Aibu to have a third?!

[Whynothaveathird]

I have two beautiful healthy dc, a boy and a girl.

Ever since my youngest was born, I’ve had more comments than I can count along the lines of ‘you’re done now, you’ve completed the set, one of each’ etc etc.

I’ve always wanted three/four children. Now we have two, I’m 100% not ‘done’ yet but don’t think I could do a fourth.

Everyone I’ve mildly corrected about my plans for a third has either been shocked, bemused, or genuinely curious that I would feel the need to have more. We are financially, emotionally, physically fine etc. And yes I know I’m lucky - not a day goes by that I don’t think how lucky I am to have the children I do - but why on Earth would that make me feel I need to stop?

Am I really bu to have a third?

Ps I’m totally having a third, just want to sense check quite how mad the hive thinks I am 😂

This was your post

Agree, I can’t get my head round it to be honest! Who looks at the state of the world atm and thinks it’s a good idea?

Why would you not do think this for 1 or 2. The state of the world hasn't changed. And if you didn't think about this for 1 or 2 & they are already here as you say then why would you think about it all of a sudden for no 3?

@DollyParton2

Well the poll clearly indicates most think it’s fine/ you should go for it while so many people commenting feel the need to lecture. I fully expect anyone having a go about having 3 kids NEVER gets on a plane. Doesn’t own a car or drives electric. Grows their own vegetables / lives off their own land. Only buys second hand clothes If not, then be quiet and stop moaning.

But this is the point- just existing I have a footprint. I don't pretend to not. Why can I only make the point if I grow my own vegetables?

We all have a responsibility to the planet. The truth is just inconvenient and people don't want to face up to it, yet it's your children that will have to. Covid is bad, climate change is going to be far far worse.

People can be so rude
if having a third feels right for you you go for it
ignore the nasty comments
you go girrl

It's very usual where I live to have three children. I do think it varies greatly on area.

Answer to thread title: yes yabu.

[quote Whynothaveathird]@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross honestly? That’s not a factor in my decisions. It’s just not.
The most environmentally friendly families I know are all four children plus. I honestly don’t think outside of mumsnet, people consider the environment that much in their family planing 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
They can't be- how do they know what each of the 4 children will do in the future? There is no way having 4 children can be done by anyone who claims to be environmentally friendly. It is as much about the future as now.

We have 3. One teenager one almost teenager and a baby. However I think the big age gap has made it easier for me as obviously the other two are more independent.
I always wanted 3 and went through a very rough time to get there but so glad I did. He's such a funny little boy and his sisters adore him and always want cuddles with him.

Obviously nothing wrong with having a 3rd, no more than having a 2nd. Its personal. We felt very done after our 2nd. Our friends had 2 then went for a 3rd - 3rd ended up being twins! They are wonderful but it cemented our decision.

I never wanted a third. I would hate to make DD a middle child, I don't want to have to get a bigger car to fit three seats in, I like that we first into family memberships/tickets. Wouldn't want to be outnumbered 100% of the time.

3 children is, to me, the definition of a big family. 5+ is gigantic.

@Greenbks

YANBU, it is a personal choice that you and your partner decide on. You don’t push your opinions on others for example if they say they are done at two you wouldn’t say really? How could you be done that’s not a real family etc so not sure why others feel this it is appropriate to say you’re done at two.

You’ll get a range of people on here - the idiots will bang on about two children families but please do what you want to.

So only an idiot thinks 2 children is enough due to overpopulation, climate change etc?

Why do so many couples now have 3 children? I think it is just selfish and pretty stupid. If you are lucky enough to have 2 healthy children and particularly if you have a girl and a boy (not that it should matter) then just why choose to have another? What if they have health problems?

I also think having an odd number is not good. I am one of three and I absolutely hated it and vowed I would never have more than 2. Everything and everywhere is geared up for 4. With 2 there is always an odd one out.

Despite what some people say, there is no way you can give 3 the same attention you can 2

[quote Whynothaveathird]@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross honestly? That’s not a factor in my decisions. It’s just not.
The most environmentally friendly families I know are all four children plus. I honestly don’t think outside of mumsnet, people consider the environment that much in their family planing 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
No most don't consider the environment at all which just shows how stupid and selfish most are.

It seems childfree couples actually discuss the pros and cons of having childen whereas so many couples with children seem to have no discussion because apparently "it is what you do" plus, of course, all those "accidents".

Do people really not care what sort of future their children are going to face?

Why do so many couples now have 3 children?

They don't though, it's 1.7 or something in the UK

@DipSwimSwoosh

I have 3 and their lives are very much enhanced by each other. It's great to have more than ine sibling.

I didn't like being one of three and really only got on with one of my siblings. We are now all in our 60's and I still only really get on with one

I'm one of 3 same as DH, zero issues & great friends with our siblings. Since we are talking anecdotally I know plenty of people with 1 sibling who have bad relationships.

@DollyParton2

Well the poll clearly indicates most think it’s fine/ you should go for it while so many people commenting feel the need to lecture. I fully expect anyone having a go about having 3 kids NEVER gets on a plane. Doesn’t own a car or drives electric. Grows their own vegetables / lives off their own land. Only buys second hand clothes If not, then be quiet and stop moaning.

In 66 years I have flown 6 times. I buy secondhand clothes and furniture and only if I need them not just for fun. I am vegetarian as is DH and have been for over 30 years. In fact almost vegan as I don't have milk or cheese.

I don't wear leather and I don't drive. DH drives but needs to for work. We chose not to have children for various reasons but one of them was the overpopulation of the planet and that was 40 years ago. It is, obviously, even more overpopulated now and the UK is ridiculously and uncomfortably overcrowded..

Maybe you should open your eyes and see the future that awaits and stop pretending you are somehow superior

@finkking

Why do so many couples now have 3 children?

They don't though, it's 1.7 or something in the UK

Almost all of my neighbours with children have 3. Some have more. Look at how many celebs have 3. It seems to be some sort of new trend

We have 3DD. Soooooo much more work than 2 (lots of people told me that it wasn’t really that different. It is). I absolutely adore our 3rd and I wouldn’t change having 3 for the world, but you should definitely be prepared for life to change considerably with 3 kids as opposed to the 2 that you have. It’s complete exhausting chaos! (Although I must say my favourite thing in the world is watching the 3 of them playing/laughing together)

We have two a dd and a ds and are now expecting a third. I didn't feel done after two as such but felt quite happy with our lot and was looking forward to having more time for myself. Dh has always wanted 3 and after much discussion he said it was up to me as I am the one who has to go through the pregnancy and birth. After a year and a half I decided to try and assumed it would take a while as I am four years older since I had ds and have been on the pill for a good while (fell pregnant within 2 months). We haven't told family yet as it is still very early days bit I can't help but think they won't be overjoyed as we have one of each so they don't see a need for more.

I don't think you are being unreasonable in wanting another.

I don't get why people think 3 is strange? I'd only start to be shocked when people get to 5! But even then, if you can support them in every aspect (financially, physically and mentally) then go for it! There will always be people that judge, whether you do or don't, and yes things may change in the future but if you live your life by 'what ifs' you're really not living your life, your fear is. Have a third! Have a fourth! Have a dozen! Do what is right for you and your family and screw the haters!

Have a third! So many moaners on here, many I suspect are jealous.

lynsey91 its you who sounds superior...and sorry - rather bitter actually.

We had a third and feel complete! Didnt before

Not mad just selfish
You have replaced yourself and your husband there is no need for further children the planet is over populated as it is

If the average number of children born to a woman is 1.89 then aren't all the larger families balancing out the child free or only child families? There's 6 females in my high school friendship group, 8 babies. 5 in my university friendship group, 10 babies. No one has now then 3.

Without that we'd have a rapidly declining population which brings about its own issues

Without that we'd have a rapidly declining population which brings about its own issues

We do & it's why we need immigration but...

I'm child free and honestly I think over 2 children is excessive. I feel like people used to have loads of kids back in the day.ive done family tree research and 6 to 13 was common!
Then as women worked outside of the home more formally having 2 was more the norm. When I grew up this was really common. (late 80s and 90s)

However I feel recently having more than 2 children seems to be a bit of a thing again in my generation. I'm not sure what is driving this. But to me it just seems to be placing women more firmly at home as childcare or wrap around care for 3 is expensive. Making women less independent and creating more pressure at home. Meaning working out of the home is harder. So I don't know why you would want to do this to yourself. But obviously a stranger on the Internet isn't going to change your mind!