To let her fail her GCSEs

[Newpuppymummy]

My 15 year old (y11) is doing basically no revision. She’s laying about doing whatever she wants despite all my best efforts to motivate and help her.

I have offered to sit with her, help make a written plan is, help test her r on things and she’s just not interested and resists everything.

Part of me feels like I want this more than her. I don’t know whether my best option is just to leave her to it and learn the lesson that you have to put work into things to get good results. This goes against my normal parenting strategies but I am at a loss with her.

Does she have exams in january?

Leave her to it,

Yes mocks in the second week which of course if they cancel GCSEs will help form her results

Oh god-I feel like this with ds too. He has mocks online next week and is just so idle it hurts. I was such a self-motivated student and revised on my own. I dont get it. However, I have decided to let him get on with it, or not. When he fails his mocks I am hoping that will put a rocket under him.

Would you have wanted that at her age? Would it have helped you?

Because I don't think that level of micromanaging would have improved my GCSE results (It may have impacted negatively on my relationship with my mother)

Support her, ask her if there is anything she wants you to do to help, ensure she has an environment where she can study but aside from asking her how she's doing and reminding her occasionally absolutely let her find her own way

Perhaps remind her that last year teachers had to assess grades based on evidence gathered before Easter so she may need to be prepared demonstrate her ability before the exam season. It is hard for them to stay motivated while things are so uncertain and with less supervised revision though.

It must be so hard for her, and all this year group.
They have missed lots of face to face school, know that next term will be disrupted again, and are probably hoping that the exams will be cancelled like last years were.

This makes it difficult for her to focus on something that doesn't seem real to her.

Perhaps school will re-enthuse her when she starts back in Jan, and she will be ready by june? It's still a long way off.

I'd back off for a few weeks if I were you, then take the lead from school, they will probably offer advice to write revision timetable etc.

Is it anxiety? I was like that - avoiding through anxiety - but at the end of the day, fear of failure was worse than the fear of facing up to the problem so I did the work. Exams are so stressful.

Leave her to it.
You cannot physically make her.
If she fails she will just have to do a level 1 or 2 course next year.
I would highlight to her teachers, sometimes another adult having a word helps.

I’d leave her to it. Perhaps reducing screen usage might help though.

It’s so easy for them to waste time online. You can’t MAKE someone revise.

Step back OP.

I would just back off.
Are school concerned about her?

Does she think the exams will get cancelled again and generous marks handed out? I think there is a lot of chat going on about this scenario amongst year 11s

I wouldn’t leave her to it again all. She is a child, you don’t let her do other things that would jeopardise her future do you? Education is the same. It is important and she doesn’t understand that now as she hasn’t experienced life. You have, you need to help her in every way you can.

DS had some mocks before Christmas.
I mentioned revision and was ignored, so just let him be. I thought the same as you, let him fail... It will give him a kick up the bum. Got a Teams call from his form and Maths teachers before they broke up as he admitted doing zero revision. Unfortunately he hasn't failed anything BUT they are not happy with his work ethic and despite doing alright in his mocks, he's not at his target grades in most things ...

My plan failed and it has therfore been a tougher battle to make him see he needs to revise. I wish you the best of luck.
Teenagers 😡 they think they know everything.

Sometimes kids this age are like Buckaroo- the more pressure you put on them to do anything- study/tidy their room the less likely they are to do it.
I am suggesting switching strategy- often they want to feel in control, grown up.
Perhaps thinking long term about goals and possible career, then giving space for her to work out a strategy of how to get there- rather than micro manage every step.

Ultimately it is her life choice though.

Thanks you are all saying what Is my gut feeling.

I’d leave her... but I’d also turn off the internet and refuse to give her any money / lifts / bill phone bills.

You can only offer so much help. Keep making yourself available to help but back off otherwise. Let her know its her choice to do well and if she doesn't then she won't be able to get the job she wants/go to college/uni.

Unfortunately, it is only after they fail that they tend to care about this and regret their decision.

She's spent the last year like us- going through a massive trauma. Her lack of interest in studying for exams that are unnecessarily stressful is understandable. If she doesn't pass them, she can go to college next year and do them in a much better setting in a better situation. Don't pressure her, don't push her and don't add more stress to her life for something that has an easy plan B. It is not the end of the world if she doesn't pass.

It's hard but you have to just let her get on with it. My parents nagged and nagged at me to revise and I spent ages looking at my books but the real problem was that I didn't know how to revise effectively and there was no help back ine day, you were just expected to get on with it.

Have you asked if she knows how to revise? Maybe she's floundering.

@BellsaRinging

Oh god-I feel like this with ds too. He has mocks online next week and is just so idle it hurts. I was such a self-motivated student and revised on my own. I dont get it. However, I have decided to let him get on with it, or not. When he fails his mocks I am hoping that will put a rocket under him.

You probably weren't trying to study during an unprecedented global pandemic.

I'm really not surprised that the kids are feeling unmotivated given the state of education and the world.

Hell I'm an adult who's studying a MA that I really wanted to do and I'm struggling.

I was idle as all hell, barely revised. Still got straight As. She may not need to revise constantly, talk to her teachers about her attainment and see what they think.

Such a hard choice. Back in the day my parents left me to it and I screwed up my (ahem) O'Levels, relatively speaking. But I was so horrified and embarassed by my results that it did teach me to get my arse in gear for A'Levels and beyond. They did push my brother and sister more, and they have better GCSEs but no real long term difference. Increasingly I think 16+ exams aren't, and shouldn't be, the be all and end all.