To think ADULTERY should be treated as FRAUD and punished accordingly?

[LockedDownLil]

By way of the cheated spouse being accorded a larger proportion of finances, automatic full custody of the children, and the cheaters name being besmirched forever more? Like a cheaters register similar to a bankruptcy register. They’re morally bankrupt so it’s pretty much the same.

Is the reason that there are no penalties for this serious breach of contract because it’s mainly men who are the perpetrators?

Jesus, back to the 1800s please @LockedDownLil.

Just chop their heads off instead.

🤣 Some people cheat because their partner is an utter arsehole in a completely different way. How do we punish them? Get the guillotine out?

@DeRigueurMortis

If this was law what do you think abusive spouses would do if their cheating was discovered?

It's an excellent recipe if you want to incite DV escalating to murder....

Chilling thought. It happens. Well known case of Christopher Watts and others. Utterly unforgivable.

HoneyBeeHappy

Exactly.

Relationships are complex.
I had an affair too- my ex was abusive, mentally and physically.
After several years of being beaten and ground down I ran into an ex boyfriend- we still had feelings for each other- and yes became intimate.
It wasn't a huge love affair but triggered me into gaining back enough courage to leave my husband and get a place on my own.
The fling fizzled out, and of course the whole episode was my fault in everyone's eyes, I was the one who had an affair and left.
But behind closed doors people didn't see the rape, the battered and bruised body I sometimes had.

I don't regret having my affair- it was springboard out of my abuse.

@speakout

HoneyBeeHappy

Exactly.

Relationships are complex.
I had an affair too- my ex was abusive, mentally and physically.
After several years of being beaten and ground down I ran into an ex boyfriend- we still had feelings for each other- and yes became intimate.
It wasn't a huge love affair but triggered me into gaining back enough courage to leave my husband and get a place on my own.
The fling fizzled out, and of course the whole episode was my fault in everyone's eyes, I was the one who had an affair and left.
But behind closed doors people didn't see the rape, the battered and bruised body I sometimes had.

I don't regret having my affair- it was springboard out of my abuse.

This .... I was also the one who had an affair & I'm the worst person in the world & he is a saint to everyone. Behind closed door he is a drunk coked up arsehole who beat me black & blue & tried to slit my throat in front of our disabled son x

Lol I'd not want full custody. I love my kids, but you're saddling me with 100% responsibility while he swans off to a new life and copious free time, not a chance 😂

As it happens, my stbxh has done exactly this by not having any contact, and it's a fools errand to think 'winning full custody' is an ultimate victory

@GypsyLee

There used to be a time that society stigmatised people who had affairs and it was worth using this as divorce reasons. The correspondent was named in local press and shamed. It's come common practice now and people get together with people who have had affairs, all the time. Such a shame it's become the norm, morals have completely gone.

Just a generation ago we also used to stigmatise “unmarried mothers” and “fallen women” and women who “lead men on” and “mistresses” and “women who “nagged and asked for a slap” and yes, people who had affairs (though the blame for those was and to a degree still is unfairly apportioned to women). Is it morals that have disappeared or the nature of shaming that’s changed? Or is it that men and women have more equal freedoms now?

I’m all for loyalty to one’s spouse but I’m not convinced that I’d want to return to old attitudes or that strict moral codes change morals.

@FrostedCranberries

People make mistakes. You're so wrong.

Of course!!

Now go and say to the thousands of women who have seen their life exploding because of a cheater.

Oh ffs.

What about women who have abusive cheating husbands and want a divorce but he won't admit to it and she's too scared. Then what?

Moral outrage is not a crime.

How many women set up to look like a cheat to benefit the man. Awful idea.

I don’t think that the OP has the right answer there.

But it is true that often, the cheater gets away with murder. There are few consequences to cheating. Men end up living their life with little added burden whilst women end up with the wrong end of the stick and all the struggles

@speakout

HoneyBeeHappy

Exactly.

Relationships are complex.
I had an affair too- my ex was abusive, mentally and physically.
After several years of being beaten and ground down I ran into an ex boyfriend- we still had feelings for each other- and yes became intimate.
It wasn't a huge love affair but triggered me into gaining back enough courage to leave my husband and get a place on my own.
The fling fizzled out, and of course the whole episode was my fault in everyone's eyes, I was the one who had an affair and left.
But behind closed doors people didn't see the rape, the battered and bruised body I sometimes had.

I don't regret having my affair- it was springboard out of my abuse.

I'm really glad you left.

oakleaffy

THank you.

This is utterly ridiculous and unhelpful, particularly where children are involved. To have that sort of vindictive and punitive approach would be unhelpful to ongoing joint parenting relationships. It also fails to appreciate that cheating happens for all sorts of different reasons and takes a multitude of different forms. It also isn't available for divorce of same sex couples, so there's that

Like a throwback to Victorian times. My G-grandmother was divorced by G-Grandfather for adultery in the 1870s and lost her home, her kids everything. She died age 36. No idea what the backstory was. Found the info in the National Archive. Fucking barbaric.

@speakout, a very close friend did the same in similar circumstances. I’m happy she did (that man kicked her so badly she lost a child:()

My dad was a shit husband, cheated on my mum a lot. That doesn’t mean I didn’t want him in my life. Children shouldn’t be used as a weapon to punish the cheater (thankfully my mum never did this)

In Some countries adultery is a criminal offence, in the U.K. you can get pre or post nuptial agreements that dictate terms in case of adultery, they are difficult although not impossible to enforce. Adultery is enough to allow the dissolution of the marriage of its own accord. I think that's plenty of legal protection. Cheaters aren't always evil, they are human and the law is a blunt tool

Great idea, OP

You should write to the current PM, I'm sure he'd put his (considerable) weight behind it

I have issues with being able to escape a contract which you promise to enter into as long as you both shall live. Effectively marriage isn't a real contract (they have break clauses and penalty clauses) because divorce happens so regularly. I certainly think if you are going to stand up in front of a room full of people ending a marriage contract or breaking a part of that contract should be reflected in legal consequences.

I think op is a goady plopper!

@Wherehavetheteletubbiesgone

I have issues with being able to escape a contract which you promise to enter into as long as you both shall live. Effectively marriage isn't a real contract (they have break clauses and penalty clauses) because divorce happens so regularly. I certainly think if you are going to stand up in front of a room full of people ending a marriage contract or breaking a part of that contract should be reflected in legal consequences.

So you think if you choose to end a relationship you should be penalised?

If you leave an alcoholic husband and forsake him in his sickness there should be some kind of punishment? What about if you fail to obey your husband when he demands you quit your job and stop seeing your friends? Do you have to pay a fine? Or maybe have your photo added to some kind of website of shame?

Jesus, this thread is going to a very creepy Handmaid's Tale place.