DS’s school to teach abstinence education

[Childsschool128]

DS goes to a normal state school but they have sent home a letter saying that their sex ed they will be teaching from next term will include:
-the benefits of having one lifelong monogamous partnership
-the risks of contraceptives
-the dangers of unprotected sex
-the benefits of not having sex in teenage years
-the health risks of sexual promiscuity.
DS is 15 (year 10) and there has never been any indication they were anything other than mainstream in the past. Is this really what is taught in UK schools nowadays DS is my eldest so I have never had to deal with anything like this before.

@covidaintacrime

Abstinence is a valid choice. I had sex too young (in very bad circumstances) and I kind of "took time off" for a while to heal.

There needs to be information on sexual health, protection, consent and choice and that should include abstinence as an option.

Absolutely. Far too many people focus on being cool parents, without considering some young people don't actually want to have sex, and feel pressured for not wanting something is supposedly so normal their parents are happy to encourage it.

Young people need to be supported to have more confidence in making smart choices that work for them - whether that's safe sex, or no sex at all. I see nothing wrong with trying to normalise abstinence, as long as it's not presented as the only option.

No evidence that this Pshe course has anything to do with religion. I’m a Pshe lead in a mainstream school and everything op has mentioned is taught alongside lots of other things.

@Childsschool128

What’s negative about it? It’s all about risk and danger and not doing stuff!!! It could barely be more negative if it tried!

I teach sex Ed to secondary pupils.

I can assure you this will be an unmitigated disaster.

The sex Ed that works:

• non judgmental open discussions about anything and everything
• opportunities to talk on a one to one basis too
• laying bare the facts about contraception, STDs, the effects of porn, teenage pregnancy etc, but doing it again in a non judgmental way
• talking candidly about relationships, particularly around consent when you begin a sexual relationship. This can be done without shaming or scaremongering

As their teacher I have to be realistic too. These are teenagers in the 21st century. They have likely all watched a form of porn, most of them will have had some experience of sexual relations, a lot of them will be confused and hardly any of them will understand what a healthy sexual relationship looks like. I cannot go in there and tell them to find one person and stick to them, and I wouldn't compromise my professional integrity that way anyway.

It is so so easy to scare teenagers off being open with you about sex. One wrong sentence and they close like a book. Write to the head and insist they scrap this approach

I think it’s an excellent approach . The number of parents on here who allow their 15/16 year olds to have their bf and gf for ‘sleepovers’ never seems to amaze me . The biggest downfall to a child’s chances are whether or not they’re born in poverty . Surely encouraging children to wait is always a good thing ?

Being taught monogamy and one partner for life etc was detrimental to me. I repeatedly felt I'd fucked up and kept clinging on to negative relationships.

Couldn't even tell my family my marriage had broken down, for weeks.

More schools should teach this imo. We some standards back in society.

@PreyingMantlepiece I went to a Catholic secondary school, I remember the PSHE teacher writing names of the board with arrows, like a Venn diagram that essentially said
Susie sleeps with Chad
Chad sleeps with Rosie
Therefore Susie and Rosie have slept together.
And they'll all get STD's.

Awful approach and totally unaffected as more than one girl in that class was pregnant before she turned 16.

My eldest DD was taught at the age of 11 how to self harm safely!! She came home from school asking what self harming was, we are in Scotland so might be different.

@ElizaLaLa

More schools should teach this imo. We some standards back in society.

How is teaching realistic approaches to sexual relationships (let's face it how many of you lot abstain from sex or have just had one partner) setting a high standard?

Are you sure they're not just wanting to put the emphasis back onto monogamous steady relationships rather than lifelong monogamous relationships? Instead of the emphasis on "as much casual sex as you want is perfectly fine as long as you're safe". I think the latter has been a bad message for many women to be honest. I'm glad the government wants to bring back raising the possibility amongst teens that it is perfectly fine to say no, and often it is much BETTER to stay abstinent in your teen years.

I think you need more info from the school before going in guns blazing. From what you've put, it sounds reasonable to me.

-the benefits of having one lifelong monogamous partnership
There are benefits (although not many), but they should outline too that it's fine to have multiple partners. This one is the iffy one to me.

-the risks of contraceptives
There are risks. They aren't 100% effective. Only abstinence is to be fair. If they go at it from that angle its fine.

-the dangers of unprotected sex
Fine. There are risks and they should know them. Again assuming this is about stds etc and avoiding pregnancy.

-the benefits of not having sex in teenage years
Again fine. It can produce a baby so they should be aware of how that can affect their lives.

-the health risks of sexual promiscuity.
Fine to an extent. You're more at risk of catching an std the more people you sleep with obviously, even with protection it could still happen. But that doesn't mean it's bad to sleep with more than one person. That again could be an iffy subject. You'd need more info on what they will say.

@Childsschool128

My question more is is it legal for schools to base their sex education on abstinence?

I’ve read all your posts and I can’t see where the word ‘abstinence education’ features anywhere in this curriculum. Is this your own interpretation of what you think this approach is?

@GlummyMcGlummerson - but is there anything on that original list that you would NOT cover - they are all valid topics too?

I would question it if they were the ONLY thing being covered, but they are also very valid issues that need to be looked at. I have also taught sex ed for many years - there is very little that would shock me these days! However, I do also have to consider all of the students, the ones who have not watched porn, have not had sex by the age of 15 - and they do exist - and often I think there are more of them out there than most people think. It;'s ok to reassure them that their path is ok too.

Sex ed is a very broad topic, and we do have to often be led by where the discussions in class take us. And I do wish parents would step up to the plate and have these discussions with their teenagers too. But I honestly don't see anything wrong in the list that school has sent - provided that it is not the whole list. No where can I see that the school has said they are saying that abstinence is the only option. In fact abstinence is not even mentioned.

@FrostedCranberries

Is that not a good thing? Make abstinence cool. Kids were bullied for being virgins at 16 in my day (late 2000's).

Exactly. I lied and pretended to have done the deed at 16 In reality I was 20! A great shame I felt the need to lie.. I fessed up to friends later.. and they had lied too🙃

Kids don’t need to be pressured into it.

Some of that sounds useful, but it's not the schools' place to lecture on 'the benefits of having one lifelong monogamous partnership' imho. That way of living doesn't suit everybody, and people who have unconventional love lives have enough prejudice to deal with imho.

Hit return too quick! Some of the sex ed stuff is questionable but our sex ed teacher is an absolute fuckwit so might be only our school!

@ElizaLaLa

More schools should teach this imo. We some standards back in society.

Define which standards you think we need please?

I think it should be more widely known that something like only 10% of women climax from one night stands, compared to 60% of men. Should you still go ahead with it? Sure, but know that the gender stakes are skewed and you’re likely to end up with a chump who doesn’t give a fig about your sexual pleasure.

Glummy; am I reading this right: opportunities to talk on a one to one basis
What safeguarding protocols are in place when you are expected to discuss the aspects of SRE outlined above with pupils on a 1:1 basis?
How does this not put you in a very vulnerable position (unless you are a school nurse teaching SRE)? I'm not being facetious, I am genuinely concerned for you.

@singsingbluesilver of course (apart from the danger of contraception, I do discuss different types of contraception). But I don't go in and say "this is the stance to take - abstinence is the way forward folks, you heard it here first".

I'd lead a discussion on abstinence, what do you think it is, the positives, negatives etc. The general feeling in all my Year groups is that abstinence is undesirable and unachievable. No one ever admits to not wanting to have sex (yes I know they're not likely to). They know it's fine if they feel that way though, and I do discuss a-sexuality, but I don't do a "one approach" method of teaching. It's utterly pointless. I'm not there to my I've my opinion or that of the school.

It maybe different for me as I teach in an independent boarding school with a lot of international pupils who have very different views and cultural teachings about sex than we do in the U.K. so I always think it's best to stick to facts and have open non-partisan (if you will) discussions.

Glummy: I hope you put an emphasis on acknowledging the peer pressure around losing your virginity at that age too. Facts and "consent" as such are all very well, but sex ed never seems to give any indication that if you're too young you may have regrets afterwards even though at the time you were happy to do it.

Glummy - are you saying you DON'T teach the dangers of contraception? that the pill is not suitable for all people and has health risks for some women, or that condoms can break, or that you can still get an STI of you don't use a barrier method?

No, I have never taught fpor the point of view that abstinence is the only right way - and nothing in the list from the OP has posted suggests to me that this school does either, Abstinence is not even mentioned.

@AdultHumanFemale

Glummy; am I reading this right: opportunities to talk on a one to one basis What safeguarding protocols are in place when you are expected to discuss the aspects of SRE outlined above with pupils on a 1:1 basis? How does this not put you in a very vulnerable position (unless you are a school nurse teaching SRE)? I'm not being facetious, I am genuinely concerned for you.

It's for those who don't want to ask questions in front of their peers. For example, about the right contraception or the pill or "am I ready".

I treat it like I would any other discussion with a pupil - if a safeguarding issue comes up I write it down afterwards and tell my DSL. It's only happened twice in a 1-2-1 discussion about sex education though for me personally and I'm Please it did as one disclosure was about sexual abuse

@CurlyhairedAssassin yes I do. I haven't gone into the full details of the module because it would take too long to type

@singsingbluesilver yes of course about condom breaking and finding the right contraception to use - to me "dangers of contraception" smack of religious contexts...but maybe I'm reading the OP wrong