To think ADULTERY should be treated as FRAUD and punished accordingly?

[LockedDownLil]

By way of the cheated spouse being accorded a larger proportion of finances, automatic full custody of the children, and the cheaters name being besmirched forever more? Like a cheaters register similar to a bankruptcy register. They’re morally bankrupt so it’s pretty much the same.

Is the reason that there are no penalties for this serious breach of contract because it’s mainly men who are the perpetrators?

Til death do us part....maybe go back to where we were in Ireland not so long ago when divorce was illegal or go a step further and give all the assets and children to the 'innocent' spouse. Why limit it to just adultery?

Erm no.
What about those in emotionally or physically abusive marriages who couldn't leave? Rarer I suppose but still an absolute possibly. No I don't think cheating is fine, but you don't know the reasons behind it at all. Your idea is beyond ludicrous.

As much as I despise cheating, it would be difficult to prove in many cases and you would need solid proof to inflict a sentence or punishment on someone.

Why stop at that- stone the fuckers!!

You are definitely being unreasonable

No.

I'm not condoning adultery but your idea is ridiculous for many reasons.

What if the person who committed it was the main childcare provider? Do you think the children should be penalised by a lesser share of the family wealth?

You also presume the person cheated on is in a position to be the main childcare provider. There may be many reasons why this isn't so.

Such a stance could make divorce far more difficult and stressful than it already is.

Finally in an ideal world people would try and address their marital issues before "resorting" to adultery or indeed leave the relationship, but there are (rare) cases when I've understood why that didn't happen and frankly felt sympathetic towards the person who cheated.

What about other breaches of the contract? - Withdrawal of access to sex without consent for example ( all those low libido spouses forced to lie back and think of England or face a severe fine?)

And if we’re focusing on the contract of marriage, surely we can take your argument to it’s logical end and anyone who promised “in sickness and in health” and is leaving a spouse who has since become ill or disabled should be financially penalised and put on a register? And since the idea of a sexual relationship is inherent within marriage, if you are divorcing because the marriage has become sexless, should the spouse who doesn’t want sex lose their assets?

@thecatsthecats

Blimey, if anything could put me off fidelity it would be automatic full custody. I'd have an affair just in case.

Brilliant stuff.

OP, affairs are never right but they are not all the same and consenting adults having sex really isn't any of the state's business. Assets on divorce are distributed according to contribution (monetary and domestic), earning power and other things that are more complex than "teh sex". They aren't to be used punitively.

I say this because I think there's a chance that this one is serious. Some people really think this.

I think if you have that much fear of being cheated on, don't get married.

I am not married but I would never want to feel that reliant on one relationship that I would feel completely derailed, emotionally, financially or practically if it ended.

Instead of trying to change the world around you, make sure you're resilient enough to cope with the unexpected OP

What if it’s not in the interests of the child for the cheated-on parent to have full custody? The welfare of children isn’t a stick to beat their parents with.

You’re right that marriage is a legal relationship, but it’s not a contract which imposes the penalties you’re describing. I suppose you could create that kind of contract with a prenup, but they aren’t always enforceable.

Are you actually serious? This is laughable in its level of ridiculousness.

No

That's just ridiculous and I say that as someone whose marriage ended due to his infidelity. Why shouldn't he see his child just because he cheated on me?

What about marriages where adultery cannot be committed?

Is this not basically what happens if a woman is raped in some parts of the world? It’s a natural conclusion. Get date raped at a party, rapist makes a video and posts it online, she loses her children and her home because her case never makes it to court but there’s video evidence of a sexual act with someone that isn’t her husband.

Firstly plenty of women cheat!! Who the hell do you think the men are cheating with!

Plenty of them are married women or at least women in long term relationships you only have to look at the relationship board to see numerous threads of I’m the other woman, I’m bored in my relationship, so I’m having an affair, I want an affair etc. Not as numerous as the hell he’s cheating no, but you don’t tend to need support if your the one cheating.

Secondly, bankruptcy only lasts one year then your free to earn and live just as if you’ve never been bankrupt. So yes you have the dishonour of being a former bankrupt but it doesn’t affect your finances or your earnings passed that year. You could almost argue there for it is comparable with the negativity around being a divorcee. Sorry this lack of knowledge of bankruptcy sort of annoys me, I see former bankcrupts being attacked for getting their lives back on track when they’ve done nothing wrong by doing so!

In fact there is is a similarity, both could have been a mistake, born out of mental ill health, or being in the wrong business or relationship. You should be allowed to move on from them.

Criminal fraud is and should be punishable with serve conquaences.

Depriving a child of its parent, nah why would you punish an innocent child

No, not really. Suppose you have an abusive, cocklodger of a husband who won't piss off out of your life no matter how much you beg him? Shagging someone else might be the only way to get rid of him.

the cheaters name being besmirched forever more?

Don’t be silly. The obligation to sport a scarlet ‘A’ on their chest should suffice.

Actually if this wasn’t comical due to its absurdity it would be creepy. The suggestion of weaponising children and using them as punishment is disturbing.

I can see why you think that. Also I feel there’s something non-consensual about sex whilst cheating. Like you may not consent if there was full disclosure. Risk of sti etc..

@VettiyaIruken

What DOES need to happen is a hard line taken on those who try to hide assets! And bloody jail time for deadbeats who dodge paying for food etc for their children by going "self employed" or just refusing.

That’s akin to fraud, in fact that is fraud

So therefore yep should be punished as such.

If the op has said that we’d probably agree.

If you wanted to make divorce more expensive and bitter than it already is, and life far far more unpleasant for children and both parents, then yep that’s the way to go.
🙄

I’m sorry you’ve been hurt, but come on. Much needs to improve, but not of it includes what you suggest.

I think cheating is just the result of a relationship that is over and done (in the mind of the cheater anyway), yes they may wish to continue the marriage (get away with it) for convenience but forcing someone to stay not stray because of legal or financial repercussions could have much worse consequences possibly even lethal ones. Automatically awarding full custody to the spouse that has been cheated on is also very dangerous and not necessarily in the best interests of the children, also the cheated on spouse may not want or be able to suddenly become a full time parent because not all cheaters are men.

Welcome to mumsnet.

@VettiyaIruken

You can't make the law emotional, you just can't.

You're a cheating sack of shit so I get the house.

Yes, cheating is a disgusting thing to do to someone but you can't start making asset decisions based on anger or individual morals.

If you've broken your vows then the marriage contract is worthless.