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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby having to fast for 7 hours - IABU to be very angry?

102 replies

oblada · 08/01/2021 17:19

I'm curious how others would have reacted.

Short story - my nearly 6 months old has complex needs. Feeding in particular has been a challenge and we're very grateful that she can now feed fully by mouth and that I am able to express for her. She has respiratory issues along with cranial issues, as part of a genetic condition.
Anyway she had to have an operation today at 12 at the specialist children's hospital. We're not newbie to that. She spent her first 11 weeks there and had a big op at 3 weeks old.

Due to operation schedule she had to fast for 3hours hence last feed at 9am. For various complex reasons she feeds mostly during the day (not at night much) and very frequently (not always comfortable with big quantities) so 3hours gap is pretty long to start with. I was quite happy with myself that I'd managed to get her to the hospital in a good mood at 12 o clock.

Upon arrival I was told that due to an earlier emergency there would be some delay. No problem but my first thoughts are for my daughter - can I feed her now and if need be wait longer / give me slot to someone and have the op (a relatively minor, 1hour long, op) later on? No I can't. Wait is 1 hour or so. Fine.

She starts screaming v quickly so I insist, explaining that due to her complex needs I am very uncomfortable leaving her starving (getting her to feed consistently, well, put on weight etc was a major challenge) and she has respiratory issues which could be made worse as well. Any option? Surgeon comes in to say no, won't be more than 2hours, cannot feed her.

Btw she cannot have water due to her issues (she cannot have very liquid liquids if that makes sense).

Anyway in the end the operation started 4 hours later. 4 hours of me trying to coax her to sleep, trying to comfort her etc. I also didn't eat or express but those are minor points.

I have to say that whilst I am grateful for her care overall I am aghast that this couldn't be handled better. Our op wasn't an emergency so could have been rescheduled if need be. We could have been told sooner and postponed the last feed time as they knew at least a few hours before I arrived that there would be a delay. I have no issue waiting around, done plenty of that in the early days in the hospital, but I felt it was very unfair on my daughter to be denied food and drink for 7hours in effect. And of course made this extremely stressful day for me (any op is very stressful when your baby is involved) pretty awful all round.

I may well be overreacting (holding a distressed baby for 4hours can definitely do that) so just curious what others would have thought? It won't stop me expressing my concerns very clearly to the hospital and the surgeons :)

OP posts:

CoconutQueen · 08/01/2021 17:21

This sounds extremely stressful indeed, both for you and the poor baby. You poor things...

whatayear20 · 08/01/2021 17:21

That sounds so stressful. Hopefully she is recovering well now

Dnadoon · 08/01/2021 17:25

My then 9 wk dd had to fast from midnight to 9am for her surgery and it was tough really tough between the hours off 7-9am morning feed time..Couldn't imagine any longer. The night time was easier because it was obviously night time and dark and I had fed her right up until about 11.45pm.

Sirzy · 08/01/2021 17:25

At least it’s done.

I get how horrible the nil by mouth side of things can be and how stressful but if they can be sure how long the delay will be they can’t risk letting her eat sadly.

HairyMaclary · 08/01/2021 17:28

I have been there. It’s really hard but I do think the stress might be clouding your judgment a bit. In my experience for operations babies were always prioritised over everything else apart from emergencies. Emergencies by their very nature are unpredictable and especially so during these times. If you had fed her you may well have missed the only available opening that day and operating on a baby with a full stomach is much more dangerous, especially for one with complex needs. I’m sure we always had to have a 6 hour fast anyway but I could be wrong!

As I say, I’ve been there. I do get how stressful it is, unable to comfort your baby as well as the operation stress but I don’t think there was much the hospital could have done.

Original poster

oblada · 08/01/2021 17:30

Sounds like maybe I did overreact lol I may feel differently tomorrow. It was awful stuck in that little room with her not knowing etc just felt wrong.

Waiting for her to come out of surgery so still very on edge.... Trying to pass time...

OP posts:

IceBearRocks · 08/01/2021 17:30

Nil by mouth is horrid ....but priorties happen. My child has complex needs too...I have been there many times.
Juggling is rubbish but soon...operation will happen and you'll be on your way home!

Sirzy · 08/01/2021 17:32

We have all over reacted and the wait for them to come out is one that never gets any easier does it!

Is it a day case or is she in tonight?

Make sure you look after yourself

KimchiLaLa · 08/01/2021 17:32

This is stressful but unfortunately common. I had to do the same for my DD and it wasn't a serious op (or even an op, it was a reassurance scan). It's so tough but it's over at least.

Original poster

oblada · 08/01/2021 17:35

@Sirzy

We have all over reacted and the wait for them to come out is one that never gets any easier does it!

Is it a day case or is she in tonight?

Make sure you look after yourself

She will be staying tonight and a few days. Hopefully not more than that but after my 11 weeks stint I am extremely on edge and worried it may stretch longer than I want.... Fingers crossed. It is a minor op (for a shunt), only a side issue to her main problems (cranio and respiratory).

OP posts:

Dnadoon · 08/01/2021 17:35

for being stuck in a little room too....I remember pacing the large corridors with her and trying to distract her with the many childrens toys in the toy room (4years ago)

grey12 · 08/01/2021 17:36

Can't imagine how distressing that was for and your child when my brother was a newborn he had to fast for 12hr or so and my mum's eyes still go blank (like PTSD) when she talks about it....

I worked in theatres before and moving patients around is not that easy.... you have to be grateful you weren't the emergency surgery. You never want to be an emergency at the hospital, no matter how uncomfortable

Original poster

oblada · 08/01/2021 17:36

Thanks all. Feeling slightly calmer... not much but still :)

OP posts:

eeyore228 · 08/01/2021 17:36

Its not unreasonable for you to have been upset, crying baby, waiting for an operation just to name a few issues! That said when it's an emergency it's really hard to gauge how long it might take and ultimately they want your daughter to have her surgery...which is the goal. It's upsetting in the short term but she's having/had her op which is a good thing right now. X

Sirzy · 08/01/2021 17:37

Hope you have a peaceful nights sleep, well as possible as it in on the parents beds!

The stress and worry makes everything so much harder our longest stint has been 3 weeks and that was torture so no wonder your so anxious after such a long stint.

Original poster

oblada · 08/01/2021 17:39

@grey12

Can't imagine how distressing that was for and your child

when my brother was a newborn he had to fast for 12hr or so and my mum's eyes still go blank (like PTSD) when she talks about it....

Yes I agree I never want to be the emergency... our first op (when she was 3weeks old) was delayed by a week or so because of an emergency. It was tough but I did feel grateful we weren't the emergency (though obviously we were serious enough to stay as inpatient until the op and for her to have a relatively big operation that early on).

OP posts:

RunnerDown · 08/01/2021 17:39

It sounds very stressful. But when they take a patient in in an emergency situation they may not have any clear idea how long it’s going to take. If it’s abdominal surgery for example they may not know what they are going to find until the person is opened up.
And the risk of aspiration is so high during an op that no anaesthetist would take the risk of operating if someone has eaten recently.
Re scheduling might also be difficult in this current climate too for many reasons .

Toddlerteaplease · 08/01/2021 17:40

One of the most difficult parts of my job is trying to keep angry parents calm when their child is NBM. Yes it's unfortunate there are delays and it's really really stressful. But they are usually out of anyone's control and definitely not the fault of the ward staff. The fasting rules are there for your child's safety.

Emelene · 08/01/2021 17:40

This sounds so stressful for both of you. I'm sorry you both went through this.

But it sounds like the hospital did their best, they had an emergency and did keep communicating with you (including actually being able to speak to the surgeon in person) about the delay even if they underestimated it. I suspect it's not as simple as giving someone a different slot and if they'd been expecting you on the ward as a planned admission rearranging it would also not be simple...

I hope your daughter has a good recovery and you can get home quickly x

Carysmatthews · 08/01/2021 17:40

Sounds awful for you so see your daughter so distressed and for her to go so long without food, but they can’t guess when an emergency will come in. The nature of hospitals is that this happens regularly and can’t be helped.

ImBoredAgain · 08/01/2021 17:41

I can imagine it’s stressful however they can’t just ignore another emergency..

The options would have been

you don’t feed her and had an understandably awful time

you feed her and delay the operation until a safe time after she’s been fed, restarting the nil by mouth.

you feed her and they do the operation, and her ending up with aspiration - not something I imagine you want if she already has respiratory issues.

I get it’s not nice seeing your child distressed, but logistics and safety need to be considered.

Original poster

oblada · 08/01/2021 17:42

The emergency had been done and dealt with by the time I came. They just had to then move on to the scheduled ops. But yes I appreciate when things are out of whack it can be hard for the surgeons etc.
Thankfully the hospital is not rly impacted by covid/lockdown. It's a children's hospital and has been operating pretty much as normal. Though again I appreciate it would have meant moving things around probably.

OP posts:

lemonysnickett88 · 08/01/2021 17:46

I would have found that really hard, I'd have probably cried myself. I hope you're both ok x

Haggertyjane · 08/01/2021 17:47

it is shit, but so many people have had similar stories and with a pandemic everything is 10 times worse than normal. Fasting won't have any affect long term.

Toddlerteaplease · 08/01/2021 18:00

Paediatrics has been barely affected in itself by covid. But what has caused issues is keeping shielded and emergency patients separate. It's a nightmare. And my children's hospital has been impacted not the adult side being affected. Operating theatres being used as ITU. We are no way operating as we usually do.

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