To put a note through their door anonymously?

[studychick81]

We live in quite a built up area and have houses around the side and back of us so I am used to noise and know it's to be expected when you choose to live in a semi detached house. I am not one for making complaints about things.

However, the neighbours at the back of us have obviously just got a puppy during lockdown or Christmas and I am becoming increasingly frustrated with what I consider to be very inconsiderate behaviour. I wondered if others would think this is inconsiderate?

Whenever they let their dog in the garden it barks and barks with no attempt from them to correct it/call the dog inside. This is mildly irritating during the day but not too much of a problem. It's when they let it out about 10pm that I find it very inconsiderate. I ve been really tired recently and try to go to bed early to get extra sleep, I am just drifting off around 10pm only to be woken up by the dog barking. I then find it hard to drift back off and can't for some time so there goes my early night! The same in the morning, I am trying to have a nice lie in and the dog starts barking about 7.15 most mornings. I think 10pm is far too late to let your dog out and allow it to bark for a period of time, fortunately it doesn't wake the dcs but bet it does some other peoples. I just want to be able to have an early night sometimes without listening to that.

I am not good with confrontation so was thinking I would just post a polite letter through their door. I know it's tricky to stop a dog barking but they don't seem to make any effort, I don't think they go out with the dog and make no effort to call it back for try to calm it down.

I used to let my dog out at those times but if he barked (which was very rare) I'd bring him in straight away. If I knew he was going to bark I'd either take him out for a short walk to do his business or stand in the garden next to him. They're being really inconsiderate so YANBU.

I don't think a note is a great idea though. Can you just knock and say that it's waking your dc up and you're struggling to get them back to sleep. They'll probably be more understanding of it's affecting the dc and not you.

Goodness me, what sort of place do you live? I couldn't live somewhere in which people row in the street or are afraid to speak to their neighbours.

If you don't know these neighbours, how do you know that no effort is going in to training the puppy? You could start speaking to them, politely, and get to know them a bit. Then try to point them in the direction of anti-bark techniques which you can find on the internet.

No notes, please, anonymous (which is dreadful beyond words), or otherwise. Either be friendly and upfront or not at all. Can your husband start to get to know them?

From your op, the neighbours have only just acquired the puppy. It's a nuisance but hardly a long term one so far. Be a bit kind and remember, most people don't go to bed at 10pm.

It really depends on how long he is barking for , if it’s barking for a minute or two at those times it may be disturbing to you but it’s not actually unreasonable , if it’s being left to bark for 10+ minutes then I would say it drifts over into unreasonable . My dog goes for his last wee at about 10 and he invariably barks once or twice so about 10/15 seconds , it may well wake someone who is a light sleeper up but I don’t think it’s unreasonable noise as I get him in straight away .

Sorry forgot to add about the note , YABVU , anonymous notes are dreadful , if you’ve got an issue then knock on the door and tell them otherwise they could be suspecting it’s any one of a number of neighbours .

Shout "SHUT THE FUCK UP" out the window, repeatedly, until the barking ceases.

You're welcome.

I would just sign the letter and tell them if they would like to discuss it further, to contact you within a specific time frame. Having an anonymous letter seems a little threatening to me and it would definitely get my back up. Just be polite and non-judgemental, stating you understand training a puppy is difficult and time consuming, and you wouldn’t normally have a problem, but the late night/early morning barking is really disturbing you and you would really appreciate it if they could do something to help keep the noise down.

Then keep a log of excess noise complaints and when you sent the letter. If you get no response and the issue continues, then you might have to contact the council and you will be prepared with evidence.

The problem with the anonymous note is that there is no resolve. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I did nothing in repsonse to the one we got because my dog wasn't actually making any noise. They had got the wrong house.

You have no idea what measures they are taking to train the puppy because you've not spoken to them. They might be working hard, they might not be. But an anonymous note isn't going to change their habits or give you surety.

The neighbour that treated me to an anonymous note still lives there (next door but one) and I have disliked them for years. If they had come to speak to me, we could have identified very early on that it wasn't my dog (appreciate yours is a different scenario, but there still might be mitigating circumstances or they might not realise) and we could have moved forward. As it was, they made my life really challenging for a number of months because I didn't know which of my neighbours had a problem with me, and therefore ended up treating them all with suspicion.

It was only by chance that my next door neighbour caught them sticking the note through my door on their security camera that we ever found out who it was.

That settled me (even if I still feel a bit of red mist whenever I see them) but the point remains. Don't put an anonymous note through the door. It's cowardly, serves no purpose and could cause issues for the recipient

An anonymous note is a seriously cowardly thing to do.

Yeah that will work missrks

Wish there was a rolling eyes smiley one

People are so bloody weird sometimes - of course you’re not being unreasonable.

We live in a terrace and a reasonable amount of noise is expected and fine. However everyone around us does their best to limit the noise because that’s considerate.

My twins are autistic and not good sleepers. If they are crying loudly in the night (or even at 10pm or 7am) I’m not going to just leave them to it. I’m going to do whatever I can to minimise it.

Dogs bark, but especially if you chuck them outside on their own, so they shouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t shut my kids outside on their own to let them scream. If they’re making too much noise outside in the day, I bring them back inside.

It’s like fireworks - fine if it’s bonfire night (although no need to be setting them off very late at night when it’s dark from 5pm) and fireworks at midnight on NYE is fine, it’s only one night a year. But people who set them off for a week either side are inconsiderate shits. And inconsiderate shits are likely to not be very receptive to being asked to change things. If they were reasonable people it wouldn’t be happening in the first place. I wouldn’t want to confront someone who’s doing this either.

If my neighbours sent me a note complaining about my twins noise I would be mortified and make further efforts to improve things. I regularly ask my neighbours to let me know if they are being disturbed but I don’t let them scream anyway without trying to do as much as I can to minimise effects on others.

Anonymous notes stink and are only used by cowardly childish people. Either live with it, put a note through the door with your name and contact details on it or go and talk to them constructively.

Someone once sent me an anonymous note. It was about something fairly innocuous - but it was at work and made me feel both embarrassed and slightly paranoid! Face to face better.

I have dogs and wouldn't mind at all. I occasionally used to let mine out at 10pm ish for evening wee, not thinking/aware of the barking, Neighbours commented and I now take them out on leads so straight back in if there's any barking.

You don't get to make the rules, or have rights to sleep through from 9.30pm until 7.30am.

When did everyone become so selfish and inconsiderate? Would you say the same if she worked shifts or was unwell? I would hate to disturb anyone’s rest and limit noise after 9pm and before 8am as far as possible.

@SinkGirl

But you've set out situations there explaining where your boundaries are between what's reasonable and what isn't. Not everybody will agree with you (for example, the millions of people who do set of fireworks in the lead up to Bonfire night), and the issue OP is having is that her boundaries are in a different place from hers. They think they're being acceptable, she doesn't.

Having different boundaries doesn't make people 'bloody weird'. Nobody could argue that they're letting the dog out 'in the middle of the night', so, boundaries are bound to be a bit varied. Some people will agree with OP, some won't. Do you think your way of thinking is the 'right' way? And that everyone should think just like you?

issue OP is having is that her boundaries are in a different place from theirs

D'oh.

People who are selfish enough to think 10pm is an acceptable time for a dog to be barking outside are never going to appreciate a note. Or a chat. Or basically ANYONE telling them their puppy is anything apart from THE most adorable one anyone has ever seen.

You are wasting your time OP

Anonymous notes are only ever written by craven cowards, albeit their tone so often gives the impression the writer thinks they've just done something very clever. They haven't. From a perspective of pure self-interest, they're the ones who have a desired end result and this is hardly the way to go about getting people's willing cooperation. I despise the type of person who would do this, and would certainly never act upon any request made through this medium.

The adult thing to do if you have any sort of issue is raise it directly, openly and in a respectful manner.

See I did used to let my dog out and didn't consider the barking as 10pm to me wasn't late. After a neighbour with young children contacted me I changed my attitude. So not everyone will respond badly.

@BloggersBlog

People who are selfish enough to think 10pm is an acceptable time for a dog to be barking outside are never going to appreciate a note. Or a chat. Or basically ANYONE telling them their puppy is anything apart from THE most adorable one anyone has ever seen.

You are wasting your time OP

That's just a meaningless generalisation. You can't categorise people like this. There's every chance that if OP explains to them, they'll say 'We could put him out at 9pm instead, maybe?'

I don't think that's on, they need to know that it's disturbing you. My dog barks at cats and squirrels and hedgehogs if she can - during the day she gets brought straight in if she does and at night or early morning I always take her out into the garden on the lead so she knows it's a nature call rather than a jolly!

[quote Eckhart]@SinkGirl

But you've set out situations there explaining where your boundaries are between what's reasonable and what isn't. Not everybody will agree with you (for example, the millions of people who do set of fireworks in the lead up to Bonfire night), and the issue OP is having is that her boundaries are in a different place from hers. They think they're being acceptable, she doesn't.

Having different boundaries doesn't make people 'bloody weird'. Nobody could argue that they're letting the dog out 'in the middle of the night', so, boundaries are bound to be a bit varied. Some people will agree with OP, some won't. Do you think your way of thinking is the 'right' way? And that everyone should think just like you?[/quote]
Wow. I think basic decency towards your neighbours involves doing everything possible to mitigate disturbances to your neighbours, day and night. People are welcome to have different boundaries, but yes I think that two straight weeks of constant bloody fireworks is unnecessary and rude and doesn’t consider neighbours who are working shifts, have young or disabled children, have health issues or pets who get distressed. Doing it on bonfire night or the closest weekend is one thing - spreading it out over weeks is bloody rude.

If the owners are letting the dog out alone so it’s barking to get back in, they are being inconsiderate and are unlikely to be the kind of people who care they are pissing others off, just like those who blast very loud music late at night or early in the morning, or in the garden knowing neighbours are working from home during lockdown.

Whatever your “boundaries” are, doing these things is not considerate.

I recently started playing piano and got a digital one so I could play quietly or wear headphones so I can play at any time. It’s just decent to be considerate of those around you who don’t want to hear it.

If they were making efforts to reduce the barking by being out there and trying to call the dog, that would be different.

@SinkGirl

You don't get to make the rules, or have rights to sleep through from 9.30pm until 7.30am.

When did everyone become so selfish and inconsiderate? Would you say the same if she worked shifts or was unwell? I would hate to disturb anyone’s rest and limit noise after 9pm and before 8am as far as possible.

Everyone hasn't become selfish and inconsiderate. But if I worked shifts, I wouldn't expect to be able to give my shift rota to everybody in my neighbourhood, and be pissed off if if they didn't grant me silence when I needed it. If I was ill, I wouldn't expect neighbours to silence their kids/dogs for me.

That's because I'm not selfish or inconsiderate.

Most councils have times set when it's not ok to make repeated and prolonged noise disturbances. It's usually 11pm-7am. OP's neighbours may have looked at these, and are ensuring that they are not making noise during 'no noise' hours.

OP could be considered selfish and inconsiderate by expecting people to live on her schedule.

Is the dog barking for the sake of it while running round the garden or barking to come in?

Either way they need to stop it. Yes it’s cold, but a responsible owner would wrap up and go out and train the dog until it stops. I let my dog out at 6am and 10pm. She doesn’t bark. But I also stand (in the house) by the back door until she comes in so she doesn’t feel the need to bark at the back door. It’s called having consideration for your neighbours!

I didn’t say they should silence kids or dogs. I said they should make an effort to minimise disturbances - shutting a dog who barks loudly outside alone isn’t making an effort to do that.