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Original poster

Do I have a right to be angry about this? (Trans related)

999 replies

Nc109283485 · 07/01/2021 13:09

Nc for obvious reasons. This is a very personal issue to me which I am understandably sensitive about, so this may be why I feel this way. I am perfectly happy to be told I AMBU! I believe trans people deserve love and respect and a happy life just like everyone else. So why did this concern and anger me?

I have a condition called vaginismus which has been very traumatic and caused me lots of grief over my life. In my eyes it is a very personal and female problem. (Look if up if you're not sure what it is).

I have tried to join a support group on a social media platform to really get to the bottom of it and sort it out. I wont say which one as dont want to 'out' either myself or the group involved. My request was pending and a message sent. I assumed this was to confirm I definitely suffer from this condition and to make sure I wasn't some strange pervert, but no! The administrator messaged me to say that before I was accepted I would have to answer a 'test question' as this is a gender inclusive group. Will I be addressing group members as 'ladies, men or everyone'. The tone felt quite aggressive and if I did not pass this test I would not be admitted.

My first thought was are men allowed to enter this group? Do I really have to speak about my vagina in front of 'everyone'? Why not say hello ladies (and the occasional transman who currently has issues with their vagina) no I have to address everyone? Wtf?

I honestly don't know what to think right now but this group clearly isn't for me. But maybe I just need some re-education?

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 09/01/2021 19:25

No, I think they should stop making women walk on eggshells when discussing their own bodies and the exclusively female health condition the group purports to address.

If you think saying 'everyone' instead of 'ladies' is walking on eggshells then you must lead a very privileged life.

Quaagars · 09/01/2021 19:26

Very true, I would say ciswoman but I know that's an offensive term on here. See how I changed my language to suit my audience and not cause offence. Easy, wasn't it

Exactly

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/01/2021 19:27

I'm not just talking about that. I have repeatedly talked about the wider issues.

Whatwouldscullydo · 09/01/2021 19:28

I'm not just talking about that. I have repeatedly talked about the wider issues

Still no response to the disgusting term used to describe black women either..

HeadIsFucked · 09/01/2021 19:28

From experience, its often not 'oh well you can chose not to join this inclusive group when you see the rules'. Womens groups appear to be being taken over enmasse by this ridiculousness. I have been kicked out of one I have been a member of for 6 years now, because the rules changed overnight after 'prompting' by some 'inclusive' lot..so that discussing an issue I had was deemed transphobic, I was piled on for using the word female, and promptly kicked out. I have stayed quiet in 2 others, which have gone the same way but no doubt next time I post I will fall foul of some of the new rules, given anything that focuses on women at all seems to be taboo now. Including speaking about the fucking body parts that the problem is with, in one of them! Its nonsense.

While in theory you can find another 'support' group for the topic, its not that easy in practise at the moment. At all. Its happening everywhere. And like fuck is it about transmen. Infact, transmen who are in said groups seem as baffled by the sudden bending over backwards 'to please them' as the women in the groups are, and I have actually seen one transman kicked out of a female centred support group for questioning the ridiculous changes that are apparently about supporting people like them. Its just ridiculous.

And people who keep pretending that this is a one off, and nothing to worry about, and just kicking off about nothing, 'trying to stop inclusiveness' and whatnot, its just gaslighting on a massive scale.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/01/2021 19:29

Very true, I would say ciswoman but I know that's an offensive term on here.

It's not just considerate, it's against talk guidelines to use it about women here, because it's generally considered goady. So it's prudent not to. I rarely report people because I prefer not to control people's speech, but others do and I've seen many posts deleted for it.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 09/01/2021 19:30

No, I think they should stop making women walk on eggshells when discussing their own bodies and the exclusively female health condition the group purports to address.

I'm not just talking about that. I have repeatedly talked about the wider issues.

You were talking about the group Confused

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/01/2021 19:30

And people who keep pretending that this is a one off, and nothing to worry about, and just kicking off about nothing, 'trying to stop inclusiveness' and whatnot, its just gaslighting on a massive scale.

It is. And it's illustrative to watch and take note of.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/01/2021 19:32

You were talking about the group

I was referencing the wider issue in the context of this group and others I've seen what's happened in. As you know. How's that "faux confusion" you think everyone else should stop putting on?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 09/01/2021 19:33

It's not just considerate, it's against talk guidelines to use it about women here, because it's generally considered goady.

Like joining a group using trans inclusive language because its within their guidelines I guess.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/01/2021 19:33

given anything that focuses on women at all seems to be taboo now. Including speaking about the fucking body parts that the problem is with, in one of them! Its nonsense.

YY.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 09/01/2021 19:34

the group purports to address.

I'm not faux confused at all, you literally mentioned the group.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/01/2021 19:34

Like joining a group using trans inclusive language because its within their guidelines I guess.

She didn't goad anyone, she just wanted to talk about her female only health condition without being aggressively wrongthink policed?

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/01/2021 19:37

If you think saying 'everyone' instead of 'ladies' is walking on eggshells then you must lead a very privileged life.

This is your goady response to my very general comment. You mentioned the group, I mentioned the wider issue. Not sneering at women, eh?

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/01/2021 19:39

We all know, us women who object, because we've seen it before, what is coming. An obsessive focus on woke language isn't going anywhere good for a woman wanting to discuss her female body issues without walking on eggshells.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/01/2021 19:41

Shall I provide a definition of the common usage term "walking on eggshells"?

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/01/2021 19:43

Womens groups appear to be being taken over enmasse by this ridiculousness. I have been kicked out of one I have been a member of for 6 years now, because the rules changed overnight after 'prompting' by some 'inclusive' lot..so that discussing an issue I had was deemed transphobic, I was piled on for using the word female, and promptly kicked out.

Yes, I think this is quite common. These groups are deliberately infiltrated as "activism" on some occasions.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 09/01/2021 19:44

So MN are allowed guidelines which you agree with, but this FB group aren't allowed guidelines because.... why?

Not sneering at women not at all, just answering your points.

Nameitychangity · 09/01/2021 19:45

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Again, its a Facebook group that we are talking about here. A facebook group run by a trans inclusive individual. Do you think its right that the op wants to join a trans inclusive group and change the rules and language? Do you think any transpeople in the group who are struggling and have found support should fuck off to make the op more comfortable?
And yet you seem to advocate 51% of the entire FUCKING POPULATION changing their rules and language to suit the TINY TINY minority of people with an issue. The 51% has to change to make the minority 'more comfortable'.
HeadIsFucked · 09/01/2021 19:48

Saying everyone is no big deal. It won't end at that though, and pretending it does is just..well either naive, or manipulative.

Hiding this now as know how these go. Felt the need to post my experience though, and its by no means a rare one. IIRC the main Endometriosis and PCOS support groups on reddit were taken over by males and the same thing happened there too? So its not even able to be written off as some niche thing happening to tiny amounts of women. Those groups were full of supportive posts from women, for women, to transmen also, or some were, oddly enough all managing to speak fine to each other with minimal (if any) upset, until the males arrived. How unusual eh. And yeah, not happening to any mens groups, another odd thing. I don't want it to happen to mens groups mind (me need support groups for medical issues or whateve, the same as women do), as its shitty its happening to womens ones, but the difference is stark. Pretending its not there helps noone.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/01/2021 19:49

just answering your points.

No you didn't, you chose what you wanted to answer and put the words in my mouth. This isn't really a good faith discussion on your part, I think that's obvious to many on this thread.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/01/2021 19:50

There's never any empathy for women, is there?

Whatwouldscullydo · 09/01/2021 19:50

Are you going to answer aviut the black birthing bodies difficult

When dealing with an horrific issue where wonen are dying, black womens specifically, and thats a fact being obscured by inclusive language, do you not think that its inappropriate ?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 09/01/2021 19:51

And yet you seem to advocate 51% of the entire FUCKING POPULATION changing their rules and language to suit the TINY TINY minority of people with an issue. The 51% has to change to make the minority 'more comfortable'.

Oh, I thought I said that it would be good if everyone changed to more neutral language, not just women. Dont let what I actually said get in the way of your narrative though Smile

Nameitychangity · 09/01/2021 19:53

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

And yet you seem to advocate 51% of the entire FUCKING POPULATION changing their rules and language to suit the TINY TINY minority of people with an issue. The 51% has to change to make the minority 'more comfortable'.

Oh, I thought I said that it would be good if everyone changed to more neutral language, not just women. Dont let what I actually said get in the way of your narrative though Smile

Believe me, NONE of this is 'our' narrative.