DS’s school to teach abstinence education

[Childsschool128]

DS goes to a normal state school but they have sent home a letter saying that their sex ed they will be teaching from next term will include:
-the benefits of having one lifelong monogamous partnership
-the risks of contraceptives
-the dangers of unprotected sex
-the benefits of not having sex in teenage years
-the health risks of sexual promiscuity.
DS is 15 (year 10) and there has never been any indication they were anything other than mainstream in the past. Is this really what is taught in UK schools nowadays DS is my eldest so I have never had to deal with anything like this before.

Just seems so negative and out of touch!

It is a bit shocking that anal sex without a condom is considered as normal, given the additional risks of contracting HIV through this route brings with it.

Other than teaching them that one sexual relationship is what they should aim for then isnt the rest all good?

Girls in particular should be taught about the dangers if contraception so they can be aware of side effects to look for and also make the correct choice for themselves. All the rest seems sensible, as long as they are teaching safe sex in the proper way alongside all the warnings etc.

@Xenia

Sounds like a good idea. I graduated aged 20 i law a teetotal virgin with law prizes. Paid off for me big time!

It should certainly be one option presented to teenagers.

Is it pathologically impossible for you not to brag?

I think the sensible thing to do here is to ask if the is is ALL that will be taught, or is this part of a list of topics that will be taught?

I honestly do not see anything on that list that is a problem - all perfectly sensible parts of sex ed that should be covered. If the school is saying that the ONLY option is no sex before marriage, no contraception, life long monogamy - then this is an issue. the fact that they are giving you info on the content of the course would suggest otherwise. they also, quite rightly, suggest that parents should also provide additional support for their children.

Teaching sex ed is not the easiest of jobs. I am shocked (but not surprised) at pp who suggest that it is ok for students to questions their teachers about their own sex lives. I think the school has tried to do the right thing here by keeping you informed and suggesting that parents should also have an input.

I worked in sexual health for a while (now in women's health) and I wish more teenagers had access to this sort of education.

the benefits of having one lifelong monogamous partnership
This isn't the same as saying 'everyone must have one lifelong monogamous relationship even if they're desperately unhappy' ffs. Obviously divorce, open relationships etc are the right thing for some people. But there are benefits - for many people - to having fewer (even just one!) committed sexual partner. As this thread illustrates, it's almost taboo these days to say that, so I think it's definitely worth putting back on the table as a valid, healthy option.

the risks of contraceptives
Absolutely!! There was a thread on here a couple months ago about women's experiences of hormonal contraceptives and the effects on their mental health, with some really heartbreaking stories. Equally, many women aren't told how long it can take for your fertility to return after coming off contraception.

the dangers of unprotected sex
the benefits of not having sex in teenage years
the health risks of sexual promiscuity
Nothing controversial about these I don't think.

I don't actually see anything in here that's "teaching abstinence education", OP. The closest is I suppose acknowledging that there can be benefits to monogamy - I don't think I could get my knickers in a twist about that.

Good idea. Something has to change in this free for all. It's not good for anybody.

If it's a mainstream school they'll be following the national curriculum. Supplement at home if you're not happy. Do you kick off about what they're teaching in geography too or just trust them to do it right? Abstinence will be about abstaining until you are ready and not feeling pressured. Benefits of a lifelong, monogamous relationship are discussed with an absolute understanding that many people do not achieve or even want that, but are a concession to those parents who think sex ed will make their child promiscuous.

Have they provided the actual package they use?

Sex education should fully cover contraception, pregnancy, consent, relationships etc. For some people abstinence and only having sex within a secure monogamous relationship is the right thing, presenting that as a healthy option is not problematic.

What the f? Looks like they’ll have some knocked up teenagers...

Well it’s obviously not just about abstinence is it ? Because other wise they would not be talking about contraception as well ?!

I can’t quite understand what you are worried about ?

Surely to give girls the knowledge to say no if they want to is a good thing ?

Abstinence as a basis for sex education has been shown to send teenage pregnancies rocketing up.

@Childsschool128 is it a free school? They don't have to follow the national curriculum, and I'd be very worried in that case - to the point of contacting a local journalist, or someone from the education or politics desks at one of the national papers if I couldn't get reassurance from the head.

@HappyDays10101

What is negative about it ?

Sounds remarkably sensible.
Contraception can only be used with fully informed consent if the perusing it (adult or child) is made aware of the risks and alternatives.
It is not a reasonable to say pregnancy carries higher risk therefore contraception is fine. Education should give full information on which to base decisions.
Children having sex under sixteen shouldn’t be normalised.
The risks of promiscuity and precocious pregnancy should be taught.

Seems fine to me.

@Xenia your ability to brag and shoehorn your achievements into any conceivable thread is admirable. Honestly incredible reach here.

@DimidDavilby, I think I might be a little bit in love with you 😍

It sounds like a good thing to me. Kids need to know that you do not have to have sex, there's nothing wrong in waiting until you really feel for someone.

It's a basic and as they get older they will adjust according to their own life experiences and relationships (as most of us did), but is fine as a start off, especially when you read of eleven and twelve year olds having sex, even becoming pregnant, just because nobody has told them not to.

It seems like a gentle sort of teaching. They aren't saying sex before marriage is 'sinful', just advising caution, at the same time explaining how to avoid unwanted pregnancy or disease.

It will be very good for all and - particularly boys who learn so much from porn and expect such action from girlfriends who in turn think the way porn actors perform is what is expected.

My hope is decent, proper sex ed such as described in the op, hopefully with caring parental back up, will result in more respect.

Please nobody think I am unaware that many youngsters are already respectful and kind to each other but there are some who are not, they know no better.

@Xenia

“Sounds like a good idea. I graduated aged 20 i law a teetotal virgin with law prizes. Paid off for me big time!”

You got prizes for being a teetotal virgin? Seems unusual.

They absolutely should be teaching about abstinence. It wasn't an option when I was at school. Yes, they should cover all other aspects, which I'm sure that they will, bit they need to chuck abstinence and monogamy in the mix. I waited until I was 19 and it felt right with the right person. Many of my friends had really awful experiences at a younger age whereby they felt obligated to lose their virginity (usually to some drunk grotty big mouthed boy who they didn't even like, for fear of appearing frigid, only to them be labelled a slag and bitterly regret it).

I would be very concerned about this as it looks like a very clear Evangelical Christian agenda. I’m both a parent and a teacher and this is not acceptable. I would get in touch with the school and challenge this. Dangers of contraception? Fucking hell.

Good to know that businesses are being sacrificed,so schools can teach kids what their parents should have taught them, well before 15.

@Viviennemary

Good idea. Something has to change in this free for all. It's not good for anybody.

Yeah but you also think same section marriage is wrong so hopefully their not implementing your views in schools.

Why are businesses being sacrificed?

Abstinence is a valid choice. I had sex too young (in very bad circumstances) and I kind of "took time off" for a while to heal.

There needs to be information on sexual health, protection, consent and choice and that should include abstinence as an option.

I have reflected upon this again - lets look at the list - would I have wanted my DS to have learnt about these things in school?

-the benefits of having one lifelong monogamous partnership. No - don't have a problem with this. I really would be thrilled if my son found someone he could settle down with and that they both stayed faithful to each other. I know the heartbreak that affairs can cause so I have no issue with this being promoted as a good goal in life.

-the risks of contraceptives - well there are are risks. they don't all work all of the time. Some are not safe to use for some people. Some offer no STI protection, so yes, yes I would want him to know that.

-the dangers of unprotected sex - not an issue at all. I don't like the idea of him coming home and telling me he has an STI or has got someone pregnant with a baby neither of them had planned for.

-the benefits of not having sex in teenage years - again, no problem with this. Don't think I would have liked the trauma of dealing with this on top of exam stresses and other teenaged angst.

-the health risks of sexual promiscuity. No right minded person could object to this?!

Nope - not one single thing on that list I would not have objected to. I don't think it is pushing any political or religious agenda. It does not appear to say that monogamy is the ONLY option, or that contraception is always wrong. What is seems to be doing is allowing for young people to make informed choices. As I said previously, I would ask for more detail about the content - are they looking at the benefits of different types of contraception, or other types of relationships?

I'm seeing lots of people saying abstinence should be taught as an option and I'm all for that. Thing is, religious perspective education is really unlikely to teach girls anything like empowerment - more like doing it's a sin but also men have needs and so if you're alone with them you know what'll happen... Girls think they asked for it and can't say no...

STIs and pregnancies abound