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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Felt ill and warned dp about eating - goes straight to eat it

275 replies

Keepdistance · 07/01/2021 20:15

Aibu to be cross with dp
because me and 1 dc had a stomach ache and i said i thought it was 'x as we both ate it at the same time earlier
Checked that dp hadnt eaten it and said something like 'good you havent eaten it'.
I went off to do some printing and came back found him eating it!

I am just so angry that he heard, understood then did it anyway. But really i dont care if he makes himself ill - his choice. but in a position where potentially 2 of us already ill (2 bathrooms) and having to look after myself and the 2 kids whilst he was also ill would have been infuriating.

We were fine my stomacheache went after a couple of hours and dc fell asleep and was ok.
I just feel it was irresponsible and selfish and ignoring what i told him.

He still wont hear it. Making out im trying to control him. !
Will not listen to me saying it's the not thinking of others that is annoying me. He could easily have eaten it the next day instead.
It is not the case i frequently complain (and i wasnt at this time either) so not sure if it was a misunderstanding that i did feel quite ill. )

So i ask him to just not do that again (as in eat something that could be gone off (whilst im already ill and we have kids to look after) and he wont.
He is generally pretty selfish and we end up arguing sometimes as he does the same things over and again.
I dont know if he argues because he cant be wrong. But he seems to genuinely think it's ok. (Though tbh it would generally be me watching ill dc after possibly help clearing up initial vomit.). I dont think im asking too much.
Im concerned that he cares more about eating x (something sweet) than well anyone other than him.
Tbh i feel that the kids have more sense!
It really isnt a do as i say think
1 i just cant see why he would make the choice he did anyway
2 if he is going to ignore he could at least have said.
3 he wont let me explain that it's about more than just him. And honestly i still think he would only think about him
4 obviously unlikely to happen again but if it did i wouldnt trust him (and also would he ignore what i said and feed it to the kids?!! and would likely have to rush down and immediately bin the food.

He also has said why are you just arguing about x food. Cannot see my concerns at all. y

It is often not even about the choices he makes at the time but he wont see any other side and ends up arguing as he would choose to make the decision again. And i sometimes feel i dont want to live with someone who cant discuss without arguing.

He literally doesnt listen properly either and adds details in his own head. was saying i said loose stomach (i didnt). Tried to say similar to that oh it's because youve been eating rubbish and are bloated etc.
He was actually quite offensive saying im crazy etc.
And i can see to him it seems an overreaction.
I think it's also that he wouldnt even consider not having something he wanted even though it might impact others. Whereas i would say 'youre right i'll eat something else (plenty there) just in case, dont wan t everyone ill at once.

OP posts:
NailsNeedDoing · 07/01/2021 21:11

He was right. The food was fine, you were fine.

I wouldn’t listen to someone trying to control me eating something that sounds very low risk from your description on the basis of ‘feeling ill’ for a couple of hours.

oakleaffy · 07/01/2021 21:11

@YouBoughtMeAWall

WHAT WAS THE BLOODY FOOD???
That is what we all want to know.

Probably something innocuous like bread or a bit of fruitcake?

OP won't be drawn.

2BDIs · 07/01/2021 21:12

This thread is just gold Grin
Couldn't be bothered to read the novel that was the opening post Hmm but the replies to whatever were written are brilliant.
Thank you all for the evening entertainment Smile

LouiseTrees · 07/01/2021 21:13

So if he gets ill and you are already I’ll then you share childcare duties or if anything because he was warned he gets the childcare duties.

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 07/01/2021 21:14

You sound like hard work. I don't think he ate it deliberately to make himself ill.

When an earthquake is about to occur, snakes will move out of their nests, even in the cold of winter. If the earthquake is a big one, the snakes will even smash into walls while trying to escape.

Maybe the OPs DH saw her coming and thought sod this and shoved aload of food that will not be named in his mouth.

LincolnshireYellowBelly · 07/01/2021 21:14

That was a long post over nothing.

PlanDeRaccordement · 07/01/2021 21:15

@YouBoughtMeAWall
WHAT WAS THE BLOODY FOOD???

Maybe Christmas cake? It never goes bad when I play on Sims.....

oakleaffy · 07/01/2021 21:15

@Pukkatea

Honestly, I wouldn't not eat something that doesn't usually go bad, looked smelled fine etc just because it was suspected to have given two people a stomach ache. I have forgotten the long OP already, did you say it was sweet? So a pudding? You and DC probably did just eat too much
Chocolate éclairs ....Beurgh.

Nothing wrong with them, but gorged on them as a kid, and felt very sick indeed.

Can't look at one to this day without feeling nausea.

bloodywhitecat · 07/01/2021 21:16

You gave him advice, he risk assessed what you had told him and made his own decision, he's an adult and able to make his own choices in life.

VintageStitchers · 07/01/2021 21:16

Most of the sanctimonious posters berating the OP for not throwing the food out, seem to be spectacularly missing the point. Hmm

That is that if her DH also gets ill, she’d be left having to do everything whilst still sick, whilst he swans off for a long lie down.

My DH USED to be like that until I put my foot down and refused to be the only responsible adult.

springiscoming12 · 07/01/2021 21:16

Jeez, getting a stomach bug is the least of your husband’s concerns with a wife like you

schmockdown · 07/01/2021 21:18

The food must be so unlikely to cause food poisoning that op can't name it.

A random chocolate or sweet left over from Christmas?

okokok000 · 07/01/2021 21:19

YABU. You've no right to be cross because if you didn't want it to be eaten you should have thrown it away. With that said, unless he misunderstood the food you were talking about (wondering whether this is a possibility based on your posts), him electing to eat the food was strange behaviour (unless you have form for overreacting).

RightYesButNo · 07/01/2021 21:19

You won’t answer what the food (except at the beginning you said it was a sweet food and doesn’t really go off as a rule) was which really makes me think this is an anxiety issue dressed up as a food hygiene issue. It must be something we’d all think there as no way it’d go off or something. You and DC both had a stomach-ache but you’d already planned out how everyone would be so ill that all bathrooms would be full, etc. Does your husband ever accuse you of catastrophising, and then, possibly does something that refuses to take that anxiety seriously (eats food you’re worried about, drives car even after you thought something sounded wrong with one tyre, etc etc). It sounds more like you might have anxiety and his coping mechanism is to ignore it. Maybe consider if this is an isolated incident. If it is, well, that’s life. But if you’re constantly having rows like this about these kinds of things, you may need help for anxiety and I do agree that he’s an arse for how he’s “dealing” with your anxiety, if you have it, but our partners are humans and don’t always make the kindest choices when pushed to their limits sometimes.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 07/01/2021 21:20

Was it toothpaste? Were you eating toothpaste? Tell the truth.

Christmas2021 · 07/01/2021 21:21

I would not care one bit if my dh did this! We would probably just have a joke and I'd jokingly tell him not to come crying when he had a stomacb ache and that would be the end of it! Some people also have stronger stomachs and it wouldn't affect them in the same way...maybe your dh knows he is one of these people.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 07/01/2021 21:21

@VintageStitchers

Most of the sanctimonious posters berating the OP for not throwing the food out, seem to be spectacularly missing the point. Hmm

That is that if her DH also gets ill, she’d be left having to do everything whilst still sick, whilst he swans off for a long lie down.

My DH USED to be like that until I put my foot down and refused to be the only responsible adult.

There is very simple prevention. That is throwing away food which is off🤷🏻 Nothing sanctimony about saying why wouldn't someone throw away food which supposedly made them sick.

Unless... Hmmm. They want the other person to eat it, get sick so they can then moan at them for not listening?😂

oakleaffy · 07/01/2021 21:22

OP is tormenting us by not telling us what the food was.

If it was old Oysters, Prawns, as another OP said, bad eggs, a blown corned beef or tuna tin, or melted and re-frozen ice cream, old chicken, it would be understandable..

But not to fess up?

It has got to be something quite 'Safe'...

Brefugee · 07/01/2021 21:22

gosh why so coy about the food, OP? too outing?

If you didn't want him to eat it you should have disposed of it. And then if he ate it, tough tits to him. Why would you have to look after your DCs and DH who might be ill too? What? grow a spine.

burnoutbabe · 07/01/2021 21:22

I can Imagine lots of food you would not want to immediately throw ih the bin. Say a shepherd pie in a dish, or something wet that would mess through bin bag and best off staying in its container and chucking away in say a used tin can to avoid spillage.

So leaving it and warning seems reasonable.

DuzzyFuck · 07/01/2021 21:23

Wow there's a lot here. I'd echo the responses asking why you hadn't thrown it out straight away if it had made you ill, except that it hadn't actually made you ill had it? You just had a stomach ache that never amounted to anything so ultimately a complete non-issue, aside from you being irked that your DP didn't submit to your demands.

Mountain out of a molehill.

Woewoewoejoy · 07/01/2021 21:23

Honestly I read things like this and wander how people survive, reached adulthood or even manage to keep kids alive...

KumquatSalad · 07/01/2021 21:24

My money is on a Twinkie. That is sweet and will never go off. Ever.

And it’s embarrassing enough that the op doesn’t want to admit to eating one.

Original poster
Keepdistance · 07/01/2021 21:24

I just mean if he was determined to believe it was fine he could at least have waited till i felt better.
We werent in the kitchen at the time and as per a few other posts i just didnt think he was odd enough to rush off and purposely eat it.
Obviously now i know his mindset i will be binning anything. Immediately lol.
Im not sure why he ignored it. (Though suspect it's mainly that he has no willpower with food).
It is certainly not like i constantly have stomach issues. More likely it's his opinion for himself as he has IBS sometimes.

OP posts:
Eckhart · 07/01/2021 21:24

YOGHURT!!