Money Matters

[Norealclue]

I would like to know what others think of something which has caused me some doubts about the right way to handle this situation.
I had come into some money and I was deciding what to do. Having been in some sticky situations myself over the years I thought I would share some of this money among my DC. 2 DC have accepted what I proposed for them. The other 2 DC have reacted very differently from their siblings.
1 DC when I started thinking about this told her DH all about what I had said. I paid out the money for the first part and then it came to the second part. I had said I would give a certain amount. Then her DH inserted himself into the conversation and tried to get more money. I am told that since he is married to my DC it is his business. My DC knew that I was unhappy with this but did nothing. I think that since the money is mine he has no right to discuss what I do with that money.
Another DC asked for more money than I had mentioned but that the extra was to be a loan which would be paid back in instalments. The instalments were paid for a while then stopped. This DC will not get another penny from me because that one has gone NC probably to evade repaying the loan. Lesson learned!
AIBU to expect to be able to discuss financial matters with my 1 DC without her DH butting in and wanting more.

That makes complete sense OP. Good luck

@nokidshere. Try thinking of this from the other angle. I chose to go about things the way I did because I was aware that there would be grabbyness and I thought this would be the way to ensure that my DC got the full amount without others dipping into the money. If my DC were not involved with drug takers or heavy drinkers or people without any manners or boundaries I would not have needed to think of ways to try to ensure my DC got as much benefit from the money as possible. It was not conditions more safeguarding.

I got that. But you can't, as you have found out, have conditions to attached to monetary gifts without causing problems. I think in your position I would have just put the money somewhere safe and helped in a smaller way as and when necessary, or for when they weren't at risk from their partners squandering it on drugs etc.

This isn’t lobster boy is it and you’ve name changed?

I started reading this and had a sense of Deja Vu.
I hope that several months down the track the OP and her younger children are settled in a nice new home and are free from the dramas of the older daughters.

It’s definitely unreasonable of you to expect your children to not discuss the financial gift with their significant others. Why the secrecy? It sounds a little controlling if I’m honest. I wouldn’t go giving the other three extra (up to the value of the loan) You need to accept that you may well not get that money back and if you do then it’s just a nice bonus.