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Original poster

Would you date someone who shared custody of a dog with his ex?

118 replies

LanaLielaLie · 31/12/2020 08:42

He’s obsessed with this dog and claims he needs it in his life. Therefore, once a week he goes over to the house he still owns with his ex and let’s himself in, gets the dog out of the cage and takes it for a walk. Am I being unreasonable to be a bit wary of this? I’m finding myself being jealous over a fucking dog 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
SkinnyMinnieee · 01/01/2021 03:18

I think he should be more worried about your attitude than the reverse!

Mally2020 · 01/01/2021 03:32

this weirdly sounds like my uncle. They split in lockdown after a shit marriage. She cheated and wouldn't let him see us, his family.etc.
He loves the dog very much that they've had for a few years now but feels nothing for her and is just trying to move on. He had the dog more but she's kicked off that much he has tried to keep it equal and has done everything for their lovely dog. I thin if you guys get gradually more serious then state you think it should be a more professional and separate hand over of the pet each week.

1forAll74 · 01/01/2021 03:41

A person obviously gets very attached to his or her dog, and loves to see them. Maybe as the dog is caged ( a pet hate of mine !) he feels that he has to take it out for a walk, and give it some freedom for a while.

I wouldn't be jealous of this kind of thing, unless you think there are other reasons why he is going to his previous home.

BlueThistles · 01/01/2021 06:06

No 🌺

KatherineJaneway · 01/01/2021 06:41

I think its odd he is 'obsessed' with the dog but only sees it once a week for a solitary walk.

lyinginthegutterstaringatstars · 01/01/2021 07:08

I know a couple who divorced and ended up in court over the dog and two cats. I suppose it's kind of cute they love the animals but rather strange to me.

Wheresmykimchi · 01/01/2021 12:58

@MustardMitt

I'd be more worried about someone who was happy to leave a dog

What?

I wouldn’t date someone with a dog let alone a dog that lives with their ex so I really shouldn’t comment, but the above comment is ridiculous.

I think I wrote that? Why's it ridiculous?
ForgottenWhyImHere · 01/01/2021 13:58

We have agreed that the dog goes where the kids go. So 50/50 split. If we didn't have kids, I would definitely have fought for the dog. I don't think there would have been an actual fight though - strongly suspect the only reason ex will continue looking after the dog is because otherwise the children might refuse to see him as often. They want to be where the dog is!

I wouldn't be concerned about someone who still wants contact with their dog. If he's letting himself in, he's not seeing the ex.

YakkityYakYakYak · 01/01/2021 14:01

I think it’s slightly odd, but shows commitment doesn’t it! So it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me, unless you start to sense it’s just a way for him to not move on fully from the ex and the life he had with her.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 01/01/2021 14:02

When I split up with my ex we had 4 dogs between us. 2 I had when I met him and his 2.

He left them all behind with me. Never asked to see them etc.

So they all became my dogs 😊

vanillandhoney · 01/01/2021 14:13

@KatherineJaneway

I think its odd he is 'obsessed' with the dog but only sees it once a week for a solitary walk.
Why is that odd? He doesn't live with his ex anymore so it wouldn't really appropriate to go and see the dog everyday.

I mean, if he works full-time, and the ex is around in the morning and evenings, maybe Saturday is the only chance he gets to see the dog? The ex probably has other arrangements during the week - a walker, daycare or sitters, for example.

KatherineJaneway · 01/01/2021 15:12

Why is that odd? He doesn't live with his ex anymore so it wouldn't really appropriate to go and see the dog everyday.

I disagree. If he cared that much he'd have part custody of the dog or see him at least a few times a week. Ex is on night shifts when he let's himself in, not like they are meeting up 🤷‍♀️

vanillandhoney · 01/01/2021 15:15

@KatherineJaneway

Why is that odd? He doesn't live with his ex anymore so it wouldn't really appropriate to go and see the dog everyday.

I disagree. If he cared that much he'd have part custody of the dog or see him at least a few times a week. Ex is on night shifts when he let's himself in, not like they are meeting up 🤷‍♀️

But that's on a Saturday when he presumably has a day off. During the week he'd be at work all day.
myhobbyisouting · 01/01/2021 15:15

Can you get "part custody" of a dog?

TheAdventuresoftheWishingChair · 01/01/2021 16:04

Would people really want to be 5-8 years into a relationship and watch as their partner left to go and walk a dog they'd had with an ex on a regular basis? Literally step away from family time every week and be absent from family life to go for a walk under those circumstances? I can't see it being very easy to manage years down the line.

I know how much dogs mean to people but I also think it's quite confusing and distressing for the dog too - a human they love turns up, they get excited and then sad as they watch them leave again week after week. It's not kind.

I had a dog with an ex. He was desperate for shared custody. He was also abusive and so I put my foot down. He genuinely loved the dog, it was also a very convenient way of ensuring he got to be part of my life and control things. I moved 2 hours away and he literally yelled at me on several occasions because I wasn't prepared to drive that every week so he could see the dog. I was trying to pick up the pieces of him being abusive. I felt for him never seeing her again but no way could I have envisioned myself 3 years down the line exposing myself to his temper or any of the other rubbish I put up with from him to allow him to see her like that. How could I have moved on? The dog adjusted absolutely fine and I think was happier without the disruption of him popping up every now and again.

I know it's a tricky issue when you really adore a pet but it's bonkers long term unless you live close by and are on very good terms with your ex. If that is the case, crack on, I wouldn't think badly of someone for doing it.

KatherineJaneway · 01/01/2021 16:09

Can you get "part custody" of a dog?

Yes, it's a thing.

But that's on a Saturday when he presumably has a day off. During the week he'd be at work all day.

Then he can walk the dog in an evening 🤦‍♀️

EggBobbin · 01/01/2021 20:03

You can’t get custody of a dog, in law a dog is property. It needs 1 owner if possession is disputed. A court could order you to sell it and split the proceeds or for one or other person to retain the dog but they can’t force you to share custody as they could with children. Most people that arrange such things do so through mediation not a court.

Hardbackwriter · 01/01/2021 21:44

Would people really want to be 5-8 years into a relationship and watch as their partner left to go and walk a dog they'd had with an ex on a regular basis? Literally step away from family time every week and be absent from family life to go for a walk under those circumstances? I can't see it being very easy to manage years down the line.

Yes, as I said upthread I know a few people who tried it but it tailed off in every case. Tellingly every example in this thread of people doing it long term there was shared custody of the children and moving the dog about was part of that. I think it's one of those things that people think they'll do immediately post-breakup but once they move on and get a new partner it starts to feel a bit silly and gets dropped.

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