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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you date someone who shared custody of a dog with his ex?

118 replies

LanaLielaLie · 31/12/2020 08:42

He’s obsessed with this dog and claims he needs it in his life. Therefore, once a week he goes over to the house he still owns with his ex and let’s himself in, gets the dog out of the cage and takes it for a walk. Am I being unreasonable to be a bit wary of this? I’m finding myself being jealous over a fucking dog 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
wetotter · 31/12/2020 08:43

I'd be more worried about someone who was happy to leave a dog.

strawberry2017 · 31/12/2020 08:43

Dogs become family, I could never walk away from mine.
I think it's nice that he cares so much for his that he still wants it in his life.

AnImposter · 31/12/2020 08:44

I would've said no way. That's bizarre he needs to grow up!

Then I got a dog, and it's like my second child. If me and he broke up and he took the dog I'd want visitation 😂

Alexindiamondarmour · 31/12/2020 08:44

I agree with PP

Ilovebolly · 31/12/2020 08:44

I think it would depend on a lot of things - how long have he and his ex been split up, what is their relationship like? I wouldn’t be worried about the dog as such, but would be wary if it’s a new split that he hasn’t moved in and the dog is a way of holding on to his ex.

Brumplescruff · 31/12/2020 08:45

Wouldn’t bother me but then I have let’s including a dog.

If you don’t have a dog I can see why you’d find it weird.

Brumplescruff · 31/12/2020 08:45

Pets

Taikoo · 31/12/2020 08:46

Could he not get his own dog?
Weirdo.
Yanbu.

StrawberrySquash · 31/12/2020 08:46

My friend shared custody of the dog with her ex when they broke up. It seemed sensible to me and worked, as far as I know. So seems fine to me.

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 31/12/2020 08:46

They’ve only been split up a few months but he says that it’s not about her in the slightest. And with the amount of pics I receive over WhatsApp of this dog, I’m inclined to believe him.

OP posts:
TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 31/12/2020 08:52

When my parents split up the dog travelled between them with us! We had a 50:50 model - Dad would show up at school with our suitcase and dog at 3.45 on a Monday and we’d get on the bus to Mum’s. Then the following Monday he’d meet the bus at 8.45 and collect dog and suitcase. This went on for 6 years until we left for uni, at which point Dad kept the dog.

AmandaHugenkiss · 31/12/2020 08:53

This would be me 😂 I could never leave my cat!

He sounds like he loves his dog and still wants to take responsibility for it, which is great. Are you a dog person? He’s likely to want another dog with whoever he ends up with long term.....

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 31/12/2020 08:55

I love dogs but I have a cat so there would have to be a gradual puppy intro taking place 😂

Maybe I need to relax!

OP posts:
SimonJT · 31/12/2020 08:58

So now you have an excuse to spend time with a dog, seems like a pretty big bonus to me.

Glendaruel · 31/12/2020 09:00

My ex would take a certain route back to his parents so that I could go on a walk with the dogs every so often. Leaving the dogs was far more upsetting than leaving my ex. Think it's good that he still loves his dog and is showing commitment to it. We love our pets but it is also a responsibility that doesn't end just because a relationship has broken down. Why should the dog miss out? How someone treats a pet says a lot about their character

moomin11 · 31/12/2020 09:01

I did yes, although the arrangement did have to come to an end when the ex moved away and there was travel involved!

Moondust001 · 31/12/2020 09:01

@Taikoo

Could he not get his own dog? Weirdo. Yanbu.
You don't just replace a pet. I'd respect him the more for his responsible and caring attitude towards the pet that he is committed to. And anyone who thought it was unreasonable would be the weirdo.
moomin11 · 31/12/2020 09:03

When me and my ex split up and I asked him to have our dog occasionally he suggested I take her to a rescue centre - we had had her for 7 years. Said a lot about his character.

Alexandernevermind · 31/12/2020 09:04

He sounds like a man who takes his responsibilities seriously, which bodes well, although I would have had a twinge of jealousy that the dog was a link to his ex partner.
A joint responsibility of pets after a relationship breakdown really isn't that unusual. Our pets are important family members. I wonder if they also split vet fees etc?

Stealthynamechange · 31/12/2020 09:05

I used to have this arrangement with my ex, dickhead has now kept the dogs & i've bought my own - still miss them though! You never know the dog & your cat might be fine. My cat much prefers my older dogs (who he was gradually introduced to as i brought him after our split) to my pup!!

Anyoldname12 · 31/12/2020 09:07

@Taikoo

Could he not get his own dog? Weirdo. Yanbu.
It is his dog. What are you struggling to understand. Just because a relationship has broken down it doesn’t stop being your dog.

“Only have the kids EOW?”... Just have new kids”

Dozer · 31/12/2020 09:08

So he’s a ‘Disney’ non resident dog owner: one walk a week! Presumably his ex now does almost all the actual work.

The frequent pictures would irritate me as am not into pets. Compatibility thing?

Fieldofyellowflowers · 31/12/2020 09:26

@Taikoo It is his dog he is visiting. Not his favourite armchair.

OP, he clearly loves his dog very much. That would earn him extra brownie points in my book.

WunWun · 31/12/2020 09:28

I'd be more wary of going out with someone who only split with their ex a few months ago.

EveningOverRooftops · 31/12/2020 09:36

@TooExtraImmatureCheddar

When my parents split up the dog travelled between them with us! We had a 50:50 model - Dad would show up at school with our suitcase and dog at 3.45 on a Monday and we’d get on the bus to Mum’s. Then the following Monday he’d meet the bus at 8.45 and collect dog and suitcase. This went on for 6 years until we left for uni, at which point Dad kept the dog.
Your parents were clearly (assumptions and all) pretty bloody decent to get this system going so the dog was still with you 24/7 esp as they can get anxious and lonely when their pack leaves for a few day.