Am I just really... lazy?

[HensInTheSkirtingBoard]

OK, so obviously it's lockdown so we're not really going anywhere or doing anything. And I have older teen dc who are self-sufficient. And it's winter so it's cold and dark and meh.

But all the same, I can't shake the feeling that I am just becoming a bit of a lazy slob!

I WFH in a fairly full-on job, but at the weekends DH and I spend a lot of time on the sofa, doing pretty much fuck all. I read, knit, MN, doom-scroll Twitter, watch box-sets or films eat chocolate. I do a bit of yoga most days but sometimes that's not much more than just 15 minutes breathing slowly

Either DH or I cook every evening and we go for a long walk every weekend and I do a bit of vague cleaning / tidying but apart from that...not much. And during the warmer months we did more or less the same but just outside and with a bit of herb-growing thrown in.

And I'm not sure whether I'm ok with this, or not, really? I'm not bored, exactly, but it does feel a bit as if I'm wasting time when I could (should?) be doing...more? I can't get over the idea that everyone else is busy and productive and Doing Stuff all the time and I'm just sat on my arse under a blanket all day.

And yes, I know some people are working ridiculous hours and juggling childcare and home-schooling and barely have time to think - I'm not trying to be insensitive to that. But I can't be the only one stapled to the sofa and feeling odd about it, can I?

@Bluesmartiesandpandapop

also everything I could be doing is self motivated, and that's not a good driving factor for me. I'm driven better by external factors. Left to my own devices I'm lazy and a procrastinator. I like working with others, with people. I do a social job for that reason (that I'm now doing but remotely and zoom is fucking stressful too!) Not everyone is self motivated, and in normal times that's ok.

That's so me. Since all the things that I fill my life with were stripped away in March, everything is just a slog through a void of time.

I used to love teaching for its balance of rigid deadlines to make me focus, but having the creativity of the lesson planning and openess of delivering the lesson. Paperwork and childcare issues finished me off though.

I find it hard to concentrate when I'm "on call" with the DCs around which is now 24/7.

Well I’ve just woken up from a nap and reading MN warm & cozy in my bed.

I did a bit of cleaning this morning, then took the kids for a walk in the snow.

Will be putting some pizza in the oven in a minute and finding something we can watch on tv together.

What else are we supposed to be doing?

Firstly I don't think it's the case that everyone else is being productive - far from it! I think a lot of people are struggling with motivation right now, with good reason.

It sounds like you are putting some pressure on yourself and you feel like you should be doing more than you are.

So regardless of what you're doing (which actually sounds like quite a lot to me!) you are feeling bad about it. Why is that? Where's that pressure coming from? Did you used to put pressure on yourself to be busy before lockdown, or is this a new thing?

I think it's interesting to just think about why you may be feeling the way you are and go from there.

@Bluesmartiesandpandapop

IME the more you do the more energy you have. When my life is packed with things to do I get the energy for socialising to work hard, from work to exercise, from exercising to learn new things, from learning new things to clean the house, from cleaning the house to socialise, etc. It's like they all support each other. How is sitting on my bum all morning going to energise me to do something fantastic in the afternoon? It's not, and doesn't. I find not being able to switch off exhausting. A lot of the time I'm just browsing the news or mumsnet finding out what I can do the next day, whilst keeping an eye on my kids while they stare at the TV. But I'm on guard all the time. I rarely find moments of true relaxation, fun, joy, excitement, exhilaration, anticipation, wonder, etc. I don't get into a flow of productivity or creativity. I've stopped having "Eureka!" Moments. It's just a grey tepid sludge life. But I'm stressed and burnt out from being on 'pause' all the time. Being on standby uses nearly as much energy as being on, IYSWIM. And I'm never off. I like to live life in 'full.' Fully awake, fully asleep, fully inspired, fully at peace, fully at work, fully st rest. This is like being in purgatory. I can't wait for the world to switch back to 'full power' mode.

Me too! Feel like I'm turning into a slob, I want my busy life back.

OP - I'm like you. I'm currently on the sofa under a blanket snuggled up with the dogs. I've been like this for 4 hours now, since finishing the jigsaw puzzle.

We are musicians, so can't work. We're doing some teaching on line during the week, but otherwise nothing. And no money to do anything anyway.
I have friends who have painted their houses, taken up running, even taken up clock making. But me? nah. nada. lazy git.

And I'm not sure whether I'm ok with this, or not, really?

I think this is the key part of your post, OP.

Doesn't really matter what you're doing but whether you're OK with it... sounds like you're not and you are not really feeling fulfilled.

I wonder if you need to do more, or if you just need to find acceptance?

I'm busy doing nothing too.

@HensInTheSkirtingBoard

Yeah we are being very observant of the rules. I basically don't leave the house during the week.

Work can be emotionally tiring.

I dunno really, I just feel as if I'm being a slob. Like I should have all the windows sparkling or something!

This is a piece in today’s i newspaper with the headline, ‘Find time to fill your tank - no one can run on empty’. I think you sound as though you’re doing plenty.

inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/wellbeing/dr-radha-modgil-help-advice-find-joy-820906

I've wound right down in terms of personal productivity and I'm totally happy with it. Partly it's the pandemic. Partly is because I've been on leave over Christmas/Hogmanay but mostly because it's the time of year. It's my equivalent of hibernation.

I'm the same OP. Did not get showered and dressed until after 11 this morning.

Took the dog for a walk, did a small bit of housework.

Did 45 minutes of gardening with DS in the freezing cold just to feel that we'd done something - and to get him outside.

Work very hard during the week, and think some relaxing down time at the weekend is just fine.

Make time for a walk each day not just at weekends. However full on your job is you should have a proper break each day. It may be a challenge managing expectations of work colleagues, but be prepared to do this if necessary.

@TheBoredLady

Well I’ve just woken up from a nap and reading MN warm & cozy in my bed.

I did a bit of cleaning this morning, then took the kids for a walk in the snow.

Will be putting some pizza in the oven in a minute and finding something we can watch on tv together.

What else are we supposed to be doing?

Buggered if I know, sounds like a pretty standard Saturday to me.

If I didn't have dogs, doubt I'd even set foot out the door, it's so cold (not to mention the other shit going on).

Don't think I had any 'sparkle' to lose, which is helpful.

Same as you, plus walking the dog once or twice (split with DP). I don’t see resting/hibernating as lazy, I am relaxing. A few years of chronic fatigue taught me to let go of the ‘shoulds’ and the need to be productive. A meditation practice has taught me the importance of having time just to ‘be’ and reflect.

Knitting is useful! Learning things or enjoying art/media is an activity. As long as you get some air/light/exercise each day I think you are spot on for this time of year. I am same but trying also to do one useful thing a day, it can be big or small. Declutter a drawer, make a list, fold and put away laundry etc. Then after a walk I can relax.

Sounds lovely. Reminds me more of how weekends used to be growing up (in 70s). People didn’t seem to feel the need to do so much.

I'm lucky to be working-- teaching in school or setting home learning. My DCs are in school as critical worker children. So at the weekend we are just staying in and relaxing. I think it's harder if you're at home all week working and / or home schooling. At the weekend you'll feel you need a break from being stuck at home, particularly when the weather is dry.

I feel the same as you, OP. It's seemed to me for months now that I'm the only person in the entire country not to have redecorated the house and cleared out all the rubbish

I know what you mean. I feel I am getting lazy. I can’t even be bothered to do as much house work .... however, it’s not forever. We lead very busy life’s generally. I say enjoy it.
Give it a few years and we will be chasing our arses all week like Covid and lockdowns never happened ...

We have bursts of energy in this house, so yesterday we rearranged the living room and today DDs room but before that there were weeks of nothing,just ticking over.

I started on Duolingo back in about April as a way to fill some time. Then I missed a few days and didn't go back to it.

I miss having things to take DD to where I can chat to other grown ups and have a cup of tea not made by me. She is doing a lot of online exercise stuff for her sport but that doesn't help me 😂

@HensInTheSkirtingBoard

Yeah we are being very observant of the rules. I basically don't leave the house during the week.

Work can be emotionally tiring.

I dunno really, I just feel as if I'm being a slob. Like I should have all the windows sparkling or something!

Leave the windows alone! I did mine today and they’re a smeary mess. Eating and Tv 😴

I worry I'm not going to be able to snap back into it too. I feel like my brain doesn't work the way it used to. Sometimes I feel like those people who have had brain injuries and have to learn to walk again, only with adulting and normal life. I guess in a way it's true, because my brain has been reprogrammed now. It's become a long term habit. Its going to take a lot of work to get back into the habit of normal life again (hopefully I will be given the opportunity sooner rather than later though!) I worry for my kids, because that is the pattern they are learning. They are living in a world of Netflix and tracksuit bottoms and apathy.

I'm with you, OP. I've ground to a halt. My DP would tell you its midwinter and makes evolutionary sense to be conserving energy.

OP your lifestyle sounds pretty much like mine. I try to hit 10k steps per day. Today very cold and foggy here, just back from an after dinner walk only at 8800 steps so far. Life is tough for us all at the moment. We are doing well just to survive each day!

@Bluesmartiesandpandapop - I apparently asked ds the same question 3 times today. I've noticed I'm not quite as 'sharp' at work either. My mind is melting.

Everyone is different on what they need on weekends. I know I have a very busy week, I throw myself into lots of activities and into work and by the weekend, I need a more restful and relaxing time. I often have a nap on either Sat or Sun. One walk or exercise. Takeaway or nice family meal once or twice. Cleaning and washing for the week ahead. Time to catch up with life really.

Even before the pandemic, I realised some families had packed weekends, I have friends who used to go away a lot on weekends, as well as sports fixtures, lot of things on. I would feel exhausted if I had to pack to go away on Fri afternoon, drive for hours, and only got back Sun eve. They did have one part-time parent though which might have helped.

I'm on my own, so if I don't get enough rest on the weekend, I struggle in the week.

@ArabellaScott

I'm with you, OP. I've ground to a halt. My DP would tell you its midwinter and makes evolutionary sense to be conserving energy.

This is very true!