How do this woman do it.

[Meh21]

Hi all, want to talk about a neighbour of mine. She is lovely, a little up herself (I don’t think she realises this) but lovely too.

She is like bleddy Wonder Woman. She works in a high pressure job, she is part of the parent group at school fundraising etc, volunteers etc. She goes to every exercise and activity group going, meets friends all the time (covid allowing of course). Her children do every single extra curricular activity (again covid allowing) and sports groups both at the school and elsewhere. They go away at the weekend (again covid allowing). She’s very vocal about how much she gets up to both in person and on social media. This is great for her. But where does she get the time and energy?!

Then there’s me, don’t get me wrong I’m not a complete slob but I’m not actually working at the minute due to covid and other reasons. I’m just about keeping the kids alive (jokes 🤣). I manage to shower, entertain (now teach) the kids, do laundry and keep the house relatively clean & presentable and go for a quick walk but other than that? Not a lot! Even as a stay at home mum I feel I don’t have the time to do half as much as she does.

To add, both my children have sen which makes it slightly harder. Plus my partner works every hour under the sun and I am home on my own a lot of the time!

Aibu to think most parents don’t have a lot of time for everything and we shouldn’t feel like we were doing enough?

I really don’t know how she does it?

@PositiveLife

She sounds a bit like me. Full time career, single parent, I'm in multiple clubs, one kid is in a couple of them, often away weekends (certainly busy for most of them). People think I'm mad and I'm often asked how I manage it.

Truth is, I sort of have to function at that level or I stop completely and sink into depression. If I'm sat around, I start overthinking so I keep busy.

I’m the same. I have to be mad busy or I feel like I’m not achieving anything. But I enjoy it. I can’t sit down for long, except when I’m having tea in the mornings.

MN makes me laugh though. “Thin busy woman?....she’s obviously on coke.”

@Winterwoollies - I would love to be like you. Or at least, more like you. Have you always been this way?

DP is like this. High up NHS management job. Workaholic. Sews. Yoga. Running. Walks. Cycles. Goes to after work sports groups. Studying for management quals. Cooks. Obsessed with laundry. Gets up at 5am daily.

It is quite hard to live with because he only cooks and does laundry. No other housework. Everything is on his timetable and when he says 'Do we need to do...' or 'What are we doing on xxx' my heart sinks because I want to read or watch crap TV or just decompress from a FT job, 3DC and going out at 9.30pm every night to pick DS1 up from his after school job. (The DC aren't his and whilst he does lots for them he doesn't have the mental/emotional load that I do). He thinks because he is busy, I should be too. I am constantly telling his to sod off, I am a tortoise, he is a hare and I am not changing, which he takes in good humour. I think underneath he is very anxious, he was in an abusive relationship with a much older woman from aged 17 who constantly bossed him about. It stems from that I think.

[quote Labobo]@Winterwoollies - I would love to be like you. Or at least, more like you. Have you always been this way?[/quote]
God no. It’s something that has happened as I’ve got older and more so since my baby was born. I wasn’t very (MH) well in my pregnancy and for me, being on top of things became my ultimate goal and now it’s just habit. But it’s useful and I get stuff done. But I try not to let it become obsessive in the sense that I don’t need the kitchen to be immaculate before I go to bed but I like it to be. But if it’s not, then so be it. I do like the sense of achievement which is probably why I’ve gone back to uni, too. I do feel like I’ve slightly over faced myself some days.

Could I gently suggest that you consider the attitude you are demonstrating to your children? Your dismissal of someone who lives differently to you as “up themselves” is not very nice

Could I gently suggest that this comes across as a bit sanctimonious?

I took it as the OP is generally admiring of this woman’s drive and likes her in spite of the fact that is is occasionally a bit up herself.

I’m like this. Run my home, a top full time exec career, I run 5k x3 a week, walk everyday. fitting in home education for kids and I do an hour violin practice a day I’m also reading a book on the history of cancer. I Do my own cooking and cleaning.

To me that’s normal and in my mind I have goals. I want early retirement, I want to be a good violinist I’m working to pass my grade 5 violin exam, I want to have financial security and I’m planning to buy another investment property. For me, I live for goals and will do everything I can to get that. Hubby equally the same.

It’s my way of keeping oiled, sane, a good mental and physical temperament and sense of self satisfaction and achievement.

I have colleagues working on PHds, doctorates whilst managing 3 or 4 kids or aiming to be CEO of their own company or want to be award winning industry experts in what they do. To me that’s a whole another level! I have colleagues that are ex - NASA. Their kids at Eton.

But I think there’s nothing wrong if you’re happy with what you have.

I know people like this. I've come to the conclusion that some people just naturally have more energy than others and don't need as much downtime. Like people who work 60 hour weeks and are fine with it.

I just can't be that busy - I need at least 8 hours of sleep, preferably 9, at least an hour of down time a day and at least one lazy duvet day every couple of weeks. I do have short busts when I'm very productive...I just can't sustain it every day.

"Could I gently suggest that you consider the attitude you are demonstrating to your children? Your dismissal of someone who lives differently to you as “up themselves” is not very nice"

Some people are up themselves though.

cocaine? 🤷‍♀️🤣 Or excessive caffeine perhaps? She must me exhaust underneath it all

They never just sat and chilled. They were a go go go family.

I think this is a large part of it.

I have friends who pretty much schedule every part of their day - not necessarily in a formal sense but they have a very set routine.

I had to be like this when I was a project manager and I hated it. Always found myself thinking "when do I get time for life?" Then I'd reflect that this was life.

Personally, I need some time for reflection. Some have the 'I'll rest when I'm dead' mentality but I'd hate to rush through life and only pause for thought when I retired and was no longer young.

But others think in terms of concrete and tangible achievement and feel comforted knowing they've accomplished xyz.

I had a friend similar, although no social media back then. Never fazed about anything, always had time to everything or anything needed by anyone. Lovely person but I could never keep up with her organising skills. She did know she was about the only person like that but never criticise anyone with less energy/organisation skills.