How do this woman do it.

[Meh21]

Hi all, want to talk about a neighbour of mine. She is lovely, a little up herself (I don’t think she realises this) but lovely too.

She is like bleddy Wonder Woman. She works in a high pressure job, she is part of the parent group at school fundraising etc, volunteers etc. She goes to every exercise and activity group going, meets friends all the time (covid allowing of course). Her children do every single extra curricular activity (again covid allowing) and sports groups both at the school and elsewhere. They go away at the weekend (again covid allowing). She’s very vocal about how much she gets up to both in person and on social media. This is great for her. But where does she get the time and energy?!

Then there’s me, don’t get me wrong I’m not a complete slob but I’m not actually working at the minute due to covid and other reasons. I’m just about keeping the kids alive (jokes 🤣). I manage to shower, entertain (now teach) the kids, do laundry and keep the house relatively clean & presentable and go for a quick walk but other than that? Not a lot! Even as a stay at home mum I feel I don’t have the time to do half as much as she does.

To add, both my children have sen which makes it slightly harder. Plus my partner works every hour under the sun and I am home on my own a lot of the time!

Aibu to think most parents don’t have a lot of time for everything and we shouldn’t feel like we were doing enough?

I really don’t know how she does it?

She's on drugs?

I don’t work atm and don’t do even half of what she achieves! Thinking about it all just makes me 💤💤 obviously she probably isn’t doing much now due to lockdown but has been the same for years. I’d just like to know where she gets the energy 😅

You know the phrase "if you want something done, ask a busy person" - some people just get things done, unlike me who spends hours sitting on sofa watching TV.

I often think this! I look at some people and just can't understand how they have the energy to do everything!! Don't they ever just get tired and fancy watching tv??

I think it’s easier to do more when you’re already super busy, if that makes sense. Like the saying ‘if you need something done, ask a busy person’.
When I was a SAHM everything seemed an issue to do and I think that even though I kept the children busy and didn’t have a cleaner, there wasn’t really any pressure or any deadlines. When I went back to work part time, I got so much more achieved. It’s the motivation, I think. Once you’re doing one task and one exercise class on the go, it’s easy to do another.....and then pick up the shopping.....and then meet friends.....and then you want to ‘relax’ by going away.
Don’t know if I’ve explained that well!

M friends thought like that of me...I had massive crippling anxiety and I did absolutely everything because I had to be the best mum in the world so no-one judged me.

I massively volunteered for a national charity in a national prize winning role with every award going. My 3 children did every class you could imagine - ballet, music, water polo to a national level.

I crashed and burned, fell out with friends, was ditched forcibly from the charity work and one of my children is in counselling because she massively resents being pushed into some sports

Comparison is the thief of joy. Just enjoy your life and focus on you and your family

Does she have "help"? I don't mean of the chemical variety.

I have a neighbour like this and just couldn't fathom it, until i was off sick for a full week. Then i saw how it really worked. Full meal service delivery every day, laundry service, ironing, cleaning crew in twice, gardners, dog walkers, kids being collected and dropped off (never by her), the works! Would have been a full time job just answering the bloody door!!

And yes. I am. Very jealous!

Is she also quite slim? Then my guess...cocaine.

In all honesty some people like being busy,others are content at a slower pace. Don't compare, just do what makes you happy.

Personally me, husband or my kids don't need lots of 'activities' to be happy, some nice lunch, snuggle up and watch film, or play monopoly or mario kart and we are happy.

The nanny does it, and the cleaner, ironing is done by the cleaner or outsourced.

I used to think this about a mum of a kid at nursery school. She had very bad sciatica at the end of her pregnancy, husband in a wheelchair , running a home, multiple kids, kids author and small business woman. Made me feel awful as towards the end of my last pregnancy I'd finished work incredibly early, and was barely managing anything.

Eventually through other means I met the nanny and got to know her quite well...shed a whole new light on the situation!!!

Aibu to think most parents don’t have a lot of time for everything and we shouldn’t feel like we were doing enough?

You are (gently). What she does/how she lives isn’t a reflection on you. You’re doing enough, she’s doing enough.

I’m a bit like this woman. That’s how I like it .

What do you mean by up herself?

Comparison is the theaf of joy! Don't compare your insides to others outsides. Two clichés but I think there is some truth in them. You don't know how she fells, how happy she is, how much help she has, how easy her kids are etc.

Easy to assume she has it all and us doing it all. But you just don't know.

Don't think of it as her being Wonder Woman. It's just that her hobbies don't include sitting down, like many of ours do. And that's fine. My point is, don't compare.

@BliainNua

You know the phrase "if you want something done, ask a busy person" - some people just get things done, unlike me who spends hours sitting on sofa watching TV.

This is very true, when I was working full time I found it much easier to get things done, now I'm retired with all the time in the world things get left 'til tomorrow',

She's probably not on Mumsnet, for starters
But yes, some busy people seem to easily add x, y and z activity to an already busy schedule, like a pp describes above. On the other hand, I'm a SAHM and some days/weeks I achieve a lot, and other times Im lucky if I keep everyone fed and get the kids to bed at a reasonable time. Never achieve quite as much as the lady the OP talks about, mind!

She sounds a bit like me. Full time career, single parent, I'm in multiple clubs, one kid is in a couple of them, often away weekends (certainly busy for most of them). People think I'm mad and I'm often asked how I manage it.

Truth is, I sort of have to function at that level or I stop completely and sink into depression. If I'm sat around, I start overthinking so I keep busy.

I think energy begets energy. When you get used to a certain level of activity it gets easier to sustain it.

We had one of these at DS Primary school.
She was also very glamorous and wealthy
Unfortunately she was also just so bloody lovely too so you couldn’t hate her.

I used to be this woman, I was an absolute machine and very driven. I also wasn’t comfortable with myself. I stayed busy because it’s what I knew and if I stayed busy I didn’t have to stop/ think/ address issues.

Then I crashed and burned. Life caught up with me. I reset. Have retained my career but every other part of my life has slowed. I work out but not like a machine. I have much more help around the house (nanny/ cleaner/ gardener). Social life hugely downsized - weekends / evenings more likely to be contentedly at home/ watching tv/ reading a book/ playing board games with the kids. If I see friends, they’re a very small, close set.

Output? I’m a much nicer/ calmer person. I’m much more comfortable in my own skin and therefore happy to be ‘still.’

The downside is the bedroom that the old me would have had decorated and sorted within weeks remains unpainted and unfurnished some 2 months later. Meh. Once Covid is over I’ll get someone in to help.

If her kids are activities then she has more time to attend meetings /volunteer etc. She also probably has a cleaner, child care, family help. Plus yes, some people will use their downtime more productively than others.

Don't worry about it, as long as you're happy with your lifestyle. I sometimes feel I should be doing more and then I remember I can't be arsed

I think her life sounds easier than yours tbh. You are doing loads, give yourself some credit!

Thanks all. I don’t consider myself a lazy person. I like to keep busy due to my own anxiety but I wouldn’t have time for it all myself! By keeping myself busy at the minute I mean, seeing to the kids, housework, running errands, walks etc! Maybe it’s because I’m unsociable and hate organised groups 😅

She is really nice. I’m in no way judging her for it. She is a bit up herself. It’s hard to explain but she’s really nice but at the same time a bit of a show off?

Energy begets energy. If you look at your own habits you might find that you are doing things that destroy energy. E.g. alcohol in the evening, waking late, eating badly, that sort of thing.

I do know people like this. They don't have extra help (they may have a cleaner once a week but so do I).
One example, covid excepting: both parents work full time, three kids, one dog. Parents up by 6.30, one goes to the gym while the other gets kids up and ready for school. Kids walk to school with obe parent and dog; eldest takes train, parents go to work. Kids home, one parent gets there if eldest not around. Usual afterschool stuff, homework etc. Dinner gets cooked, all eat, one parent stays home other goes to gym. In weekends same but instead of school it's football/ballet/judo/swimming etc. They also entertained quite a bit.
Bills get paid, laundry gets done, house is kept tidy, shop is online (after my friend told me she was at tesco at 5am one day I told her to embrace home delivery). At one point the female half spent every other weekend at her parents home as her mother had dementia. She was also a school governor. And was in a book club.
They never just sat and chilled. They were a go go go family.

Some people thrive on activity. Its partly temperament/genetics but habit, health, wellbeing and upbringing can contribute. I find the most resilient people I know are constant "do-ers".

She probably isn't showing off - it's just how she lives.