To cringe when people over describe their food?

[BooFuckingHoo2]

Lighthearted

“What did you have for lunch?”

“Oh I had soft scrambled eggs on crusty bakery sourdough, topped off with sun blushed vine tomatoes and a sprinkling of cracked black pepper”

So you had egg and tomato on toast then .

I get the similar cringe when people describe having toast with “lashings of butter” or a cake with “oodles of cream”.

Anyone else?

I want to punch most online recipe authors/food bloggers by the time I actually manage to find the recipe.

SHUT UP! I don’t care about you, I just to cook the damn dish.

In a book it’s a little different and I’m more amenable to a rambling introduction.

*just want to...

@merryhouse

I like mine all yellow and NOT undercooked but definitely slightly goopy. No gross discharge style white gloop but kinda "wet". What's that then?!

@ooohbriefcase

The recipe websites are the worst. Having to scroll through them going on and on and on about the recipe. JUST GIVE ME THE FLIPPING RECIPE SO I CAN GET ON WITH IT!

And even then, 90% of the time, the recipe will start by saying "preheat your oven to 180 degrees" Then list X,Y, and Z which will take a while to do - possibly including 'marinade overnight' and all the time your oven is supposed to be on... doing what?

I want to punch people who say 'plate up'

Yes! I work with a lady who does this.
"We went to the pub for tea, I had rump steak, medium rare, with chips and peas and onion rings, it came with a small pot of ketchup. Keith had lasagne with 2 slices of garlic bread, lettuce, tomato and a small pot of coleslaw "
At least I haven't had one of these stories in a long while!

@manukau

I've never heard anyone do this in real life. What annoys me is when i google a recipe and have to read someone's life story about how their grandma taught them to cook and blah blah blah... just list the ingredients and method please!!

This. A million times over.

I bloody love food. But the life story thing makes me so so cross. I DON'T CARE!!!! I dont want to bloody scroll for pages just to see the recipe. No no no

oh god yeah the recipes from self indulgent blog. pages of 'I first discovered this recipe whilst surfing with my friends who look like golden retrievers in Qualiampirasulio, a man selling dung beetles on the beach took me to his hut made of tyres....etcetcetcetc.'

@GarlicSoup

Can I please add that adults describing their food as ‘yummy’ gives me the fecking rage

Can I add “scrummy” I actually want to kill people who say that

Can’t say I’ve ever come across this in my lift tbh.

Weirdly I dont mind it when Nigella does it. Its sort of her thing isnt it. I think I weirdly found more respect for her when I found out she likes a sneaky toot occasionally.

That kind of over described twaddle is due to the irritating poncy menus in overpriced poncy celebrity chef restaurants and all the bollocks on Masterchef and the like. Along with frying off etc. and the adding of cinnamon to every bloody meal that doesn't have basil in it.

Soft scrambled eggs or firm, fine. Just cook them as long as you want and stop just before they are how you want them. Don't count the grains of salt and list them.

It did make me cringe a bit when my friend would shut up about how moist the Aldi lemon drizzle cake was, like it was really moist, never expected it to be that moist, really nice but so moist.

posh men with their 'prep' can go fall asleep in the snow as well

@user1471565182

oh god yeah the recipes from self indulgent blog. pages of 'I first discovered this recipe whilst surfing with my friends who look like golden retrievers in Qualiampirasulio, a man selling dung beetles on the beach took me to his hut made of tyres....etcetcetcetc.'

Basically "I googled and so I can't be accused of nicking the recipe I changed 2 things and told you massive backstory"

@manukau

I've never heard anyone do this in real life. What annoys me is when i google a recipe and have to read someone's life story about how their grandma taught them to cook and blah blah blah... just list the ingredients and method please!!

Absolutely - and recipes in cups. What size cup? Just give me the recipe, cut the waffle and tell me proper measurements!

"Flavourful" is the word I can't abide. So many tv cookery programmes are full of it, and I have to stop myself throwing the remote at the tv.

Of course it's flavourful you loon, no-one is going to brag about bland food are they?

What's even more weird.is when in stores like home bargains an elsewhere in certain cafes/outlets
.
They have a refreshment drinks called/described as Pussy. and a skinny water skinny Latte drink

This is why BBC Good Food recipes are brilliant. They always work. They have zero ponce 👌

Im going to drop some of my camping food stories online. Pork scratchings cooked in puddle water with bullrush root.

@WeatherwaxOn cups for cooking/baking are a standard size. Mine are 250ml, though I think some are 240ml. Recipes which use cups tend to need less precision, so I don't think the extra 10ml makes a huge difference.

But I'm with you - I prefer actual weights!

(Oh, and a stick of butter is 4oz )

Some of my (British) colleagues here in Europe have got into the infuriating habit of volunteering detailed information on what they had for lunch (in the cafeteria, fgs) in awestruck tones while wearing a mystical expression. They think it’s very Gallic and sophisticated.

YANBU OP!

A 'hearty' soup does my head in too.

I imagine random offal floating around amongst the veg 😂😂

Haha my Mum did this if we didn't have much food in when we were kids "hunks of crusty bread with homemade chunky vegetable soup"

Absolutely - and recipes in cups. What size cup? Just give me the recipe, cut the waffle and tell me proper measurements!

I think the point about cup sizes is if all the ingredients are measured in cups it doesn't matter what size you use - as long as you use the same one throughout. The proportions will stay the same. 'I cup flour to one cup water' will give you the same mix as 'I bucket flour to one bucket water'.