To send kids in all 5 days when I only work 3

[missingmum]

Husband and I are both key workers, both unable to work from home, husband has Asperger and eldest dd yr4 has ASD, youngest is 5.

Mum died suddenly last year, dad is miles away and an abusive alcoholic, husbands parents are both dead. We have no one to offer support. No friends due to husbands and eldest conditions.

Ive had to go back on anti depression tablets and diazepam for extreme anxiety as losing my mum and since March have not had a minute away from the children unless I have been at work.

I work 3 days but considering sending my children in the the full 5 as I am at breaking point.
Am I unreasonable? I've no one talk to about this in real life so please be gentle.

Do it. School places are there for people in your situation.

I think it’s fine for you to send them in.

I’d be unsure telling the school though because then they’ll have the opportunity to say no to it. On balance I wouldn’t tell the school.

YABU if you aren't up front with the school about it.

YANBU to ask, and I'm sure the school will help. But be honest.

@Elsielouise13

The provision is for vulnerable children or to enable key workers to go to work. If you are struggling better to discuss this with the school and have childcare provided because your children are vulnerable - if you feel they may be due to your circumstances

Else YABU IMO .

This. Personally i think the case numbers are through the roof. Im not sure that school is the right place on the days you are off. Sorry.

I think YBU, sorry about your situation but plenty people are struggling. I am on medication for anxiety and depression , I have to take unpaid time of work as I have no childcare. I’m not a keyworker. I’m worrying about money. My kids are stressed about home schooling, they don’t cope well with it. For those two days you are considering sending them in. Someone else could be needing those places.

I appreciate it is very hard for you but worry about children being exposed to this mad virus.

yes, go for it. As a teacher I would think this would be in the kids (and your best interest) so I think the school would be supportive.

In my county they ask for shift details and both parents need to be key workers to get a place.

Yanbu to ask the school.

Be honest with them, and ask if you can extend the days due to your own health issues.

Please send them in, it will be good for you and them to have some normality amongst everything happening right now.

It’s a bit of a piss take though isn’t it.

I mean lots of people are struggling like crazy, having personal problems, job problems, ect and still having to do that whilst the kids can’t go to school as it’s shut to them.

Your having two extra days to make life easier for you when others don’t get that option.

Still do it, but just pointing out your excuses are invalid. At least own. (and probably don’t admit it to anyone in real life)

Yabu
Talk to the school about qualification for this. This isn't a facility for flexible childcare. I'm sure lots of people would like days they are not entitled to. Remember you are risking staff, children and extended families everytime you use facilities.

Not at all .

Sorry but I think Yabu

Yabvu
You want privileges not available to others.
This is a national emergency situation, and childcare is offered to enable key workers to go to work in essential occupations, not to give you a couple of days off parenting each week.
If you have issues, address them, don’t abuse the system.

Our primary is requesting that if you need a key worker space it is full time every day.

Please stop feeling mum guilt.

I agree send them in. They will be doing projects and will have others around to support them.

It you aren’t strong then the whole thing falls apart.

Those saying YABU appear not to be aware nobody else can use the space, do they?

Exactly 🙄

Another voice saying do it. At our primary it’s five days or nothing - you have to have the three days so you can work, it’s just luck that that also gives you the other two days, and you’re due a bit of good luck.

YANBU. I was judged for sending my asd child to school last summer (didn’t go during the full lockdown) but went back in June as he has an EHCP (could have gone from the start). I was judged because I didn’t have a job at the time and didn’t ‘need’ to send him (partner has worked throughout all this though)! Told By someone I took a space from a parent who may have needed it for work. I get their point. But we really weren’t getting any work done at home, my mental health was in tatters, Ds was refusing to go sleep until 11pm (only 8 at the time) and not getting out of bed til 10am. He was constantly picking on my younger dc. School reassured me that they had to leave a space open for DS anyway due to his EHCP and it really wasn’t taking a space from another parent as his was set in stone and even if I didn’t send him the space wouldn’t be given to anyone else.

So yeah YANBU. Send them all 5 days if you can.

Going part time would really harm my ds. He would get confused why can’t go every day, also he may grow used to it and struggle to go back to the usual.

I think that's very unfair on the millions of other people who are also struggling. Who either need to WFH or out the house but not deemed essential enough for a keyworker place.

Remember the more days they are in school the more likely they are to come into contact with Covid and have to self isolate for 10 days.

If he isn't there, the space won't be used those other days. Schools aren't doing part time, patchwork type provision, so he may as well be there.

Remember the more days they are in school the more likely they are to come into contact with Covid and have to self isolate for 10 days.

Highly unlikely as the teachers/children will actually be able to socially distance with the low numbers in. That being the whole point...

"abuse the system" 🙄