To put a note through their door anonymously?

[studychick81]

We live in quite a built up area and have houses around the side and back of us so I am used to noise and know it's to be expected when you choose to live in a semi detached house. I am not one for making complaints about things.

However, the neighbours at the back of us have obviously just got a puppy during lockdown or Christmas and I am becoming increasingly frustrated with what I consider to be very inconsiderate behaviour. I wondered if others would think this is inconsiderate?

Whenever they let their dog in the garden it barks and barks with no attempt from them to correct it/call the dog inside. This is mildly irritating during the day but not too much of a problem. It's when they let it out about 10pm that I find it very inconsiderate. I ve been really tired recently and try to go to bed early to get extra sleep, I am just drifting off around 10pm only to be woken up by the dog barking. I then find it hard to drift back off and can't for some time so there goes my early night! The same in the morning, I am trying to have a nice lie in and the dog starts barking about 7.15 most mornings. I think 10pm is far too late to let your dog out and allow it to bark for a period of time, fortunately it doesn't wake the dcs but bet it does some other peoples. I just want to be able to have an early night sometimes without listening to that.

I am not good with confrontation so was thinking I would just post a polite letter through their door. I know it's tricky to stop a dog barking but they don't seem to make any effort, I don't think they go out with the dog and make no effort to call it back for try to calm it down.

I dont think a note will achieve anything. Maybe a discussion with them might work? Although some neighbours really do not care and if it's a pup it's going to bark

@SinkGirl

You don't get to make the rules, or have rights to sleep through from 9.30pm until 7.30am.

When did everyone become so selfish and inconsiderate? Would you say the same if she worked shifts or was unwell? I would hate to disturb anyone’s rest and limit noise after 9pm and before 8am as far as possible.

I mean.... Yes!

We had an extension built on our house. I have no idea if anyone near us was doing night shifts and if we polled the entire street the building work would never get done would it? Then, our next door neighbour also had an extension built and we put up with it because thats what comes of living close to others. This idea that you have to know exactly when your neighbours are napping or unwell is frankly ridiculous.

Do YOU poll the entire street if theyre unwell every time you mow the lawn? If you dont then youre being a grade A hypocrite.

The council set out "anti social hours" for a reason and thats because you cannot live in a populated area and expect zero noise ALL the time. If you choose to work night shifts then you have to expect to be sleeping during the day and that everyone else will be up then.
If you want total silence all the time, then move to a remote area with no neighbours. Plenty of people do this every year.

We have this too OP. Neighbours down the road let their dog out and leave them in the garden for at least 45 mins, but often longer. The house is on the main road and their garden fence runs along our road so if we try and go to bed at 10.30 we usually have to listen to the dog bark (and throw itself against the fence if someone passes) for quite some time. It is extremely annoying and all the neighbours on our road agree. We're not even the closest to the house! But unfortunately due to them having had some personal family tragedies, none of us have spoken to them regarding this. But we all get fucked off!

They must hear the dog but tune it out. Last night it was gone 11.30 when it stopped. We'd gone to bed at 10 due to being knackered. Yup didn't get to sleep until nearer midnight.

I do think a small amount of barking is fine but not for more than a few mins and not after 10pm. I bet people saying yabu have dogs like this!

Unfortunately an anonymous note just doesn't cut it though. This really has to be a face to face conversation.

Is the dog barking to be let back in or barking because they are leaving it out in the garden alone?
We have 2 dogs, one being a puppy we got during lockdown, they both go out into the garden first thing in the morning and last thing at night, but I stand at the back door with it open so they don't need to bark to be let in. There have been occasions when they do bark, a few times fireworks were let off when they were in the garden and a couple of occasions when foxes were being really noisy.

Letting a barking dog outside between 9pm - 8am is massively antisocial. No reason why they shouldn't just bring it back inside.

Don't put a note through the door, just bite the bullet and knock on the door. If you must write a note, put your name and your door number on the note so they can talk to you if they wish.

Lots of different opinions being stated as fact here, regarding what's a reasonable time. Thereby proving that everybody's facts are different.

The authorities usually say 11pm-7am is not ok for excessive noise, so OP's neighbours are not breaking any regulations. They may be kind and considerate if she approaches it well, though. ie, in a kind and considerate way.

No reason why they shouldn't just bring it back inside

How do you know what's behind their reasoning?

Those are not unreasonable times

YANBU to be irritated but YWBU to post an anonymous note. Either knock and have a conversation (you mention DH - take him if you are genuinely concerned for your safety) or sign it and give your number so that they can respond.

Very few people welcome confrontation but learning to assert yourself positively is part of being an adult.

I wouldn’t do a note. Just go knock.

At a previous residence we had several notes (with escalating content) about our barking dog. We didn’t have a dog. We ended up being contacted by the council about our barking AND unregistered dog. We didn’t have a dog.

The people on the other side of us did have a dog that barked constantly but in the end when that was figured out we refused to say that we as direct neighbours were affected just to spite whoever it was that sent the notes and complained about ‘our’ dog initially.

Round here if you let a dog bark a lot
At least one neighbour will shout out the window
‘Shut that dog up!’

Go and talk to them. If they've got a ring doorbell they'll know its you anyway..

@HoppingPavlova

I wouldn’t do a note. Just go knock.

At a previous residence we had several notes (with escalating content) about our barking dog. We didn’t have a dog. We ended up being contacted by the council about our barking AND unregistered dog. We didn’t have a dog.

The people on the other side of us did have a dog that barked constantly but in the end when that was figured out we refused to say that we as direct neighbours were affected just to spite whoever it was that sent the notes and complained about ‘our’ dog initially.

Exactly- and this is why anonymous notes are pathetic and achieve nothing. There is no room for any discourse or to explain or correct any mistakes.

One of my friends received an anonymous note about noise that wasnt her, and couldn't have been her because she was out all day at work during the times it was alleged to have been happening. But because the note was from an anonymous coward she was unable to correct them. She then ended up feeling that one of her neighbours hated her and it wasnt even her- it was horrible and really upsetting.

People shouldn't have to buy ear plugs to not be disturbed in their own property. It's so inconsiderate. I'd feel so guilty about being responsible for lots of noise in my neighbourhood.

Blimey, this seems like a hill that a lot of people here are happy to die on, which is bizarre when all I said was that you should do what you can to mitigate disturbances to other people, not that you cannot make any bloody noise ever. I find it odd that the idea that one should try not to disturb or upset neighbours unnecessarily is so offensive to some posters.

We had an extension built on our house. I have no idea if anyone near us was doing night shifts and if we polled the entire street the building work would never get done would it? Then, our next door neighbour also had an extension built and we put up with it because thats what comes of living close to others. This idea that you have to know exactly when your neighbours are napping or unwell is frankly ridiculous.

I didn’t say that, did I? But I know my immediate neighbour works shifts and so if I were having noisy work done I would definitely talk to her first and see if there was anything I could do to minimise the impact on her. It wouldn’t necessarily be possible but I would try.

Do YOU poll the entire street if theyre unwell every time you mow the lawn? If you dont then youre being a grade A hypocrite.

No, I’m really not. If I’m mowing the lawn I try to do so at a time that won’t disturb other people too much. Unlike the old neighbour I used to have who would be up at 7am using a leaf blower every weekend (he was retired and could have done it at another time, but clearly didn’t care, which I would never do)
The council set out "anti social hours" for a reason and thats because you cannot live in a populated area and expect zero noise ALL the time. If you choose to work night shifts then you have to expect to be sleeping during the day and that everyone else will be up then.

If you want total silence all the time, then move to a remote area with no neighbours. Plenty of people do this every year.

Most people don’t have this option - they live where they can afford to live and from where they can access work, schools etc.

The point is that it is inconsiderate to not think about the fact that the noise from your home might disturb other people and not try to do something about it where possible. It’s not acceptable to shut your dog outside alone while they bark incessantly at a time when others are sleeping. If you’re taking whatever steps you can to minimise it, that’s an entirely different matter. Very few people have the option of making no noise ever, there are certainly times where my children make noise and there’s little I can to do stop it. But I can say move them out of the room which adjoins another child’s bedroom or bring them in from the garden if they’re being very loud. I find it massively weird that this is a controversial view. Yes, in built up areas you must expect noise, but there is a difference between making as much noise as you like whenever you like and trying to keep it down as best you can.

No, I’m really not. If I’m mowing the lawn I try to do so at a time that won’t disturb other people too much

LOL how on earth can you possibly know that the time you choose in convenient for everyone?- it might be awful for someone, or that people around you arent unwell? THAT is my point. Its unrealistic to think you can check with everyone first which is exactly why anti social hours exist.

We mustn't forget that this puppy has only just been acquired and is hardly used to its new surroundings and owners yet.

Just buy some earplugs

Goodness me, what sort of place do you live? I couldn't live somewhere in which people row in the street or are afraid to speak to their neighbours.
Many people don't have a choice. It only takes one or two aggressive piss head families to cause problems for the whole street.

I've been on my street for 14 years and ninety percent of my neighbours are lovely and considerate but a couple are, to be frank, arseholes. There's certainly some I wouldn't be knocking on doors to complain to their face. Council once advised me I knock on a blokes door to speak about his dog attacking other people's digs cos he lets it out to roam. The man had just left prison for rape FFS, and was proud of it, I'm not fucking knocking on his door and asking for a chat. Same man when pissed would stand outside the houses of people he thinks "grassed" and ask the men to come out and fight.

It's all very well you saying you couldn't live somewhere like that, but not everyone has the same choices and can't just sell up and move when an anti social family or two move in.

there is no such thing as a polite anonymous note

This. It's a rude and childish thing to do.

If I had a note like that through my door I most certainly would try to solve the problem and would mortified.

So you want them to feel mortified?

I don't think YABU. Our neighbours on both sides have dogs and we hardly ever hear them. On the odd occasion where they bark a little in the garden, I can hear our neighbour telling them to be quiet.

Your neighbour's constant barking is a training problem, and it may be that they don't realise that it's possible to control or that it's disturbing you.

I don't know these neighbours and they could be unreasonable and be abusive to me....If they know where we live they could be threatening and I am not risking it as we have young dcs. Not everyone responds to complaints reasonably.

It's possible the neighbours might be a family of gruffalos and eat you.

You are asking them for a favour. If you ask reasonably then they will almost certainly address it because they probably don't realise how badly the sound carries.

A neighbour spoke to us about our dog and we, of course, did everything we could. It probably wasn't actually ours but we are doubly careful now. If I'd received a note I'd have ignored it.

If they are knob heads then a note won't convince them but good manners win over most people.

We had someone (I never figured out which house) who used to let their dog out to bark at 20 past midnight every night.

When I had a dog, I used to take her out on the lead for the last wee at 11pm. No barking occurred. I think if I'd just shoved her out into the garden she would have barked.

When you say barks constantly how long are we talking ? My neighbours dog barks when she is let out , mine generally doesnt unless other dog is out or something is potentially in garden , if still a puppy its also still learning
Although I would tell mine to be quiet if he barks but they need to wee

If they only got at xmas its only been a week or two so a quiet word
But be prepared to be asked to quieten down your kids in the summer as they may work nights and need there sleep