To not send DC to nursery if I can’t attend the settling in session

[sanpelly]

DS Is due to start nursery on the 3rd March whilst I return to work 3 days a week.

He will be just over a year old when he starts.

I spoke to the nursery this morning as we need to arrange some settling in sessions.

The nursery have advised that due to the current lockdown they are not allowing parents to attend and a member of staff will instead collect DS at the gate and take him for the settling in sessions.

I’m really not comfortable with this. Due to the pandemic and restorations, DS has never spent any time away from me.
He’s never been “looked after” by anyone other than me or DH.
He hasn’t even played with any other babies.

DH said it’s fine for him to have the sessions without us but I’m just not comfortable to let a stranger take him and put him in a new environment without having me or DH there.

They don’t know when they will be able to allow me to attend but have said once lockdown eases they will rethink their policy.

Im considering asking work if I can take some leave for a few weeks and delay my start date in hope that by mid March they will allow me to attend.

AIBU? Should I send him to settle in without me?

Our DS is 2 now and we started him at nrusery when he was 10 months so before Covid and we didnt attend the taster sessions as felt it was important for him to get used to us not being there. We did 3 in the end. Ome for a couple of hours then half a day and a full day. There was no issue at all and he was fine.

DD had never been with anyone but us. We left her at nursery just after Lockdown 1, aged 10m, weren't there for settling, and she LOVED it. Nursery says they never let the parents come in for settling, it only stresses the kids out.

How do you know? You weren't there! Nursery have already admitted they are uncomfortable with parents seeing how they work. (Obviously parents being with their 10 month old is not stressful for the baby. This goes against every bit of child development research).
Even if this were true, it would be a very unusual 10 month old who loved nursery on their very first visit. Most babies that age are pretty attached to their parents and it's normal for them to be upset when they leave.

@SnackSizeRaisin

DD had never been with anyone but us. We left her at nursery just after Lockdown 1, aged 10m, weren't there for settling, and she LOVED it. Nursery says they never let the parents come in for settling, it only stresses the kids out.

How do you know? You weren't there! Nursery have already admitted they are uncomfortable with parents seeing how they work. (Obviously parents being with their 10 month old is not stressful for the baby. This goes against every bit of child development research).
Even if this were true, it would be a very unusual 10 month old who loved nursery on their very first visit. Most babies that age are pretty attached to their parents and it's normal for them to be upset when they leave.

Because they took tonnes of photos, she was happy to go to them and happy when i picked her up. They don't allow parents in for settling sessions because in their extensive experience it is more distressing for the children. In my case, they were right

It was very important to us that DD wasn't clingy, despite lockdown, so we worked really hard on getting her used to being apart from us. She was walking and talking at 10m, more than capable of letting us know how she feels, and I'm confident she's happy at nursery.

My sons nursery policy before covid for settling in days was max 10 minutes dropping them off as actually they have found that they settle better.

My son settled much better than friends that sat there at different nurseries then tried to leave after an hour etc.
They are distracted way quicker and get involved with what's going on.

Before nursery he had never been looked after by anyone else and we had just come back from a extended holiday where it was just us 3 for 8 weeks.

I understand your concerns but actually it's better for your child.

I'm just in the process of starting my 15 month old at nursery. The first one we tried pulled out at the last second after lockdown was announced, saying they wouldn't let new children in (we'd already signed the contract and was less than impressed). They were very very strict about covid (OTT in my opinion).

I've spoken to another nursery this week and they've been amazing. Did a virtual tour for me and have said that I can attend a settling in session. They're still very careful re covid but understand that dropping a baby off at a strange place is a huge deal for a parent.

I'm so pleased the first nursery fell through!

In normal times, scrutinizing the nursery setting is often viewed with utmost importance. A former nursery worker, now nanny, advised me to visit the setting properly and look out for quality indicators like:

• Are there qualified and experienced staff, with low turnover?
• Are staff at child’s level? Sitting with them, chatting with them? Is there a busy, happy ‘buzz’? Do staff and children look engaged and happy?
• Do the children have a good range of experiences to choose from independently? Do they have access to outside, to run, be noisy, make mess and play freely?
• Do they operate a primary caregiving system where one person will help to get to know your child, settle them in and keep an eye out for them?

——

Obviously you can’t determine most, or all of these things, in lockdown, but that doesn’t make these issues magically less important. There are a lot of low quality nurseries out there with underqualified and disengaged staff, or ones drowning in paperwork, and they’re almost always poorly paid, resulting in high turnover . Getting a feel for how different nurseries operate can be crucial.

I’m not in your shoes, having made my own decision ore-covid, but your concerns are understandable.

Even before Covid I didn't go to the settling session - it's a tester without you there?

Just to balance out everyone saying it’s fine. I would also feel uncomfortable leaving my baby at a doorway somewhere they are unfamiliar though I also think we are likely to be in this situation for some time! Now my child is older I prefer doorstep drop offs as it’s much quicker but it’s not the same
When they are little! My DS found nursery settling in very traumatic so I pulled him out. Each child is different and you know your own DC.

I don’t know if a few weeks of extra leave will make a difference or not so if you really don’t want to do it then you might have to find alternative childcare.

Another one here who did not sit with DS for any settling in session. We handed him over at the door for short periods once or twice a week for a couple weeks before I went back to work full time. No issues. It’s great you were able to actually go inside over the summer to visit it yourself , OP. Ours are only offering virtual tours.

It’s more your issue than your child’s he’ll be fine.

I would sent dc. If you want to attend a settling in session with dc then you'll be waiting years. He may be an adult before they allow parents to attend again. If ever

@squeezeapplesmakejuice

I would sent dc. If you want to attend a settling in session with dc then you'll be waiting years. He may be an adult before they allow parents to attend again. If ever

@squeezeapplesmakejuice

Why “years”..?

You think this situation is going to last years?

If the vaccine roll out continues at current speed it could take up to 10 years to reach everyone. So yeh this is going to be years? I don’t think it will be 10 years as we will obviously be rolling out things quicker in the weeks to come but I do think it will be at least a couple of years til everyone gets it.

You think this situation is going to last years?

I don’t think we are even half way through this pandemic yet although I do believe that the vaccine will make things easier from Easter.

I think we'll be in a situation where they don't allow parents in for the next 18 months or so. A year to get people vaccinated for the most part, then 6 months to take them out of winter to be cautious.

I work in a nursery and we are not starting new children due to being unable to do settling in sessions. It’s all well and good saying the child may be fine but if they’re not the only option is to stop and then that can cause problems later on as they have a negative association with the nursery. I personally wouldn’t settle new children without the option of being able to have a parent there. Once lockdown eases and infection rates go down we will start to allow short sessions with parents again, so not years!!

@Lifeispassingby

I work in a nursery and we are not starting new children due to being unable to do settling in sessions. It’s all well and good saying the child may be fine but if they’re not the only option is to stop and then that can cause problems later on as they have a negative association with the nursery. I personally wouldn’t settle new children without the option of being able to have a parent there. Once lockdown eases and infection rates go down we will start to allow short sessions with parents again, so not years!!

Isn't there a risk of not having any babies in nursery at all, which would put jobs at risk? Every nursery in our area offered setting in sessions When I worked in nurseries settling in sessions with parents weren't even a thing. Never had a child who didn't settle in the first 15 minutes. Although it was hard leaving my LO I'd have been screwed if no settling in sessions were offered as I need to go back to work or risk my job.