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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby having to fast for 7 hours - IABU to be very angry?

102 replies

oblada · 08/01/2021 17:19

I'm curious how others would have reacted.

Short story - my nearly 6 months old has complex needs. Feeding in particular has been a challenge and we're very grateful that she can now feed fully by mouth and that I am able to express for her. She has respiratory issues along with cranial issues, as part of a genetic condition.
Anyway she had to have an operation today at 12 at the specialist children's hospital. We're not newbie to that. She spent her first 11 weeks there and had a big op at 3 weeks old.

Due to operation schedule she had to fast for 3hours hence last feed at 9am. For various complex reasons she feeds mostly during the day (not at night much) and very frequently (not always comfortable with big quantities) so 3hours gap is pretty long to start with. I was quite happy with myself that I'd managed to get her to the hospital in a good mood at 12 o clock.

Upon arrival I was told that due to an earlier emergency there would be some delay. No problem but my first thoughts are for my daughter - can I feed her now and if need be wait longer / give me slot to someone and have the op (a relatively minor, 1hour long, op) later on? No I can't. Wait is 1 hour or so. Fine.

She starts screaming v quickly so I insist, explaining that due to her complex needs I am very uncomfortable leaving her starving (getting her to feed consistently, well, put on weight etc was a major challenge) and she has respiratory issues which could be made worse as well. Any option? Surgeon comes in to say no, won't be more than 2hours, cannot feed her.

Btw she cannot have water due to her issues (she cannot have very liquid liquids if that makes sense).

Anyway in the end the operation started 4 hours later. 4 hours of me trying to coax her to sleep, trying to comfort her etc. I also didn't eat or express but those are minor points.

I have to say that whilst I am grateful for her care overall I am aghast that this couldn't be handled better. Our op wasn't an emergency so could have been rescheduled if need be. We could have been told sooner and postponed the last feed time as they knew at least a few hours before I arrived that there would be a delay. I have no issue waiting around, done plenty of that in the early days in the hospital, but I felt it was very unfair on my daughter to be denied food and drink for 7hours in effect. And of course made this extremely stressful day for me (any op is very stressful when your baby is involved) pretty awful all round.

I may well be overreacting (holding a distressed baby for 4hours can definitely do that) so just curious what others would have thought? It won't stop me expressing my concerns very clearly to the hospital and the surgeons :)

OP posts:
Swimmingiscancelled · 08/01/2021 18:56

It is a very stressful experience for you. My DD also had surgery as a baby and I remember having to fast her 3 days in a row as each time the procedure was bumped by an emergency. It was really tough- but I think it also became a focus for all my anxieties and general stress about her condition and the surgery.

I think it was because her feeding was one thing which was in control of in a difficult time. ( and it’s very hard work managing a hungry baby - especially when you are managing their other needs/ sleeping in hospital etc).

I think it may seem an over reaction to a relatively minor thing but it is really a reaction to the bigger situation.

Original poster
oblada · 08/01/2021 19:02

@Flyingwiththecanons

What did you want them to do? Let you feee your baby and then complain you didn't get the operation today?

It's baffling, the lack of insight you seem to have. There was probably an emergency during a previous surgery that's why your baby was made to wait. It was only 7 hours, not 7 days

Your lack of empathy is quite telling. As I said I would have rather the op had been postponed either to later today or another day. Have you read my posts? I would have wanted for them to tell me before so I could feed her a bit later (they knew a few hours before I arrived that there would be a delay) or yes allow me to feed her on arrival or indeed even reschedule on account of that emergency (things happen). 7 hours with a child who didn't feed by mouth until she was 6 weeks old and then didn't feed fully by mouth until she was 10 weeks and then didn't feed comfortably by mouth until she was about 16-20 weeks old was very difficult. With a normal 6 months old I would have been much more relaxed to be honest, pop them in the sling and go for a walk. I cannot do that with my youngest and her getting distressed also risks her pulling the tube she has in her nose to help her breathe. It's not easy.
OP posts:
Needsleeeeepsendheeeelp · 08/01/2021 19:04

I've been there many times with my DS. Sometimes the delays were such that he ended up going onto the next day's list, so had about 8 hours of fasting unnecessarily to then be fasted the following day, including missing vital meds during that time. It's beyond painful to have to deal with. But unfortunately, as painful as it is, it's something that happens. Your DD won't remember. I'm glad her procedure was done and I hope she has a straightforward recovery.

Original poster
oblada · 08/01/2021 19:05

Thanks to those who can relate and to the suggestion re play specialist. I did see her the first time round, will get to know her more as time goes I'm sure. I just hope this stay is as short as expected (couple of days)...

OP posts:
Sway19 · 08/01/2021 19:05

I’m sorry but I think this post sounds very entitled. Do you have any idea whatsoever what pressures hospitals are under at the moment? Not being able to feed for a few hours is hardly the same as leaving her ‘starve’. I’m sure it was difficult having to wait but goodness knows what kind of state the emergency patient was in either. Not a nice post OP

zoemum2006 · 08/01/2021 19:07

Similar happened to me 10years ago and I can feel the anger rising just reading this thread.

DD was 11 months old and was asked to come in at 7am for (plastic) surgery after an accident.

She’d been nil by mouth fir 9 hours and they kept her waiting until 2pm without communicating a damn thing.

I went ballistic and they said they’d been an “emergency”. For 7 hours with no communication?

Appalling organisation. I have no idea why people think this is acceptable at all.

Sexnotgender · 08/01/2021 19:07

@Sway19

I’m sorry but I think this post sounds very entitled. Do you have any idea whatsoever what pressures hospitals are under at the moment? Not being able to feed for a few hours is hardly the same as leaving her ‘starve’. I’m sure it was difficult having to wait but goodness knows what kind of state the emergency patient was in either. Not a nice post OP
You’re vying for the empathy award I see.
Peachered · 08/01/2021 19:08

Our op wasn't an emergency so could have been rescheduled if need be.

Which would have meant wasted operating theatre time and staff at a specialist hospital in the middle of the pandemic.

Sorry you found it stressful but at least a non-emergency operation went ahead.

Maybe think of all the parents who's kids have been rushed in for emergency operations at specialist children's hospitals or who have had non-emergency surgery cancelled for their children.

PennineSpring · 08/01/2021 19:12

I’ve been in your position a few times and it is incredibly stressful. I hope your DC is recovering well and you feel a bit better too.

We found by talking about these potential instances at the pre-op and asking to be placed first on the theatre list when DD had to have ops really helped. If there was any delays due to emergencies it was easier to deal with in the morning rather than keeping a hungry child settled in the afternoon.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/01/2021 19:13

@Sway19

I’m sorry but I think this post sounds very entitled. Do you have any idea whatsoever what pressures hospitals are under at the moment? Not being able to feed for a few hours is hardly the same as leaving her ‘starve’. I’m sure it was difficult having to wait but goodness knows what kind of state the emergency patient was in either. Not a nice post OP
Fgs op’s baby is having surgery and it isn’t the first time. She was letting off steam. What’s your excuse for not writing a nice post?
1FootInTheRave · 08/01/2021 19:13

I really feel for you but I don't think they have done anything wrong.

Communication could be better but it's hard to give accurate timescales if an emergency case is already on the table.

Hope your baby has a quick recovery.

Flyingwiththecanons · 08/01/2021 19:15

So you wanted a busy surgical department/ pre admissions ward to look up the fact that your child has extra needs and might be upset at being hungry and call you to tell you that there would be a delay and you should feed her? What about the other children waiting for surgery? How are they supposed to know how long the delay is? It could have been a beds issue.

It's not up the nurses to decide who eats or not. Get a grip. Your kid had her surgery, feel sorry for the parents of the child with the emergency. You know the one that meant your baby was hungry for a bit longer Hmm
No doubt you'd have complained if you'd fed her that she wasn't getting her surgery today.

DeborahAlisonphillipa · 08/01/2021 19:17

That’s sounds so horrible and distressing. Not being able to feed your baby when they’re hungry triggers something primal in you I think

cautiouscovidity · 08/01/2021 19:18

When surgery is delayed due to an emergency, there really is no telling when the staff / theatre will be free. Unfortunately they can't take the risk of you feeding her so that she's not ready when they're ready.

Getting a slot for any op is tricky in the first place they don't like you to leave and have to rebook for another date as your original slot is then wasted - not ideal when the lists are huge. And, in Covid times, the fewer trips you make to hospital, the lower the risk to all of you.

You've every right to be annoyed - it must've been horrendously stressful for you - but I don't think it could've been done any other way.

SirVixofVixHall · 08/01/2021 19:21

I had to starve my baby overnight for a minor op that was the cancelled, twice, and I still remember how distressing it was for her to be crying and crying to be fed, so I deeply sympathise OP. ( In my case it had been mismanaged from the start, she had an injury that needed stitches and which probably should have been glued but it was left for an entire day, and then didn’t heal).
Anyway it was very upsetting, and that is without any additional factors like your baby’s more complex needs.

Pixie2015 · 08/01/2021 19:24

Been in a similar situation several times - we do the best we can to support our children and help them through - hope she is home and feeding soon x

Honeybobbin · 08/01/2021 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Toasty280 · 08/01/2021 19:28

My son had an operation at 10 weeks the fasting was really hard and his operation was delayed due to another one over running, We walked up and down the corridor almost constantly, then there was an issue with the anathestiologist (spelling?) He'd never put such a young baby to sleep and was struggling, plus a screaming baby wasnt helping, fortunately the surgeon stepped in and went get xxx in here to do this.
Ds just grabbed the bottle as soon as he woke up will never forget how quickly he drink it.

It was really stressful at the time.

I'm sure you couldn't have done anything differently, it's more stressful for the parents, hopefully it won't happen again x

CatkinToadflax · 08/01/2021 19:36

Flowers my DS1 was in NICU for his first 17 weeks, and feeding and breathing took months to establish. He too had surgery at 6 months old and I remember how hard it was to keep him calm and happy during the nil-by-mouth bit, and also immediately following the surgery. He’s a big smelly 15 year old now, and towers over me, but I do remember those early days vividly. He continues to have complex needs but he’s a fabulous young man.

I understand OP. The trauma of it all takes a long, long time to reduce and I’m not sure it ever goes completely. Be kind to yourself and I hope the surgery and hospital stay are a success. x

Sway19 · 08/01/2021 19:36

@Mummyoflittledragon perspective

Sirzy · 08/01/2021 19:39

You can think the OP is being unreasonable whilst still being empathetic towards the situation and is in and realise why they will understandably make her be a bit unreasonable sometimes.

And for the record people who are having routine operations are often taken in based on needs. Ds has additional needs and is always prioritised for early theatre slots

HTH1 · 08/01/2021 19:51

It was unfortunate, but what were they meant to do? There was an earlier emergency which could not go untreated, and nil by mouth is there for very good reason (this was surgery in a hospital, not an annoying customer services incident).

Original poster
oblada · 08/01/2021 20:08

@Flyingwiththecanons

So you wanted a busy surgical department/ pre admissions ward to look up the fact that your child has extra needs and might be upset at being hungry and call you to tell you that there would be a delay and you should feed her? What about the other children waiting for surgery? How are they supposed to know how long the delay is? It could have been a beds issue.

It's not up the nurses to decide who eats or not. Get a grip. Your kid had her surgery, feel sorry for the parents of the child with the emergency. You know the one that meant your baby was hungry for a bit longer Hmm
No doubt you'd have complained if you'd fed her that she wasn't getting her surgery today.

Yes actually I would like a surgical department in a children's hospital to consider who is required to fast and for how long and to consider the distress it may cause in a young baby already dealing with complex needs. Maybe my expectations are too much but best to aim high tbh. And no I wouldn't have complained if the surgery had been postponed as I said...
OP posts:
museumum · 08/01/2021 20:09

There needs to be much much more support for parents in this situation and especially breast feeding mothers! I can’t believe how unsympathetic most posters here are.
Surely paediatricians and breastfeeding counsellors could provide guidance as to how to make this less traumatic? Baby is screaming and starving triggering all the breast feeding mothers hormones and let down - I’d have been soaked in pouring milk - maybe it would be best for the father or another person to take the baby instead? Maybe not? I don’t know but there should be advice. Could the baby be very mildly sedated? Or totally distracted with some kind of sensory room? I can’t believe there’s just no support given.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 08/01/2021 20:13

That feeling of not knowing whats going on and when things will happen in a hospital is the worst! I found it bad enough when I was in the hospital with my little girl a few months ago and I was able to feed her to calm her a bit.
Its a stressful environment. I hope you can get home as soon as possible Flowers

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