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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Spending ££ to celebrate my child's birthday at nursery

116 replies

Birthdayrushfaff · 10/01/2021 11:20

My child turns 3 this week and his nursery have said they will mark the occasion with him on Tuesday (his birthday is Thursday but he won't be in nursery on the day)

I assumed this would just mean me sending him in with a cake and they'd all sing happy birthday and share said cake.

He's on the spectrum and doesn't like fuss. Hated the Christmas party.

My gut told me to get confirmation that was all they were expecting me to send so I sent a text and got a reply today.

It turns out they want me to bring

A banner
Poppers
Cake
Hats for all
Party bags for all of the kids to take home
Balloons
Crisps for all
Drinks for all

The full shebang.

I could try to source all of the above (the party bags being the most daunting, nowhere is open!) but I feel a bit put out if I'm honest.

Is this the norm?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Lemonpiano · 10/01/2021 11:22

If you know that would cause him distress why would you even consider going along with this mad plan?

ShouldIgonow · 10/01/2021 11:22

Just say you’ll send a cake snd they’re welcome to send slices home with the kids! Thank you very much lol

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 10/01/2021 11:22

Just say no - he won't enjoy it, and it isn't his birthday anyway

AbbeyBelfast · 10/01/2021 11:23

This is pretty standard, any birthday my child has had whilst in nursery and preschool has been just like this.

At the end of the day they are trying to make a fuss of YOUR child, to make him and the other kids happy and have a bit of fun during a pretty horrible time.

I find it entitled and frankly bizarre you would feel "put out" that people who care for your child are going out the way to make his birthday special.

converseandjeans · 10/01/2021 11:24

That's ridiculous. The cake sounds plenty. It's not really essential shopping?

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 10/01/2021 11:24

I've had 3 children go through nursery and preschool (3 different) and this has never once been a requirement.

In fact, most places provided cake!

Madmoxxi · 10/01/2021 11:24

I've never heard of it before but I'd probably go along with it given the current circs. However you know your son best, will be enjoy something like this or will it be too much?

sleepyhead · 10/01/2021 11:25

Yanbu! Ds2 also hated birthday parties and being the centre of attention- he would absolutely have refused to join in with this at nursery.

Generally, they did do a cake and birthday child got a badge to wear, but even then ds2 looked pretty unsure in the photo (hated being centre of attention).

I would ask them not to do it and that you'll send in a cake if they still want to do something lowkey.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 10/01/2021 11:26

"I find it entitled and frankly bizarre you would feel "put out" that people who care for your child are going out the way to make his birthday special."

It is not "entitled and bizarre" to want to avoid distressing your child,

itchyfinger · 10/01/2021 11:26

This doesnt sound normal, I think a cake is fine. Party bags?! No way.

InDubiousBattle · 10/01/2021 11:26

I can't imagine that is the norm. When my two were in preschool we would send in sweeties to hand out, they would get a bun with a candle in and could choose a present from a present box. The bun and present were provided by preschool, it was things like a pack of pencils etc. I just sent in sweets and I wouldn't have thought they would allow that at the moment anyway- school specifically said not to send them in.

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 10/01/2021 11:26

I've never heard of that.
Surely with corona they should be limiting what gets taken in anyway.
And most nurseries only have water or milk even on 'party' days as there is always something to celebrate given the number of children and different religions etc
Why wouldn't they have their own banner that they re use rather than a new or personalised one per child?
And aren't poppers dangerous / scary for lots of small children!?
Our nursery expects a cake but went and bought one when we were new and didnt realise this! I've never heard of anything else and dont know of any nursery age kids that have come back with party bags etc
I'd just say your son wont like anything other than cake so you'll just be providing a cake and leave it at that

Original poster
Birthdayrushfaff · 10/01/2021 11:26

@Lemonpiano

If you know that would cause him distress why would you even consider going along with this mad plan?
Because I didn't know they wanted to have a full blown party!

He loves nursery and gets on well there with his peers and I was under the (clearly misguided) impression that they'd just share the cake and wish him a happy birthday.

I should have clarified the expectations sooner but similarly they didn't actually tell me until today.

OP posts:
schmockdown · 10/01/2021 11:27

Party bags??? That's nuts.

ineedaholidaynow · 10/01/2021 11:27

Never known that before.

I assume some places are probably asking you not to even send in cakes/sweets for cross transmission purposes

Bambam2019 · 10/01/2021 11:28

I work in a pre school. We usually do a little dance party before afternoon tea, and then have a cake and sing happy birthday.
But we wouldn’t expect you to provide party bags etc, if you wanted to that’s fine, but we wouldn’t expect it!

movingonup20 · 10/01/2021 11:28

Just go to a larger supermarket, you should be able to source suitable supplies including little party bags. They are trying to make it special knowing parties at home aren't possible

17bluebirds · 10/01/2021 11:28

I've worked in nurseries for year, and never heard of this!
In fact, the opposite. We don't allow this, as we have about 45 children in total, so would be holding a party almost every week!
We also dont allow cake, due to allergies, and we have a healthy eating policy, so no crisps etc. Especially not every week

Jobsharenightmare · 10/01/2021 11:29

Really unnecessary and sounds like they don't know him at all.

PeteringOut · 10/01/2021 11:29

Party bags? Nope! Tbh I would have assumed they’d just sing Happy Birthday at snack time!

Original poster
Birthdayrushfaff · 10/01/2021 11:29

I find it entitled and frankly bizarre you would feel "put out" that people who care for your child are going out the way to make his birthday special

I'm not entitled at all, quite the opposite.

I don't expect them to provide anything, I just wasn't aware they expected me to send in supplies for a whole party. I wasn't asked to.

This is his first year of being in nursery and it's all new to me.

The feeling "put out" is compounded by the fact I have two days to source party bags and contents for 12 children.

OP posts:
ThatIsNotMyUsername · 10/01/2021 11:30

For that’s a lot! I’m the nursery attached to where i used to work the birthday child got to sit on the special chair (a little wooden one painted with ‘happy birthday’) and got to ‘cut’ the toy wooden birthday cake. If a parent brought in a cake that would be nice too.

Chickychoccyegg · 10/01/2021 11:30

Wow, definitely not the jorm round here, ive had 3 kids go through nursery, and also ran a private nursery, in all cases nursery supplied a cake, everyone had a bit for snack or it was sent home, nothing required from parents at all, occasionally parents would bring in balloons or sweets, but nothing was ever expected.
I'd just say no thanks, just take in a cake if you want to, I wouldn't do anything else, especially not party bags, that would be ridiculously unnecessary

BlairCorneliaWaldorf · 10/01/2021 11:31

In the current circumstances this is the only way for children to have/attend a birthday party. I think it’s a nice idea.

But it should be an offer to the parents as to whether or not they want this for their child.

BluebellsGreenbells · 10/01/2021 11:31

*I find it entitled and frankly bizarre you would feel "put out" that people who care for your child are going out the way to make his birthday special

What nonsense!

They expect OP to provide for a party she won’t attend for her son 2 days before his birthday that he’s hate?

DD also disliked the fuss, and nursery were sensitive to her needs - they usually worn a birthday hat and were sang too... they didn’t do this for her as she’d cry.

Just be honest OP and tell them you’ll provide cakes or sweets and that’s it