Baby having to fast for 7 hours - IABU to be very angry?

[oblada]

I'm curious how others would have reacted.

Short story - my nearly 6 months old has complex needs. Feeding in particular has been a challenge and we're very grateful that she can now feed fully by mouth and that I am able to express for her. She has respiratory issues along with cranial issues, as part of a genetic condition.
Anyway she had to have an operation today at 12 at the specialist children's hospital. We're not newbie to that. She spent her first 11 weeks there and had a big op at 3 weeks old.

Due to operation schedule she had to fast for 3hours hence last feed at 9am. For various complex reasons she feeds mostly during the day (not at night much) and very frequently (not always comfortable with big quantities) so 3hours gap is pretty long to start with. I was quite happy with myself that I'd managed to get her to the hospital in a good mood at 12 o clock.

Upon arrival I was told that due to an earlier emergency there would be some delay. No problem but my first thoughts are for my daughter - can I feed her now and if need be wait longer / give me slot to someone and have the op (a relatively minor, 1hour long, op) later on? No I can't. Wait is 1 hour or so. Fine.

She starts screaming v quickly so I insist, explaining that due to her complex needs I am very uncomfortable leaving her starving (getting her to feed consistently, well, put on weight etc was a major challenge) and she has respiratory issues which could be made worse as well. Any option? Surgeon comes in to say no, won't be more than 2hours, cannot feed her.

Btw she cannot have water due to her issues (she cannot have very liquid liquids if that makes sense).

Anyway in the end the operation started 4 hours later. 4 hours of me trying to coax her to sleep, trying to comfort her etc. I also didn't eat or express but those are minor points.

I have to say that whilst I am grateful for her care overall I am aghast that this couldn't be handled better. Our op wasn't an emergency so could have been rescheduled if need be. We could have been told sooner and postponed the last feed time as they knew at least a few hours before I arrived that there would be a delay. I have no issue waiting around, done plenty of that in the early days in the hospital, but I felt it was very unfair on my daughter to be denied food and drink for 7hours in effect. And of course made this extremely stressful day for me (any op is very stressful when your baby is involved) pretty awful all round.

I may well be overreacting (holding a distressed baby for 4hours can definitely do that) so just curious what others would have thought? It won't stop me expressing my concerns very clearly to the hospital and the surgeons :)

Thanks for the supportive post. Op has gone well. Feeling better :)

[quote Sway19]@Mummyoflittledragon perspective[/quote]
I take it that was a rhetorical comment.

That’s good new op.

@Mummyoflittledragon nope

I hope your little one has a speedy recovery from this op. I imagine that it must have been really difficult for both you and her, during the time you guys had to wait.
I can’t comment on paeds, but would it be worth having a chat with the surgeon after all this? just open a dialogue re: your thoughts and feelings and give them the chance to properly explain things? It could be that they tell you something that means that it’s more understandable as to why things happened how they did. Also, you expressing your concerns may mean that in the future, they can take into account those things.

As an HCP, I like to have those conversations, so that a patient/relative and my staff can be working together and singing from the same song sheet. In the end, our goals are the same, but a clear explanation of the why’s and wherefore’s can make such a difference. Xx

Glad the op went well. It must be so stressful, I can't imagine. Hope you are settled back with her soon and get to recover together.

I don’t think OP’s suggesting her baby should feed close to the operation time — obviously that is not safe. But since the operation was so late they could have let her feed and then made sure to not do the operation until enough time had passed. A tiny baby with complex needs should NOT be made to wait around that way. It’s barbaric

It is not that simple. There are a huge number of complexities around the order in which patients go to theatre, and lists are packed and usually over-run. You can't just pop a child into a later slot. If the OP had given a feed, it's highly unlikely that her DD would have gone to theatre at all.

It's miserable for every parent and child in this situation but it isn't 'barbaric'. Don't be so silly.

Yes actually I would like a surgical department in a children's hospital to consider who is required to fast and for how long and to consider the distress it may cause in a young baby already dealing with complex needs.

It's not as simple though. You don't know what needs the other children waiting for the theatre had. Postponing the op would have wasted a lot of theatre time and staff time.

It's distressing having to deal with a hungry baby, but at least it's done. She won't remember a thing of it.

@oblada it doesn't work like that

But in the end I could have given her a feed when I arrived. It would have been fine as we ended up waiting 4hrs. I had a feeling it would happen and I do feel it could have been foreseen but I could be wrong.
I also did try to express my concerns to the surgeon and his blase attitude didn't help.
Anyway I'm sure I've overreacted a bit though not convinced I was totally wrong to have expectations of it being handled better.
It is what it is. She is now recovering and in her dad's arms for the night so I'll go home to the other 3...

I'm with you OP. they knew they were running a few hours behind so they could have let you know at 10am or 11am that baby could have another feed before coming in. Glad the op went well x

Just posting to say I’m glad your DD’s operation went well. I don’t know about the practicalities for the medical staff of telling you so you could have fed her, maybe it wouldn’t have been possible. But I don’t think you are overreacting as her mother to be highly stressed about the experience. It sounds like it was absolutely awful. You also sound like an amazing mother and she is lucky to have you. Wishing you and her all the best.

I say this gently and with care
But as you said
I may well be overreacting (holding a distressed baby for 4hours can definitely do that

This is more about your understandable stress
It’s horrible !
But in the nicest way , move on

[quote Sway19]@Mummyoflittledragon nope[/quote]
I literally fed your first comment back to you. In advance searching you I see you’re a paediatric nurse so I can see why you are struggling with perspective and am not going to respond again.

Sway19 - you're a pediatric nurse? That's a little frightening.
Sorry if I sounded entitled to you but yes for me and in this context 7hours without feeding my daughter was very distressing. Had she been any other of my children I would have been fine. Annoyed but fine. Because I would have put them in the baby carrier, walked it off and trusted they'd catch up later on. But she is not. Feeding is a very emotive subject when it comes to her. Feeding is something she now does well but hasn't always done well. Even now there is still a lot of stress and focus around how much she takes to ensure she takes enough and puts on weight. I have Community Nurses coming to my house every fortnight to check her weight. I get stressed when I leave her with my husband for long as she doesn't seem to feed quite as well. When she feed very well I also get stressed as I have to pump enough for her. It's a rollercoaster. So yes for me for her yo be screaming hungry for 4hours was a big deal. I'd rather they cancelled her op. I presume the one after her (if one was scheduled) has been cancelled.
But anyway, it is done and I will definitely move on :)
Focusing on my girl's recovery now :)

Thanks xx

Not an overreaction at all. We had a similar issue when DD has required GAs over the years. They do it to avoid delays but it is very unfair.

When she had surgery aged 7 she was supposed to be first in so no breakfast. She was still waiting at 10 am and the staff very thoughtfully made toast in the room right next to the ward and handed it out to all the others on the ward. She was finally taken through at 12.30. Poor girl was so hungry.

It amazes me how a forum founded primarily for mothers to support each other can be so full of people with no empathy for mothers at all. Who is happy for any infant to be crying in hunger? Of course it's distressing for the child's mother, especially when the child has health issues. Some posts here are simply nasty.

Pay them no mind, OP. It must be difficult for them to go through life so mean and bitter.

OP I'm a paediatric nurse and work in surgery.
I really feel for you, I have been in your position as a parent with a 4 month old in paediatric cardiac surgery, there was a miscommunication and my baby went 10 hours without fluids. I was internally raging about it. He fared well though and didn't have any other additional needs. I would have been frantic if he had.

If you're 'entitled' then so are most parents when their child is having surgery, many are anxious to know where their child is 'on the list' especially parents of baby's or those with special needs, or both.
I'm glad the surgery went smoothly and she recovers well.

It’s also about trust in the medical staff isn’t it. The fear that you might have been forgotten in the busyness of the ward, and you are solely responsible for denying your child fluids for hours (maybe days?) as everyone else has forgotten you.

What happens if you do get accidentally overlooked and the baby dehydrates?

@Lemons1571

It’s also about trust in the medical staff isn’t it. The fear that you might have been forgotten in the busyness of the ward, and you are solely responsible for denying your child fluids for hours (maybe days?) as everyone else has forgotten you.

What happens if you do get accidentally overlooked and the baby dehydrates?

Really? I don't believe any parent would allow their child to be forgotten or denied fluids for 'days'.

Come on, now.

I don’t blame you for being upset it’s a stressful situation and it’s horrible to watch your own baby in a distressed state. I’ve no idea if the staff could have done more than they did to make it easier but I don’t think you’re unreasonable to feel the way that you felt about it.

@Yokey maybe it’s the “very angry” angle that aggravated others like me? I can see if the surgeon rocked up late hungover, the team took super long breaks, the surgeons niece was jumped to the front of the queue for nepotism etc then the reason for anger. But it appears to be just one of those things? OP doesn’t appear to have surgical / healthcare experience. Plus for confidentiality reasons (it’s none of her business!) she can’t have know the risks, procedures, complexities of the other patients that day. Emergencies often push other operations late, lm not saying it’s great but just one of those realities. I’m sure medically trained staff could ascertain if baby was actually properly dehydrated

@whatkatydidnxt

As I said in an earlier post, we can love the NHS and admire those working in it whilst being unhappy with the service we've received. It isn't great that her baby went hungry, and although it may have been unavoidable in the context of a strained healthcare service, that doesn't mean OP shouldn't be angry and want circumstances in which it is avoided.

In any case, there's no need for some of the nasty posts regardless of anyone's opinion on it. It's unfair to call her entitled in a derogatory manner for her feelings on this emotive and distressing situation. Who doesn't feel entitled to feed their hungry baby?

Seriously? You think a baby can be forgotten and dehydrate while waiting for surgery?

Have a word with yourself. Do you think medical staff are there to harm babies?

Oh you poor thing, I remember how incredibly stressed I was when my DS went in for an operation, the slightest thing would have set me off. It must have been really distressing having to do nil by mouth for so long, emergencies can't be helped but it sounds like better communication and a bit more empathy on the part of hospital staff could have avoided some of that distress. Glad to hear the op went well in the end.