Right. Poll. Would you be offended if you DH/P said this to you....

[Covidy]

Imagine you go downstairs for the night dressed in a short nightie. Not Ann Summers lace and crotchless type thing but something like this.

And your DH/P looks at you up and down and says....'don't you think you should get dressed, you're going to get cold'...The first time you say, no i'm fine thanks i'm not cold. 30 mins later he says 'I really think you should get changed, it's quite chilly'.

So are you offended that he's effectively asking you to cover up? Or is he being lovely and caring?

Depends if you wear it because
You want sex
You like wearing it

It might be cold outside but surely it’s not cold inside most peoples houses? Do people on mumsnet not have central heating

Given your apparent inability to communicate with each other about sex, he may have thought he was giving you the opportunity to say 'why don't you warm me up then'. Maybe he thinks you turned him down?

@Yeahnahmum

He either really doesnt like the nighty. Or doesnt like your body... 😣

Bollocks! Why would you say he doesn't like her body? Ffs he probably just wasn't in the mood. Why would you say that to someone clearly feeling a bit crap?

It's a bit nineties valentine's Day... Not sure I'd go and lounge around in that, especially in this weather. I got into my brushed cotton button ups last night to relax by the fire, still had sex with my husband.
Isn't that kind of slightly cringey suggestive behaviour more for when you're in a very new is this or isn't this a relationship? There are usually leads of non verbal little communications established couples have, for us it can be a perfectly chaste kiss that lingers a little longer earlier in the day, a certain look, or touch, or just a blatant right I'm off to bed early nothing on TV are you coming? If DH came down in just his boxers and started hinting that it was supposed to make me want sex, I'd probably crack up to be honest (especially if he kept his slippers on).

"Yeahnahmum

He either really doesnt like the nighty. Or doesnt like your body... 😣"

That's so harsh, not to mention ridiculous!! There are many, varied and sometimes complex reasons why a person has low sex drive or just isn't in the mood on a given day.

Way to kick someone when they're down!

Some bitchy shit on here. OP take no notice. Jealous
as fuck and no balls. Talk to him. I think you did a a sweet thing. It's nice and cute and totally normal to want to turn your dp on and have fun.

I'd assume he didn't fancy a shag and was feeling a bit pressurised tbh. Just have a conversation about it like adults.

Meh don’t make double meaner hints like women do. They tend to say what they mean and this is where issues start. Women hint at things and think a man will pick up on it rather than be straight and try to read extra meaning into simple things men say...exhausting!

I'd laugh at him and wonder how I managed to bag such a gobshite, and tell him to try again.

@BashfulClam

Meh don’t make double meaner hints like women do. They tend to say what they mean and this is where issues start. Women hint at things and think a man will pick up on it rather than be straight and try to read extra meaning into simple things men say...exhausting!

Yeahmen always say women don't initiate sex but often it's just not picked up by them.

I think it's a cute little outfit.

I don’t think he missed the memo.
It’s just really cringe when someone is this obvious but trying to make the other person do the work.
My DP used to do this with his boxers. He walk around in them because he thought they made him look sexually attractive. Actually they slightly repulse me as they are brightly designed and look really try hard on a late 50 year old. He’s much better naked and bit more “honest” even with a belly and saggy bollocks.

@Yeahnahmum

He either really doesnt like the nighty. Or doesnt like your body... 😣

People are allowed to not to want sex without accusations of "not liking other's body". Especially when it's actually not even fully initiated.

He wasn’t in the mood. End of.

I've got a nightie similar but darker red and no lace. I wear it for comfort and my partner definitely doesn't see it as a come-on.

I get why you aren't keen to initiate though, as you explained that he knocks you back and doesn't want sex frequently. I know how horrible that feels, and how everything feels like rejection

I didn't really answer the question. Yes, I get why you'd be offended in these circumstances.

It’s just really cringe when someone is this obvious but trying to make the other person do the work.

This in spades.

I'm in my late forties and it's taken me this long to work out that men like it when women take the lead a bit...and that doesn't mean floating around in lingerie trying to tempt him into burning hot desire which he MUST act on.

Just initiate...if he rejects you that's not personal...he just doesn';t feel like sex!

Did you actually kiss him and try to initiate sex or did you just stand there looking cold?

I like this kind of nightie, If your home is warm enough to saunter about, this is fine.. I don't see this as a proper sexy nightie, I have three similar ones in a satin material, and I am not a youngie, and I live alone.

I'm gay, but I'd be upset. I'd want my partner to pick me up and tell me how lovely I looked in it! I realise I'm not a good example being 'exempt' from straight dynamics.

...the mismatch in sex drives is old news. I refuse to explicitly ask for sex anymore and leave it to him to initiate when he’s in the mood.

The nightie incident is a big problem.

If sex is something you want more frequently and your H knows that - and I think you all but announced it with a trumpet fanfare in that nightie - then he is doing something quite nasty to you. He is making you do something that you feel humiliating if you want a basic human need met by your own life partner.

Have you ever brought the 'mismatched sex drives' out into the light of day for a conversation in the presence of a counselor?

I think it's high time if not.

If you've already been there and done that and he thinks running a bath and cooking dinner should be adequate alternatives to sex, then you maybe should think about whether his withholding of sex is a deal breaker.

Did you in laws pass comment?

Math I think your comments are very sensible...but I HATE the term "Withholding of sex"

It makes it sound deliberate. When those who have a low sex drive are not withholding...they're just not forcing themselves to have sex when they don't want it.

Which is their right.

Withholding of sex from a partner is a thing that some narcissistic or very self absorbed people do. They are often having a very jolly sex life of their own elsewhere, or indulging in porn. It's a form of emotional and psychological abuse and it is sometimes done on purpose.

I think I would've staged a strip tease or asked for a massage (or offered to give one) or worn my sexy lingerie under a (fake?) fur coat. Something along those lines, anyway. I would have tried for seduction rather than just have shown up and expected him to be instantly turned on by the mere sight of me! lol