DS’s school to teach abstinence education

[Childsschool128]

DS goes to a normal state school but they have sent home a letter saying that their sex ed they will be teaching from next term will include:
-the benefits of having one lifelong monogamous partnership
-the risks of contraceptives
-the dangers of unprotected sex
-the benefits of not having sex in teenage years
-the health risks of sexual promiscuity.
DS is 15 (year 10) and there has never been any indication they were anything other than mainstream in the past. Is this really what is taught in UK schools nowadays DS is my eldest so I have never had to deal with anything like this before.

I think it is important to teach that not all contraceptives work all of the time. I think that many teenagers don't consider the result of a condom that does not work or the fact that the pill will give them no protection against STIs.

I would far rather they think of a belt and braces approach of pill plus condom. I think that teaching sex education should allow both boys and girls think about the choices they can make - and that the choice to say no to sex, or to wait to have sex are also available to them. I think that it is great that the school are showing you what they intend to teach - and now is the time to make your opinions known if you think there is anything they have left out.

Wow, how refreshing OP! Wish this was commonplace

I'd be happy for this to be part of the syllabus.

schrodingersunicorn that is horrible. I tried it once with long term partner (now DH) and ended up with a really nasty kidney infection & didn't enjoy it at all. It's not been mentioned since about 1994!

OP I think the content is really just encouraging them to stick with one stable relationship. I don't see what is wrong with that.

There's enough pressure on young girls to be like porn stars & up for anything. I'm worried about DS when he's older expecting this from girls.

PHSE is about keeping safe, making wise decision, recognising what a healthy/unhealthy relationship is, peer pressure, having a voice among other things in primary. This is just the next working on what they have already covered and what is age appropriate. Abstinence is about being mature enough to say no if that is your wish. Knowing there is a choice. There is no rush to lose ones virginity or even have a partner.

I'd get your son to stick his hand up and ask if the person teaching this has had one life long monogamous relationship lol. Ridiculous and bizarre. Is the head very religious?

I would have a massive problem with this. I don't believe that one lifelong monogamous relationship is the only setting in which sex is permissible, in fact, I would have hated to have had to had long boring preambles with unsuitable partners just to get some sex age 16 plus. Totally weird. No-one I know has actually done this either, so it's entirely unrealistic!

Contraception is a massive freedom for women and that's what I teach my girls. It has risks when choosing between types, but compared with unwanted pregnancy, or having a abortion, less risky, again it's a weird way to present something which the majority of both men and women use and which is beneficial to society as a whole in terms of a lower birthrate (unless this is a secret right wing plot to push the birthrate up).

Sexual promiscuity can be risky to your health if you don't protect it carefully, but if you use condoms and are sensible, it can be a lot of fun, very enjoyable and far better than settling down with Dave from two doors down for life just to get some sex action.

Saying teenagers shouldn't have sex- fine to explain why the age of consent is as it is, not reasonable or sensible to make this stigmatizing to teens who do have sex because you want them to seek advice, help and use contraception which means being open honest and transparent (they didn't say they would stigmatize it but it's all very sniffy). Plus why shouldn't 18 or 19 year old teens have sex?

I wouldn't be happy with this sex ed but I don't rely on the school to do that work for me anyway, I want my teens to be sex literate and sex savvy and this makes them more, not less likely to put off having sex til it's sensible and they are mature enough.

@TechnoDino

Bloody hell, that is most definitely what is taught in our school! The risks of contraceptives? Wtf? I would be asking for a copy of the material used and checking it carefully for its source, hopefully not based on American purity teaching?

Surely the risks of contraception mean that they aren't 100% in protecting against sti's and pregnancy, that's how I would interpret that one

@Childsschool128

DS goes to a normal state school but they have sent home a letter saying that their sex ed they will be teaching from next term will include: -the benefits of having one lifelong monogamous partnership -the risks of contraceptives -the dangers of unprotected sex -the benefits of not having sex in teenage years -the health risks of sexual promiscuity. DS is 15 (year 10) and there has never been any indication they were anything other than mainstream in the past. Is this really what is taught in UK schools nowadays DS is my eldest so I have never had to deal with anything like this before.

Does the letter actually use the term abstinence anywhere in it?

I don't see anything wrong with the above, TBH. Anyone having sex should know of the risks of having sex (including what contraceptives do and don't prevent, and the failure rate, especially if not used correctly).

I would like more of a focus on consent though, and about not letting others judge you for your own informed choices. There are benefits to having fewer sexual partners (it's a statistics game), but as long as you really consent to what you're doing (as opposed to say yes under duress), you understand the risks (even pills + condom isn't a 100% effective solution) and you take measures to protect yourself and your partners accordingly (including testing), that's OK.

It sounds like the PSHE curriculum.
By year 10 your son will have already covered many areas of sex Ed in his biology lessons: puberty, reproductive systems, menstrual cycles, fertilisation and implantation, contraceptives - including the pros and cons in KS3. Its likely that he will also be taught about hormonal contraception and STDs as part of a communicable diseases unit for GCSE. This is just another angle that he is being exposed too. Its scary how many year 7s ask why only men grow public hair around their genitals because they must have seen inappropriate media - what students think is the norm and a healthy norm at that is often completely wrong. If you are unhappy with what the school are teaching feel free to supplement it at home.

I think it's an excellent idea to include it in the list of possible sexual behaviours.

Pregnancy isn't a bundle of laughs for teenagers. Neither are hormonal contraceptives or the MAP. STDs aren't much fun for them either. Being pressurised into anal sex is an awful idea (I have had and enjoyed anal sex as part of a LTR, but I'd hate to think of any of my DDs feeling that they "have to do it". Ditto oral sex).

This doesn't mean that teenagers won't or shouldn't have sex, but it does at least reinforce the idea that not having sex is a valid choice.

Are you in the Western Isles? I read on BBC News that the council had decided they didn't want to teach the 'standard' sex education curriculum and chose a Catholic one instead.

(Although at my Catholic school we at least got told where to go for contraception advice and at DHs they had the 'condom on a banana' lesson)

The one monogamous relationship is a bit . I would question that.

I was 14 when I lost my virginity and when I look back the circumstances make me very uncomfortable. I wish I had had some education on the emotional side of things. I think realistically I would have been more ‘ready’ for sex at 17/18.

My DP had children very young and like me wasn’t really up on the consequences and wishes someone had talked to him about it.

I used to be of the opinion if you don’t let kids have sex at your home as that’s what I was like but they’ll do it somewhere else etc but actually if someone had properly talked to me about the emotional side I think it would have been different.

In my limited experience, they are 'announcing' abstinence being discussed as it seems to be ignored otherwise. I think it's so important to give a full picture of sex to teens because their views seem to be very much based on porn and gossip. So abstinence ie you can say no, that is a valid choice, is something to be discussed and shown to be normal. It appears to be alongside other discussions which is where it should be I believe.

The risks of contraceptives should definitely be discussed. As pp have said, there's a lot of j formation out there that adults don't know/understand. Last week there was a whole thread on the MAP and it was rife with misunderstanding and assumptions - with life changing consequences.

You haven't said if this is the whole list I don't think, but I wonder if it's the changes they've made so they have been highlighted rather than the whole policy.

@Tal45 - yes because teaching sex ed is soooo easy! All this list does is show the variety of different options that are open to people. It does not appear to push one particular agenda over another. It would be lovely if the parents of all teens were able to/ happy to discuss this with their own children - but they are not. Why on earth do you think it is ok for a teenager to ask such a personal question of a teacher?

Contraceptives do have risks though. Not just of still getting pregnant either. Not all contraception is suitable for everyone. The more young men that know the reality of prevention of pregnancy the better. Too many just think the woman will go on the pill and if she gets pregnant it's her fault.

Dd1 went to a Catholic school and this is what they taught. She left as soon as she could, I don't know why we thought it would be any different tbh but we were naive.

Better than how to put a sanitary towel on that’s all we got at school and that was the 80s

Surely the risks of contraception mean that they aren't 100% in protecting against sti's and pregnancy, that's how I would interpret that one

It's also the case that there are intrinsic risks to some, or even most. Hormonal contraception means drugs that affect a major body system, and there are often side effects and some real risks.

IUDs have mechanical risks, perforated uterus is not as unheard of as one might like.

Even condoms and foam can have contact effects and they are the least reliable at preventing pregnancy.

Surely the risks of contraception mean that they aren't 100% in protecting against sti's and pregnancy, that's how I would interpret that one

There are risks with the coil and the pill!

Is it a religious school?

A change of head can completely change the tone of a school.

I'd want a lot more information. The "risk" of contraceptives for example - does that mean they'll be explaining that none are 100% and that the pill doesn't prevent against STI's - or is that a direct link to the monogamous comment and therefore they shouldn't be used at all?

Presumably the risks of contraceptives are:

1. they don't always work
2. they don't necessarily protect you from STIs etc etc. The only 100% sure method to avoid pregnancy is to abstain from heterosexual sexual intercourse. So that is a scientific fact, not a religious nutcase's agenda.

I would be extremely surprised if they are ONLY teaching about risks. What else is on the syllabus?

That is awful. "Abstinence" is not realistic, and just plain does not work. Much better to teach confidence around consent so young people can choose what they want to do, having sex or not having sex is fine as long as you are safe and everyone consents fully. I would be declining for my children to attend that nonsense and look to teach them properly, sadly the kind of families that only want this type of "education" won't teach at home.

@TestingTestingWonTooFree

Does it tie in with Brexit and going back to the good ol’ days?

This comment is stupefying in its stupidity. FFS the whole curriculum hasn't been rewritten with Brexit in mind . I'll bet that you think leave voters are thick! Jesus how bizarre to link Brexit with sex education in schools.

1. Is it a religious school?
2. Is it an outside party providing the 'education'? If so, who?

DD1's sex ed classes were 'provided for free by a local Youth Worker'. Yes. A local Youth Worker from the local Evangelical Church. Ever seen a diagram of the female body with the clitoris literally erased from existence? That's what they had - taken from a textbook, photocopied, then a piece of white A4 trimmed to cover the area, then photocopied again so there was a blank area above the urethra and then the part where the clitoris had been labelled covered as well.

It's always important to know who is teaching your children.