To think ADULTERY should be treated as FRAUD and punished accordingly?

[LockedDownLil]

By way of the cheated spouse being accorded a larger proportion of finances, automatic full custody of the children, and the cheaters name being besmirched forever more? Like a cheaters register similar to a bankruptcy register. They’re morally bankrupt so it’s pretty much the same.

Is the reason that there are no penalties for this serious breach of contract because it’s mainly men who are the perpetrators?

Presumably if a person is denied access to their children they are not liable for any financial responsibility.

Not full custody of children, but there should be a Monetary component to it. In the US a few states still have at-fault divorce. It is hard to prove, but if you can you get a greater share of the marital lot.

@Butchyrestingface

As a lawyer I have thought along these lines OP. A better analogy however is with breach of contract rather than fraud.

Didn't breach of contract used to be a thing with broken engagements?

Yes, years ago. And the divorce courts used to require fault to be claimed on one side or the other as well. We've moved away from both of those things for a reason. No one, least of all the children, benefit from hugely acrimonious lawyer heavy divorces.

My dad used to say ''If you want to know what your future wife will turn into Look at the Mother.

he had a theory women morph into their mothers, temperamentally, and sometimes looks wise.

If you get on and like her mum, chances are the marriage is off too a good start!

I wonder if the same goes for men turning into their dads...I think it might! DS said ''Dad is getting to be just like Grandad! ''😂

Automatically awarding full custody to the spouse that has been cheated on is also very dangerous and not necessarily in the best interests of the children, also the cheated on spouse may not want or be able to suddenly become a full time parent because not all cheaters are men

What would happen if it was the woman who cheated and the children aren’t her husbands.

If this was law what do you think abusive spouses would do if their cheating was discovered?

It's an excellent recipe if you want to incite DV escalating to murder....

Breach of contract is not the same as fraud

What an absolute croc of shit! Think you need to get out more!

@FrostedCranberries

People make mistakes. You're so wrong.

Cheating is not a mistake. It's perfectly possible not to cheat and I certainly think it should be punished in some way.

Oh god. Don’t be so ridiculous.

There used to be a time that society stigmatised people who had affairs and it was worth using this as divorce reasons. The correspondent was named in local press and shamed.
It's come common practice now and people get together with people who have had affairs, all the time.

Such a shame it's become the norm, morals have completely gone.

cheaters name being besmirched forever more

I love that one!

Ridiculous - the last 3 marriages I’ve known to break down are because the woman was cheating. Cheating with married men with families. That doesn’t fit your narrative though does it.

Utter bullshit for so many reasons
OP you have clearly never been through a divorce as an adult or child of a divorced parents and live in a fucking perfect simple world.....

Divorce hurts the Child/ren more than either parent.

Warring parents are money in the pockets of divorce lawyers.

If the parents have to manage fair custody, then being civil is much better for the children.

Kids are like mini litmus papers...they detect tiny nuances of stress between their parents, but a tight faced hostile ''Handover'' is so wretched for all concerned.

DS used to actually vomit with distress.The OW was not nice, DS said, and this too has to be factored in.

Divorce is painful, it is a grieving process, but why hurt the kids more than necessary, and line lawyer's pockets more than you need to?

Hopefully mediation is the way forwards nowadays?

I think often adultary is a symptom rather then a cause. (If the marriage was working perhaps they wouldn,t have the affair.) I know this is not awalys the case.

The law is reason free from passion.

Oh how ridiculous!

Wow, just wow

I thought the trend was towards no fault divorces?

Well here's a little scenario for you (a true one as it goes).

Man and his 2nd wife are awarded full custody of his child when the mother gets done for dealing. Man then cheats on wife some years later, child's mother is on a tag and deemed unfit by social services, where does the child go then? Mother? father? stepmother? or in care?

@speakout

cheaters name being besmirched forever more

I love that one!

Lol!

I saw the OW after she and Ex DH had got divorced { Chadenfreude} and had played it out so many times in my mind...

In reality it was DS who said ''Look! There's Doris'' {Not her real name}

I could have said something, but I just shook my head slowly and walked on by, holding her gaze til she looked away.

Never saw her again.

But would have loved to have painted ''Doris is a husband-stealing Slapper'' on the Avon Gorge Cliffs in 50 metre high letters at the time of the affair though.

I had an affair.

My DH was emotionally abusive. Spied on me constantly, isolated me from my friends, even moved us away from family and support. Did everything in his power to prevent me going back to work.

In the beginning belittled me in front of people, mentioned in front of friends what a wonderful shag his ex GF had been.

Decided six weeks after the birth of my first DC that we had to have sex because they would expect it to have happened at my six week check, so we’d be doing it when the baby had their nap. I didn’t want to but it wasn’t something which was seen as a choice.

In between times things were mostly good which is why I didn’t really see it until the bad started to outweigh the good.

We moved and I was cut off from everyone I knew. I ended up talking to someone online, was very much emotional in the beginning, but we met up once and yes,we slept together.

My DH found out and that gave me the strength to go through with leaving. I had tried before but we’d always talked things through, this time I had a reason, and he could put a reason on the divorce papers.

I don’t really care if my name is besmirched for ever. I know I did wrong, I blame myself for it often enough so what does it matter.

But it’s interesting how having an affair is seen as far worse than what often leads up to that affair, and that the affair alone should have meant I lose my children, regardless of the fact that I had remained a stay at home parent not least because my DH made it so difficult for me to go back to work.

I didn’t stay with the OM. In fact that ended even before we’d got to the point of divorce. My eXH on the other hand had a new woman within weeks who he insisted on introducing to the DC, got her pregnant within months and moved into his house. Interestingly she has cut him off from all of his friends because she wants to eliminate anything to do with his past. And the DC haven’t stayed there for years because they can’t stand her and because he has made it very clear where his priorities like. But hey they should have given him custody, right?

oakleaffy

But would have been your OHs name, not Doris- he was the one that made the contract with you.

It would be too hard, many people cheat for many reasons. Some with their partners approval.