How do this woman do it.

[Meh21]

Hi all, want to talk about a neighbour of mine. She is lovely, a little up herself (I don’t think she realises this) but lovely too.

She is like bleddy Wonder Woman. She works in a high pressure job, she is part of the parent group at school fundraising etc, volunteers etc. She goes to every exercise and activity group going, meets friends all the time (covid allowing of course). Her children do every single extra curricular activity (again covid allowing) and sports groups both at the school and elsewhere. They go away at the weekend (again covid allowing). She’s very vocal about how much she gets up to both in person and on social media. This is great for her. But where does she get the time and energy?!

Then there’s me, don’t get me wrong I’m not a complete slob but I’m not actually working at the minute due to covid and other reasons. I’m just about keeping the kids alive (jokes 🤣). I manage to shower, entertain (now teach) the kids, do laundry and keep the house relatively clean & presentable and go for a quick walk but other than that? Not a lot! Even as a stay at home mum I feel I don’t have the time to do half as much as she does.

To add, both my children have sen which makes it slightly harder. Plus my partner works every hour under the sun and I am home on my own a lot of the time!

Aibu to think most parents don’t have a lot of time for everything and we shouldn’t feel like we were doing enough?

I really don’t know how she does it?

The other secret to energy is getting other people to do the stuff that drains energy for no apparent gain. E.g. cleaning. Men have known this for years, that cleaning is a waste of energy. Women are finally coming to this realisation and contracting it out so they can get on with more important stuff.

@arethereanyleftatall

Don't think of it as her being Wonder Woman. It's just that her hobbies don't include sitting down, like many of ours do. And that's fine. My point is, don't compare.

This.

You could be describing my colleague! Despite a high powered and very demanding job, and a DH who works away and small DC, she always finds time for a very active social life, weekends away, lots of activities with the DC (pre lockdown obvs). I've come to the conclusion that some people just have limitless energy and love to be very, very busy...

It doesn’t sound like she spends a great deal of time interacting with her children.

I think it’s easier to do more when you’re already super busy, if that makes sense. Like the saying ‘if you need something done, ask a busy person’.

Yes deifintely. Some people thrive under pressure. I used to be like this when I juggled lots of things. Now I'm WFH and still juggling, just at home most of the time and it all seems such a chore. I don't get a buzz out of it. I struggle to get out of bed these days, even though it's two hours later than I did to go to the office and never had a problem with mornings before.

Is she also quite slim? Then my guess...cocaine.

Tbf the amount of activity she is doing would explain her being slim!!

Yes, but is she happy?

Some people like being busy and operate better when under pressure - I’m one of them. I need to be doing stuff.

For example I get up at 5:30 so I can read for thirty mins, then I run/ do Pilates before showering and making hot breakfast for the DC. I then walk the dog, take 2 DC to school, then back to pick up the other 2 DC start work at 8:30.

Half my friends don’t even get out of bed before 8:30

I think it's bred into some people/families. My best friend from uni. is like this. She's a teacher, leads kids dance, Brownies, Guides and helps out with church things and never seems stressed or flustered. Ever. Her parents are exactly the same and so is her husband. They just see it as part of their time together. Whereas I am a lazy oik, whose favorite pastime is to sit in my camper van and eat marzipan, whilst MNing and shopping online!

As Oscar Wilde said "hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing to do".

She sounds great! Life is for living.

What’s her “High powered” career though?

Honest to God, there's never so little time than when your a SAHM!!

It's the weirdest thing. The hours between 9-3 are the equivalent of 10 minutes & very little seems to get done.

I swear I'm way more productive when I'm working!

OP I grew up with a dad like this

Doctor. Served on every voluntary committee, did lots of overtime, daily workouts, spend lots of time with us, found cooking and washing up therapeutic....and slept four hours a night.

All this while dashing round ICU.

If i didnt look like him I'd think I was adopted.

I cannot be like him. I have tried. I just made myself ill.

@PositiveLife

She sounds a bit like me. Full time career, single parent, I'm in multiple clubs, one kid is in a couple of them, often away weekends (certainly busy for most of them). People think I'm mad and I'm often asked how I manage it.

Truth is, I sort of have to function at that level or I stop completely and sink into depression. If I'm sat around, I start overthinking so I keep busy.

I'm like this too, some people just thrive off being busy all the time. I get antsy/bored (and yes, a little anxious) when I don't have a project!

I don't envy her at all.
It all sounds very stressful.

It's good for children to learn to slow down and appreciate the slow and mindful things in life- good for their mental health, good to learn how to be creative.
Kids raised at breakneck speed will often be the first to complain about being bored when all the activity pauses.

Sounds exhausting, maybe shes got adhd.

She probably has a cleaner.....also I second the cocaine suggestion.

Firstly, I don't think you being a SAHP means you automatically have more time than her. If you were working then your kids would be in daycare or with a childminder, grandparent etc. Basically, someone else would be dealing with them for the time that you were in work. Also you say your kids have SN - that is a whole different ball game! Obviously everyone's situation is different, but SAHP doesn't automatically mean you have more time than a working parent, it really depends.

Also, I think personality plays into this. I have some friends who simply cannot sit still. They are always doing loads of things and wearing themselves out because they want to be busy, or feel that they have to be busy. They were like this before they had kids. I have no doubt they will be like this after their kids have grown up and left home.

If you want to do more then go for it. You may find that as you start get busier, you have more energy. Or you may find that you can't be arsed and don't want to keep pushing yourself because it's driving you to an early grave. Either outcome is absolutely fine.

I wouldn't want to be like that. Have no desire to be constantly on the go. Infactvi wish I had more time to do nothing in normal times.
I do have a friend like this though, I dont envy her, she has mental health issues and has to keep herself on the go all the time. Has to be seen as taking the kids to do things all the time, be at the gym constantly, spotless house, perfect clothes etc.

My SIL is like this. I think she is amazing but I have no desire to compete or compare. I am me and she is she.

We only get one chance at life, no point spending it filled with jealousy, envy or suspicion.

She sits in the bath and cries at how tired she is and all she wants to do is eat cake and watch crap tv but we life is too full and she has to keep up appearances.
What I’m saying is that you see the outside of her not what’s in her head when she runs out the door to work or yet another club or date

@Guineapigbridge

Energy begets energy. If you look at your own habits you might find that you are doing things that destroy energy. E.g. alcohol in the evening, waking late, eating badly, that sort of thing.

I agree. I find the more I do, the capacity I have to get even more things done grows. I have to force myself in the beginning but after a while the extra thing just fits in with what I was doing before.

I would guess she’s very good at focusing and prioritising.

Like one PP mentioned, she probably has help but I mean that in a way that she focuses her energy on tasks which add the most value for her and the family and doesn’t waste time on non value. So she may well delegate out things like ironing, cleaning, house maintenance... basically she using her time productively, doesn’t take on random ad hoc tasks which don’t serve her goals.

Another way people people can be more effective is to use her time, so when she’s driving around dropping kids off to multiple clubs and hobbies she might be using that time to make phone calls and do life admin - or listen to podcasts (about being super organised maybe ). Makes appointments, sorts bills and makes lists and plans whilst she’s waiting for kids etc - it’s called no extra time - completing tasks during time you would be using anyway.

I am someone who fits a lot into my day. I always have been. I do get stressed but I don’t necessarily display it. So she may well be flapping under the surface but good at hiding it.

We all have our strengths, maybe being super organised and amazing with time management is hers. I’m sure you have lots of strengths too!

How old is she? Could she just be younger?! (it’s the excuse I use!)

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Some people thrive on activity. Its partly temperament/genetics but habit, health, wellbeing and upbringing can contribute. I find the most resilient people I know are constant "do-ers".

She probably isn't showing off - it's just how she lives.

This, I think. People have vastly different levels of energy, and also vastly different ideas of what constitutes ‘normal’ levels of activity and productivity. I don’t think I live in a whirl of activity, by any means, though I work ft in a demanding job, have a child, maintain important friendships, and do a fair amount of cultural stuff at nightingale non-COVID times, but to a friend of mine who has exactly the same job, and only has his children less than 50% of the time, my average week sounds impossibly frenetic and over-extended. This is someone whose idea of a normal weekend is barely leaving the sofa between Friday evening and Sunday bedtime. I would feel half-dead.