DS’s school to teach abstinence education

[Childsschool128]

DS goes to a normal state school but they have sent home a letter saying that their sex ed they will be teaching from next term will include:
-the benefits of having one lifelong monogamous partnership
-the risks of contraceptives
-the dangers of unprotected sex
-the benefits of not having sex in teenage years
-the health risks of sexual promiscuity.
DS is 15 (year 10) and there has never been any indication they were anything other than mainstream in the past. Is this really what is taught in UK schools nowadays DS is my eldest so I have never had to deal with anything like this before.

Have you read the government’s new statutory PSHE curriculum? Pages 27-29 of the document summarise what the school is required to teach. It includes the benefits of committed relationships, that all aspects of health can be affected by the sex&relationship choices they make, how to resist sexual peer pressure and the choice to delay sex. They should not be pushing abstinence as the only option, and they need to be teaching the benefits (as well as the risks) of contraception. And they should also be teaching all pregnancy options (abortion, adoption, keeping the baby) factually.

Tbh, I’m not sure what is wrong with teaching teenagers that abstinence and monogamy are perfectly valid choices.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/908013/Relationships_Education__Relationships_and_Sex_Education__RSE__and_Health_Education.pdf

It depends. Is this the entire sex ed curriculum, or just parts?

Frankly with the porn inspired sex styles teenagers are being pushed to these days, I'd rather they felt empowered to abstain unless they are freely consenting.

Well there are health risks to sexual promiscuity, but only if its conducted in an unsafe way, ie without contraceptives, regular sti checks and a partner you trust to keep your safety paramount.

As far as one life long monogamous relationship goes, I think that's an absurd thing to teach teenagers. How many of their parents will have divorced and been happier for it? How many will experience the message as even more pressure to fully commit (ie sexually) to the relationship they are in currently? Its totally unrealistic, and sets them.up to fail which is not what education is for.

Is it a catholic or c of e mainstream secondary?

@Hankunamatata

Is it a catholic or c of e mainstream secondary?

Mainstream

They said that this will be the main themes but parents are welcome to supliment at home

Is there a copy of their full policy on their website?

@ineedaholidaynow

Is there a copy of their full policy on their website?

Even though this is a name change im not comfortable linking to it as it would be outing

I am most concerned here about the risks of contraceptives here. That's neither an accurate nor a healthy message.

Provided it is done properly it is both accurate and healthy. Nobody should be making contraceptive choices without understanding the pros and cons of each. Eg, the pill protects against pregnancy but not STIs and can have side effects.

I went to a convent and our sex education was a lot more realistic and up to date than this!
In a perfect world teenagers would abstain and be with one person forever, but it's unlikely. Would be far more responsible to teach safe sex and consent!

I’m not asking you to post it on here but to check it yourself @Childsschool128

Does it tie in with Brexit and going back to the good ol’ days?

I would not have a problem with any of that - and it is great that the school are keeping you informed.

For pp who question the topic - risks of contraception - I would assume that this is to inform students that no contraceptive is 100% risk free. Some are more effective than others, some also protect against STIs etc. FYI - you might be surprised that a number of teenagers (especially boys) regard anal sex as a contraceptive.

Are these their words or yours? I'm a pastoral lead in charge of PSHCE and I can see how that list could be very sensible stuff in context.

• abstinence, absolutely should be taught because most teens don't realise it's an option and feel pressured into sex. It should be presented as one - but that isn't the same as teaching they must be abstinent.
• life partners, healthy relationships, with talks about how the ideal sometimes doesn't work out. Fine.
• risks of contraceptives could mean 'they aren't actually 100%' (again, most teens think they are) or pros and cons to different types eg pill won't protect against STIs and some girls won't get on with it. That is really important stuff.

Also remember it is in fact not legal to have sex until they are 16 so the school of course can't exactly be recommending teenage sexual relationships younger than sixth form!

My question more is is it legal for schools to base their sex education on abstinence?

“Get the girl to go on the pill, job done” is a common attitude.

Well...its not exactly abstinence if they're not saying sex is only for when married. Is their underlying message teaching virginity until marriage and all other sex is immorality? Or is it that sex has potentially life changing consequences and so should be taken seriously all? If the latter then honestly I don't see too much wrong with that list, from an educational point of view. Depends on whether there's a moral/judgement issue there or not i guess.

I think teaching that abstinence by choice as an option is a very good idea. As pp said though, it depends on what else is being covered.

Doesn’t sound like they’re basing it on abstinence, you’ve already said it’s included as part of a wider scheme,

@singsingbluesilver the anal sex as a contraceptive is horrific. The boys all expect the girls to it and then they think they don't have to wear a condom.
My sixth form girls at school tell me that's just the expected norm these days. I blame porn.

@Lucidas

Pressure on teen girls to put out can be immense, with every manipulative trick in the book being used by boys. I’ve gone through it myself: ‘boring’, ‘frigid’ and whatnot. With the ability to say ‘yes’ to sex (as long as you use protection), should also come the confidence to comfortably say no to whatever you want.

Teaching children about the dangers of contraceptives and pushing an abstinence agenda is not the way to empower girls ffs.

Have you cherrypicked the bits you don't like?

The risks of contraceptives? Wtf?

Well, take the contraceptive pill. It can make you depressed, cause psychosis in some people, or otherwise cause upset or pain. Some girls will be pushed into taking it by “progressive” parents when maybe with some guidance she would rather choose not to poison her body and instead abstain from sex which is a totally valid option as well.

Teaching children about the dangers of contraceptives and pushing an abstinence agenda is not the way to empower girls ffs.

I agree about “pushing” of any particular stance. But are you seriously arguing that teenagers shouldn’t be taught about potential risks of contraceptives?! It’s absolutely vital that they get taught that the pill doesn’t protect against STIs and (like all medication) can have side effects.

@katmarie

Well there are health risks to sexual promiscuity, but only if its conducted in an unsafe way, ie without contraceptives, regular sti checks and a partner you trust to keep your safety paramount. As far as one life long monogamous relationship goes, I think that's an absurd thing to teach teenagers. How many of their parents will have divorced and been happier for it? How many will experience the message as even more pressure to fully commit (ie sexually) to the relationship they are in currently? Its totally unrealistic, and sets them.up to fail which is not what education is for.

I expect this sort of idea is what they want to avoid. Using contraceptives, neither guarantees that a woman will not get pregnant, nor that an STI won't be passed on.

The fact is that the more sexual partners people have, the greater the risk of STIs, and that's at a population level - I hope we are all in a position to understand now how group behaviour norms affect communicable diseases.

Problems like antibiotic resistant chlamydia are now real dangers for kids, and they can be spread through any number of sexual activities. Not to mention things like herpes which are just incurable and aren't really prevented by condoms reliably.