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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to have a third?!

138 replies

Whynothaveathird · 01/01/2021 11:53

I have two beautiful healthy dc, a boy and a girl.

Ever since my youngest was born, I’ve had more comments than I can count along the lines of ‘you’re done now, you’ve completed the set, one of each’ etc etc.

I’ve always wanted three/four children. Now we have two, I’m 100% not ‘done’ yet but don’t think I could do a fourth.

Everyone I’ve mildly corrected about my plans for a third has either been shocked, bemused, or genuinely curious that I would feel the need to have more. We are financially, emotionally, physically fine etc. And yes I know I’m lucky - not a day goes by that I don’t think how lucky I am to have the children I do - but why on Earth would that make me feel I need to stop?

Am I really bu to have a third?

Ps I’m totally having a third, just want to sense check quite how mad the hive thinks I am 😂

OP posts:
UsernameSaved · 02/01/2021 12:00

@flattyres

We are financially, emotionally, physically fine etc.

that can change very quickly. Would you also be stable if you or DH became seriously ill, lost your jobs?

What is your current environmental footprint and how will you offset another child
SnuggyBuggy · 02/01/2021 12:06

It's different for different people. I wouldn't have wanted a twin pregnancy personally whereas some of my friends who'd like big families are quite keen on the idea.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/01/2021 12:50

If you'd abort a planned pregnancy because it was twins I'd assume pregnancy comes very easy to you. Given that lots of twin pregnancies are a result of some level of intervention, it isn't as simple as saying get rid of it and try again

SnuggyBuggy · 02/01/2021 13:02

I'm saying it is simple, just different people have different situations. I had a complex and difficult first pregnancy and a high needs newborn, after that twins just wasn't an option for me. Whether it's an easy decision for other people or not is irrelevant.

SnuggyBuggy · 02/01/2021 13:05

I not obviously.

Cheeseboardandmincepies · 02/01/2021 13:26

YABU. Two is plenty. People need to start taking responsibility for the world being over populated, suggest you watch the new David Attenborough documentary on netflix.

Original poster
Whynothaveathird · 02/01/2021 14:10

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross honestly? That’s not a factor in my decisions. It’s just not.
The most environmentally friendly families I know are all four children plus. I honestly don’t think outside of mumsnet, people consider the environment that much in their family planing 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
flattyres · 02/01/2021 14:26

The most environmentally friendly families I know are all four children plus.

that is not what the footprint is mainly about. Your DC3 will live 80 years and create a hellova carbon footprint. they may have 2 or 3 DC themselves who create a huge footprint and so on and so on.

reducing your carbon footprint is not done by using reusable nappies and hand me down clothes or however you imagine a family of 6 can me very environmentally friendly. this is increasingly naive..

at least say you don't care about your carbon footprint.

PetraRabbit · 02/01/2021 14:50

YANBU but it is such an individual thing that everyone has the right to feel differently. Families of three plus in my experience are more fun, more of a gang, louder, more chaotic and just feel fundamentally different to two child families. I grew up in one and love it even more now I'm older. I have two children myself because I started late, in my 40s and time has run out I suppose. I see the practical reasons to stop at two but they feel dull and boring reasons to me personally. I think a lot of people see two as perfect, especially if they grew up as one of two and it feels normal to them, and they'll never understand you. That's fine though.

Pancakeorcrepe · 02/01/2021 15:00

I think more than one or two children is not really justifiable anymore. Our planet is going to shit. People need to take more responsibility.

Pancakeorcrepe · 02/01/2021 15:02

“The most environmentally friendly families I know are all four children plus. I honestly don’t think outside of mumsnet, people consider the environment that much in their family planing”.

🙄🙄🙄 you really need to wake-up and get yourself informed, if only for the sake of your two existing children.

Fundays12 · 02/01/2021 15:07

I have 3 kids. The third was a total surprise. I had 2 boys already and all I got was endless comments such as “you were trying for a girl” or “let’s hope it’s a girl too complete your family”. We were happy with 2 boys but ds3 was an amazing surprise too us all. Now I get asked when I will try for a girl though we have made it clear we don't want more kids.

A family member has a girl and boy and people were negative she chose too have a 3rd.

People are just nosy. Having 3 kids is amazing but hard work.

finkking · 02/01/2021 15:14

I think more than one or two children is not really justifiable anymore. Our planet is going to shit. People need to take more responsibility.

Why is 1 or 2 justifiable?

Tier10 · 02/01/2021 15:20

I have 3 DC, they are all grown up now and I love the size of my family. Lots of friends had 2 DC and their family life didn’t seem any different to mine. It’s mad when you have toddlers, primary years I found lovely, DC are easy and it’s nice taking them to all their different activities, then it’s teens and before you know it they’re all grown up.

LuckyAmy1986 · 02/01/2021 15:21

I just can't understand why anyone nowadays ever contemplates this. The environmental impact is so severe, over population is decimating the planet and we are facing massive environmental problems. The planet does not need more people. Poor mental health is a huge problem and could be worsened by the toll that having 3 children might take. Many, many people regret having a third. Just quit while you're ahead, count your blessings, be content. Two is plenty for anyone. We have to be responsible

Agree, I can’t get my head round it to be honest! Who looks at the state of the world atm and thinks it’s a good idea?

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 02/01/2021 15:25

[quote Whynothaveathird]@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross honestly? That’s not a factor in my decisions. It’s just not.
The most environmentally friendly families I know are all four children plus. I honestly don’t think outside of mumsnet, people consider the environment that much in their family planing 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
There is no amount of recycling or environmental consciousness that can compensate.

I agree that it doesn't seem to be a factor in anyone's decision making though. People really ought to. Surely you want the best for your kids- part of that is thinking about what kind of future they might have to face, food shortages, flooding etc. It baffles me that people are so blasé about reproduction.

finkking · 02/01/2021 15:34

Agree, I can’t get my head round it to be honest! Who looks at the state of the world atm and thinks it’s a good idea?

Why have 1 or 2 though?

princessjasmineofagrabah · 02/01/2021 15:37

All the people banging on about carbon footprints - do you drive a car powered by recycled oil? Do you use shampoo bars and no plastic packing? Do you use reusable sanitary products? Bamboo toothbrushes? Do you walk everywhere?
Honestly - if you don't do all of those things, do you have any right to comment on someone having a third child? For most people, global warming isn't something they consider when planning a family. It just isn't - and please don't all come at me with how you're single handedly saving the planet by only having one child.
Honest to God mumsnet is full of the most self
Righteous people 😂
It's no ones business op - if you want a 3rd have one. I guarantee no one outside of mumsnet will condemn you for melting the polar ice caps 🙄

DollyParton2 · 02/01/2021 15:43

Well the poll clearly indicates most think it’s fine/ you should go for it while so many people commenting feel the need to lecture. I fully expect anyone having a go about having 3 kids NEVER gets on a plane. Doesn’t own a car or drives electric. Grows their own vegetables / lives off their own land. Only buys second hand clothes
If not, then be quiet and stop moaning.

princessjasmineofagrabah · 02/01/2021 15:44

@DollyParton2

Well the poll clearly indicates most think it’s fine/ you should go for it while so many people commenting feel the need to lecture. I fully expect anyone having a go about having 3 kids NEVER gets on a plane. Doesn’t own a car or drives electric. Grows their own vegetables / lives off their own land. Only buys second hand clothes If not, then be quiet and stop moaning.
Amen 🙏
DollyParton2 · 02/01/2021 15:44

Ha princessjasmineofagrabah - cross posted! Great minds ... Smile

greeneyedlulu · 02/01/2021 15:52

If I'm absolutely honest then yes I'd like another little baby to hold, cradle and all the proper 'little baby stage' stuff but god lord, I'm knackered. I have a 7yo who was a nightmare sleeper and a 1yo who was and still is an angel at sleeping but I'm 40 and I'm just too bloody tired! The thought of sleepless nights etc scare me enough to not do it but if I could have a 100% guarantee that the 3rd would be like my 2nd then I would, i miss my baby babies!

LuckyAmy1986 · 02/01/2021 15:53

@finkking well she can’t do anything about the first two, they’re already here?

igotosleep · 02/01/2021 15:54

Gosh there’s been loads of threads on this recently, posters up in arms if anyone dares consider a third.

If it’s what you want, then go for it. Who cares if you have one of each, in my opinion children are the best thing ever. I would have 10 if I had the space / money Grin (think my husband would jump out the window).

I am soon-to-be a mum of three and cannot wait! Not ruled out a fourth but I only have a four bedroomed house & don’t know how I feel about them having to share (I am an only child so always had my own space).

Enjoy your lovely family Smile

finkking · 02/01/2021 15:55

@LuckyAmy1986 it was a general point though