To send kids in all 5 days when I only work 3

[missingmum]

Husband and I are both key workers, both unable to work from home, husband has Asperger and eldest dd yr4 has ASD, youngest is 5.

Mum died suddenly last year, dad is miles away and an abusive alcoholic, husbands parents are both dead. We have no one to offer support. No friends due to husbands and eldest conditions.

Ive had to go back on anti depression tablets and diazepam for extreme anxiety as losing my mum and since March have not had a minute away from the children unless I have been at work.

I work 3 days but considering sending my children in the the full 5 as I am at breaking point.
Am I unreasonable? I've no one talk to about this in real life so please be gentle.

I only needed 3 days childcare yet sxhool wanted them all in every day anyway to keep routine

Quite, they're hardly going to bring another child in the other 2 days.

We did this in the first lockdown. The DC desperately needed the routine and my husbands mental health needed the break.

Do what's right for you.

I think that's very unfair on the millions of other people who are also struggling. Who either need to WFH or out the house but not deemed essential enough for a keyworker place.

Absolutely this.

Being a key worker isn't the only criteria form a school place.
Vulnerable children also get places.
And it sounds like OPs DC qualify under that criterion.

As PP have said, I would talk to the school about it. It might depend how many places they have available. In the first lockdown, once schools opened up, I sent my daughter the three days I had to work but then headteacher spoke to me and said to send her five days for continuity. Hope things feel more manageable soon. 🌻

Our school is fully staffed and we welcome as many children as need to come in. School is about safety, education and support to families at all times. Two extra children for two days will make no difference to the school whatsoever but a huge difference to you and your partner.
No guilt necessary at all.

I think YABU to 'cheat the system', so to speak, but not at all unreasonable to discuss with the school and request full time.

Good luck!

I think this is an inteteresting thread. OP I don't disagree with you at all, but this is what most people have been dealing with for ten months, and now many have to go back to doing this plus trying to work at the same time. The impact on the parents of younger children is unimaginable particularly women.

I think that's very unfair on the millions of other people who are also struggling. Who either need to WFH or out the house but not deemed essential enough for a keyworker place.

This

Teachers continually tell us on MN that they aren't there to provide childcare.

If you only need 3 days for your work you could be denying someone else who is also a key worker a place of you are taking up additional days.

I'm teacher and while I agree my role is education not childcare as a pp has said I prefer kids to be in 5 days rather than have no idea whe kids are coming in and its difficult to keep track if all the keyworker families are doing similar things.

Someone else has asked the same though...surely your kids have been at school in the autumn term so you've had days without them then?

Also what do keyworkers do before and after school for childcare? I've always wondered this.....

Every teacher on this thread has said send them in. Every teacher on this thread has said a place is 5 days anyway, so the op won't be taking a place from anyone else. There is a level of spite in the 'everyone else is suffering too so suck it up' that us quite depressing. Should none of us make use of any slight advantage because not everyone can? Shall I stop letting my parents come and help me out because not everyone has the option to do that? The op will not be unfairly depriving anyone else so there is no need for the self righteous 'suck it up' responses.

@Russell19

I'm teacher and while I agree my role is education not childcare as a pp has said I prefer kids to be in 5 days rather than have no idea whe kids are coming in and its difficult to keep track if all the keyworker families are doing similar things.

Someone else has asked the same though...surely your kids have been at school in the autumn term so you've had days without them then?

Also what do keyworkers do before and after school for childcare? I've always wondered this.....

Can't speak for everyone but I managed to shift my hours to school hours luckily!

Send them in OP, and don't feel guilty about it.

Yanbu. Our head suggested this as your kids are taking up a space anyway due to bubbles-no one else could have those 2 days. Just send them.

Can't speak for everyone but I managed to shift my hours to school hours luckily!
Not much use for teachers, my DH is a KW and though he's WFH, he's really expected to be in meetings past school hours so he couldn't do that either.

If you feel your children are vulnerable, be honest with the school about it and explain the situation. They might as well provide the place for the few days you don’t work.
But schools are closed to reduce transmission. Less children the better. The school stuff working in the provision will be risking contracting the virus every day and I feel it’s unfair. There are so many families entitled to nothing, it breaks my heart. I have never used the provision unless I’m physically at work myself (key worker too). Even though I sympathise, YABU.

@HugeAckmansWife

Every teacher on this thread has said send them in. Every teacher on this thread has said a place is 5 days anyway, so the op won't be taking a place from anyone else. There is a level of spite in the 'everyone else is suffering too so suck it up' that us quite depressing. Should none of us make use of any slight advantage because not everyone can? Shall I stop letting my parents come and help me out because not everyone has the option to do that? The op will not be unfairly depriving anyone else so there is no need for the self righteous 'suck it up' responses.

Absolutely agree, some of the attitudes here suck. Yes, we’ve all had a tough year, yes this option isn’t available to everyone but omg if you have the opportunity to make things a little easier on yourself than go for it. There’s no prizes for suffering.

Teachers continually tell us on MN that they aren't there to provide childcare.
If you only need 3 days for your work you could be denying someone else who is also a key worker a place of you are taking up additional days.
We aren't a childcare service, you're right.
We are providers of education and from Monday some schools are open to children of key workers and vulnerable children. The OP's children would fit both those situations for many schools. You also have no idea how schools are doing their key worker provision otherwise you'd probably not be suggesting that the OP is removing provision from other people.

Please don't be goady and try to create a teachers vs parents spat. Most of us are all on the same page and doing our best.

Another teacher here and I agree to send them in. As others have said the places are there no matter what your shift pattern. I haven’t heard of any schools using infill space, simply because there’s no legal limit to the numbers of keyworker children we have—so it’s impossible to budget time and resources around shifts, we do what is necessary and wouldn’t dream about arguing the toss with keyworkers, most of whom are quite stressed enough, and appreciative of what we’re doing.

I’d agree about letting school know about the additional needs, though not to get a place, just so they can better support you.

Also, general point for the naysayers which may not apply to you specifically, but if you're a keyworker working long shifts but full time then that time out is for you to recover so absolutely fine to include it as school time. I’d rather doctors treating me weren’t sleep deprived because they were worried about taking up every day of their childcare place!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4121771-to-send-kids-in-all-5-days-when-i-only-work-3#

You are 100% deserving of the care and support your school will want to provide. 💐

Yanbu. Get them sent in and don't discuss it with people IRL. It's really nobody's business but yours anyway.

Sometimes you have to do things like this for your own sanity. I work on the front line and antidepressants and living on my own have saved my life.

It will make no difference to anyone else, the school wouldn't be slotting children in on those two days. As staff, we wouldn't be batting an eyelid at this.

I work at my kids school, and was only working mornings during the last lockdown. My kids still stayed in all day.

Our school would absolutely support your children going in full time in these circumstances.