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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Felt ill and warned dp about eating - goes straight to eat it

275 replies

Keepdistance · 07/01/2021 20:15

Aibu to be cross with dp
because me and 1 dc had a stomach ache and i said i thought it was 'x as we both ate it at the same time earlier
Checked that dp hadnt eaten it and said something like 'good you havent eaten it'.
I went off to do some printing and came back found him eating it!

I am just so angry that he heard, understood then did it anyway. But really i dont care if he makes himself ill - his choice. but in a position where potentially 2 of us already ill (2 bathrooms) and having to look after myself and the 2 kids whilst he was also ill would have been infuriating.

We were fine my stomacheache went after a couple of hours and dc fell asleep and was ok.
I just feel it was irresponsible and selfish and ignoring what i told him.

He still wont hear it. Making out im trying to control him. !
Will not listen to me saying it's the not thinking of others that is annoying me. He could easily have eaten it the next day instead.
It is not the case i frequently complain (and i wasnt at this time either) so not sure if it was a misunderstanding that i did feel quite ill. )

So i ask him to just not do that again (as in eat something that could be gone off (whilst im already ill and we have kids to look after) and he wont.
He is generally pretty selfish and we end up arguing sometimes as he does the same things over and again.
I dont know if he argues because he cant be wrong. But he seems to genuinely think it's ok. (Though tbh it would generally be me watching ill dc after possibly help clearing up initial vomit.). I dont think im asking too much.
Im concerned that he cares more about eating x (something sweet) than well anyone other than him.
Tbh i feel that the kids have more sense!
It really isnt a do as i say think
1 i just cant see why he would make the choice he did anyway
2 if he is going to ignore he could at least have said.
3 he wont let me explain that it's about more than just him. And honestly i still think he would only think about him
4 obviously unlikely to happen again but if it did i wouldnt trust him (and also would he ignore what i said and feed it to the kids?!! and would likely have to rush down and immediately bin the food.

He also has said why are you just arguing about x food. Cannot see my concerns at all. y

It is often not even about the choices he makes at the time but he wont see any other side and ends up arguing as he would choose to make the decision again. And i sometimes feel i dont want to live with someone who cant discuss without arguing.

He literally doesnt listen properly either and adds details in his own head. was saying i said loose stomach (i didnt). Tried to say similar to that oh it's because youve been eating rubbish and are bloated etc.
He was actually quite offensive saying im crazy etc.
And i can see to him it seems an overreaction.
I think it's also that he wouldnt even consider not having something he wanted even though it might impact others. Whereas i would say 'youre right i'll eat something else (plenty there) just in case, dont wan t everyone ill at once.

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 07/01/2021 20:58

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Honestly, if my dh told me "don't eat this, it's probably off" and then bugger off to do something else while leaving the food there, not putting it in a bin, I would think he waas messing with me🤷🏻
My DH does this too. He will say something is terrible and don’t eat it....when he really means it’s delicious and he doesn’t want to share.
Christmasjunkie · 07/01/2021 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Keepdistance · 07/01/2021 20:59

Ursula yes. Not quite those things but definitely defiant. And i know better attitude. And i think that is where 1 dc gets it from.

I dont think controlling no. Because he does eat stuff going past use by date and though i might say thats not a good idea i dont stop him at all (though i know about the toxins etc) .

He couldnt have known it wasnt the food as i still felt ill when he did it.
I think it's different attitude to risk but frustrating that his thinking about just himself could have affected everyone else.
Was he right - not really as my concern wasnt later whether he would die etc. But missing work/toilets/cleaning kids up. Plus to me not eating x wasnt really a big deal, he had already had chocolate etc and there were other things to eat.

OP posts:
Schoolchoicehelparg · 07/01/2021 21:00

Honestly this sounds less about the food, and more like something probably a lot of us are going through right now - lockdown means we’re spending too much time with our partners and finding them irritating!

I think you were unreasonable here, but I get how easily annoying DPs are at the moment!

Pukkatea · 07/01/2021 21:00

Honestly, I wouldn't not eat something that doesn't usually go bad, looked smelled fine etc just because it was suspected to have given two people a stomach ache. I have forgotten the long OP already, did you say it was sweet? So a pudding? You and DC probably did just eat too much

Hellothere19999 · 07/01/2021 21:01

Lol at this whole thread. Also, there’s an incubation period with food poisoning I’m pretty sure? It doesn’t happen instantly 😂😂😂😂 same as what someone else said with thinking its some kind of joke if my partner left it out and was like “don’t eat this ok” then buggered off. 😂😂😂 Sorry. I can’t believe this has actually been posted. Lol.

IPead · 07/01/2021 21:02

Because he does eat stuff going past use by date and though i might say thats not a good idea i dont stop him at all (though i know about the toxins etc)

I mean, even this sounds controlling. The fact that you’re taking mental notes about him eating things that are past their use by date.

Diddlysquatty · 07/01/2021 21:02

I’m sorry maybe it’s the mood I’m in but the first part of your OP really made me laugh 😂

You - DP, the Dc and I are ill and I I think it might be this. You didn’t eat any did you?
DP - no.... but hmmm yum think I will now! 😂😂😂

PlanDeRaccordement · 07/01/2021 21:02

Was he right - not really as my concern wasnt later whether he would die etc. But missing work/toilets/cleaning kids up.

You are hard work. Yes he was right because no one got sick. Your concern about missing work, toilets, and cleaning kids up DID NOT MATERIALISE, therefore you were wrong.

Of course he is “defiant” he is not your child, you seem to have no respect for his autonomy as a fellow adult.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 07/01/2021 21:03

I think it's different attitude to risk

You can't really moan about attitude to risk when you think something's gone off and just leave it there...

CathyorClaire · 07/01/2021 21:03

God above.

If he decides to chance a bit of dodgy nosh it's on him as an adult.

It's not like you're going to be the one worshipping at the porcelain altar if it all goes tits up Hmm.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 07/01/2021 21:03

WHAT WAS THE BLOODY FOOD???

hansgrueber · 07/01/2021 21:04

Making out im trying to control him. !

And he's not wrong, is he? You told him what you thought and he, as an adult, made a decision you didn't like, how very dare he think for himself!

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 07/01/2021 21:05

But... you’re not all ill are you?

BendyLikeBeckham · 07/01/2021 21:05

I think the issue is that he doesn't listen to you, and whenever he is ill you have to clean up after him, pick up the slack and do all the housework and childcare while he takes to his bed like an invalid?

When you get ill, life carries on as usual with you doing everything.

I may be projecting here though.

Gwenhwyfar · 07/01/2021 21:05

"Also, there’s an incubation period with food poisoning I’m pretty sure?"

Not sure about that. I've seen people react pretty quickly to bad eggs, for example.

KumquatSalad · 07/01/2021 21:05

Why are you being coy about the food @Keepdistance?

Is it outing in the same way that DH’s hobbies always seem to be?

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 07/01/2021 21:06

I get that there are bigger issues in your relationship, and this is just one thing out of many. So maybe focus on that instead because it's very unlikely you'll get many YANBU.

Also, I don't get sick from eating stuff out of date and I am less sensitive than OH for example so I probably would've eaten it too .

Notnt · 07/01/2021 21:06

So you worried (and still seem to be worrying) about something that didn't happen (all being ill with 2 bathrooms), are still going on about it and have posted about it ib excruciating detail... Sorry YABU.

oakleaffy · 07/01/2021 21:06

'' My DH does this too. He will say something is terrible and don’t eat it....when he really means it’s delicious and he doesn’t want to share ''

Haha!!
''Christ! That quiche is so rank it could walk to the plate by itself!''

Gone.

IPead · 07/01/2021 21:06

Do you have health anxiety?

StormcloakNord · 07/01/2021 21:07

Wait so you didn't throw it out because it's not a food that would usually make someone ill but you didn't want your DH to eat it in case he DID get ill?

Did you just expect the food to fall into a black hole in the fridge? If you didn't throw it out but didn't want anyone else to eat it where was it going to go?!

Viviennemary · 07/01/2021 21:07

You sound like hard work. I don't think he ate it deliberately to make himself ill.

oakleaffy · 07/01/2021 21:08

Man up and use a bucket, OP.

Have done this before

2 people, One lavatory.

One has to use a bucket to Chunder into.

2 lavatories is bliss!

PlanDeRaccordement · 07/01/2021 21:08

@GoodbyePorpoiseSpit

But... you’re not all ill are you?
No one actually got ill. Op stated We were fine my stomacheache went after a couple of hours and dc fell asleep and was ok.

But she is “so angry” because in an alternate reality she might have been ill and the DC and with only toilets, how would they cope! It’s luje she was imagining the scene from Bridesmaids when they ate the dodgy kebabs before the bridal fitting.

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