, but I notice my friends who say no one looks at them actually get far more than they think, it's just more subtle or not in the way they expect. I don't put full stock in the love languages stuff, but different people have different ways of giving that kind of attention. I also think as a lot of people pair up that some people just switch off looking at other people like that - not everyone obviously, but it's a thing.

You may be in a space OP where your opinion is not being listened to and assume it's because of your attractiveness when it can be other factors like they're assholes or a lack of assertiveness around your opinions - if you assume you won't be listened to, you may act differently than those who think they do.

Attractiveness has absolutely nothing to do with age.
So many 50 and 60 year old women look far better than many women half their age.
A lot of women in their 30's look very overweight these days.
Genes, drugs, smoking, exercise, money, general health, obesity and diet are some of the factors.
A lot of men do fancy older women.
I must be a late bloomer as I felt more attractive in my 40s and now in my 50s.

I understand this because the media really does make you feel this way - and the goalposts are getting younger and younger too, e.g. in the past they implied you were over the hill at 35, then 30, now apparently after 25... 🙄 - fuelled by many older male celebrities dating girls in their early 20s and even younger.

On a personal level, I looked MUCH better in my early-mid 30s than I ever did when I was younger. My face was still young looking and I presented myself a lot better in trend of hair, makeup and clothes choices. I’m 40 now and don’t get as much male attention as I used to, but I think that’s more to do with my current weight rather than my age. I managed to lose two stone last year (sadly regained due to family stress) and suddenly noticed men checking me out a lot more.

I think if you are attractive and you carry yourself well you can be attractive at any age. As you get older you are less likely to tolerate any bullshit too and (at least in my case) are more confident in your choices and decision-making. I only surround myself with people who I genuinely enjoy spending time with now. I was a real people pleaser when I was in my 20s especially and put up with a lot of things I should have.

Whatever age you are, you should consider yourself to be in your prime - like Miss Jean Brodie.

What a quaint thread! Are you a time traveller from the 19th century, OP?
Good grief, woman, get yourself over to the feminist boards and drop all this crap about sell by dates. Women are people, not packets of bloody cornflakes!
I mean this kindly, but please - stop giving a shit about such trivia as your appearance or men’s opinions, and get a life!