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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send kids in all 5 days when I only work 3

127 replies

missingmum · 31/12/2020 21:25

Husband and I are both key workers, both unable to work from home, husband has Asperger and eldest dd yr4 has ASD, youngest is 5.

Mum died suddenly last year, dad is miles away and an abusive alcoholic, husbands parents are both dead. We have no one to offer support. No friends due to husbands and eldest conditions.

Ive had to go back on anti depression tablets and diazepam for extreme anxiety as losing my mum and since March have not had a minute away from the children unless I have been at work.

I work 3 days but considering sending my children in the the full 5 as I am at breaking point.
Am I unreasonable? I've no one talk to about this in real life so please be gentle.

OP posts:
ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 31/12/2020 21:27

YANBU Flowers

Badwill · 31/12/2020 21:28

Go for it OP, if it helps your mental health it ultimately benefits your DC plus they're not tiny so they'll benefit from the socialization with their peers. So sorry about your mum. Take care Flowers

KatieKat88 · 31/12/2020 21:29

YANBU. Covid is not the only killer out there. If you're able to send them in for 5 days, take it as the support that you need and as what is best for your family. I wouldn't judge you at all for it.

toolazytothinkofausername · 31/12/2020 21:29

YANBU. Do what is best for your family.

Elsielouise13 · 31/12/2020 21:30

The provision is for vulnerable children or to enable key workers to go to work. If you are struggling better to discuss this with the school and have childcare provided because your children are vulnerable - if you feel they may be due to your circumstances

Else YABU IMO .

Satsumatrifle · 31/12/2020 21:30

I would ask your GP's advice. It sounds like your children are in a vulnerable position and perhaps that's the key issue.

apeneu · 31/12/2020 21:31

I'm a teacher, please send them in. Thanks

RebeccaCloud9 · 31/12/2020 21:31

During lockdown, my school were strict with checking shifts, but they were also very understanding for families that needed support. I'm sure if you talked to the school they would help you. Hope you are able to get support x

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 31/12/2020 21:31

Please do it. You deserve room to get well too. Life shouldn't be all misery and if you can find a tiny bit if light somewhere, please take it.

RefuseTheLies · 31/12/2020 21:31

YANBU. You sound exhausted.

Strictly1 · 31/12/2020 21:33

Talk to the school - they will appreciate your honesty. The last time I had parents trying to drop other parents in it so I'd like to know the truth. I would fully support you

Wineinthegarden · 31/12/2020 21:34

Send them in. You need respite and to look after yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

AldiAisleofCrap · 31/12/2020 21:34

Yes you are, they will be many people who are struggling who are not key workers and cannot send their kids in at all.
Only children that need to be there should be there to save lives.
I understand it’s hard I am disabled , four of my children have autism.
We have no support either but it’s hard for so many. If everyone who was finding it hard sent their dc in the schools would be almost full.
There are single parents wfh with no break at all.
Speak to your GP instead but don’t abuse the system. You will only be with the children for four schools days it’s two weeks. Just don’t put pressure on yourself or the children in those days.

likeafishneedsabike · 31/12/2020 21:34

I’m assuming from your post that their primary is shutting? In a bit confused as to why you haven’t had clear days while they’ve been at school and you’ve been at home during the Autumn term.

tigger001 · 31/12/2020 21:34

If you are struggling to cope, i would definitely send them in while you need it.

Can you speak with your doctor if they have someone you can talk through your grief with

trilbydoll · 31/12/2020 21:34

A lot of local schools said KW kids went in full time or nothing, they didn't allow mixing and matching days. So I can't see a problem. It must be easier for the school to have kids in full time anyway so they're not trying to create a complicated rota of bubbles.

TheIrishRover · 31/12/2020 21:35

I'd do it in a heartbeat op. Mind yourself Thanks

Meredusoleil · 31/12/2020 21:36

Of course not. You're perfectly entitled to full time school provision for your kids. Our work circumstances are similar to you and we have asked for a KW place for our dd in Y4. No shame in it!

Lottieeshborn · 31/12/2020 21:39

Nope, NBU at all!!! I have a 9 year old and a 13 month old, I'm also on chemo and a registered nurse on A&E (currently off shielding..... again!!!) And honestly I neednto get my son in nursery. My 9 YO DD is a dream and she's such a caring lovely girl who's been through a lot with me being poorly. My DS who is 13 months is a beautiful little miracle but also a very draining dick at times!! So I get you!! I love my kids so much, but damn I need a break. My little man is just stuck to me..... 24/7 and the chemo and my condition kick my ass at times. My mum works full time (dad is dead), and my PIL help where they can but like a good hour away. It doesn't matter if they go to child care and on some of those days you do sweet FA! Put your feet up, actually have a warm brew, put on love actually or titanic and cry at how these children drain every last little fibre of energy from you! Do whatever you want!

I literally watched my baby hit himself of the head over and over and over, all for me to say no so he could laugh!!! Like...... really!?!?!

Anyway, get them in and take some time for yourself! Remember, you're not just mum, you're @missingmum or in my case "lostthewilltolivemum"

Happy new year from one stressed and exhausted mum to another x

CiderWithRosy · 31/12/2020 21:39

YANBU Thanks

Lottieeshborn · 31/12/2020 21:40

*live

drspouse · 31/12/2020 21:41

YANBU at all. In June/July my DS (he has ADHD and an EHCP was offered a place Tues through Fri and he went all 4 days even though Friday is my day off.

Original poster
missingmum · 31/12/2020 21:42

Thank you for the replies, all day I've been worrying and trying to keep it together for the kids since I emailed the school asking for the full week.

I didn't realise how much my mum did that kept our family together and functioning.

The school have been amazing, without them I would not have coped, I just didn't want the teachers to think i am abusing them as the teachers have kept us all afloat this past 10 months.

OP posts:
drspouse · 31/12/2020 21:44

I should say, I sent DS on the Friday to keep his routine as consistent as possible, not just for me.

Doublechins · 31/12/2020 21:46

At my DC school those DC going in as keyworker DC have to do all 5 days anyway

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