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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you date someone who shared custody of a dog with his ex?

118 replies

LanaLielaLie · 31/12/2020 08:42

He’s obsessed with this dog and claims he needs it in his life. Therefore, once a week he goes over to the house he still owns with his ex and let’s himself in, gets the dog out of the cage and takes it for a walk. Am I being unreasonable to be a bit wary of this? I’m finding myself being jealous over a fucking dog 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 31/12/2020 12:15

So the dog is left stuck in a crate in the daytime ? Why doesn’t he have the dog ?
You should see this as a good thing, he is clearly responsible, doesn’t abandon an animal , is kind hearted and reliable. Why are you jealous ? He is taking a dog for a walk not having long lunches with his ex. Must be very upsetting to have to leave a pet, and if this dog is left crated while his ex is out at work, that is a pretty grim existence.

myhobbyisouting · 31/12/2020 12:16

If his initials are CD then yes, you should be worried. And should LTB for your own sanity.

myhobbyisouting · 31/12/2020 12:18

And everyone saying he loves his dog Hmm he walks it just once a week. Surely it gets walked about 21 times a week. He does it only once. Why?

And the poor bugger lives in a cage. Oh yeah, true love that.

Immrswhistledown · 31/12/2020 12:21

@LanaLielaLie

I love dogs but I have a cat so there would have to be a gradual puppy intro taking place 😂

Maybe I need to relax!

There’s no why a dog and cat can’t live happily together, they would just need to get used to each other.

He sounds like a loving and responsible pet owner. He’s showing compassion and care, good qualities in any partner.

movingonup20 · 31/12/2020 12:32

I share custody of my dog, neither of our dp's have an issue with the fact we are also still friends. I also know more dp's exw. It's possible to split amicably!

movingonup20 · 31/12/2020 12:34

Oh and exh is driving the dog to my parents so they get a turn too, as soon as this tier 4 thing is over

RickiTarr · 31/12/2020 12:34

You don’t really don’t sound like a dog person OP.

His arrangements make perfect sense to any dog lover. Maybe you’re just fundamentally incompatible.

NeverEnoughCats · 31/12/2020 12:43

I have four cats - two were mine, two were STBXH's. When he left I expected that he'd want to take his two with him, but two years later they are still here. I've covered all food, litter and other costs such as vet appointments and vaccinations for them. It's fine, and I'm happy I've still got them because the kids love them, but it has shown him for who he is. Mind you, he only sees the kids once a week at his request and has yet to pay any child maintenance for them, so I'm not really sure why I expected the cat situation to be different.

I think it shows that your bf loves his dog, and takes his responsibilities seriously.

Wheresmykimchi · 31/12/2020 12:44

@Taikoo

Could he not get his own dog? Weirdo. Yanbu.
It is his dog.

OP I get the worry but as PP said , the taking care of his dog is good.

saraclara · 31/12/2020 12:52

Definitely a good sign. Presumably he and the ex have decided that it's better for the dog to remain with her than have a 50:50 arrangement, so of course he still wants to see it, and she trusts him to do so.

saraclara · 31/12/2020 12:54

@Mummyoflittledragon

I stayed with my ex until he moved away temporarily so I could get custody of the dog. Every dog will now always in my name. As the sahm it makes sense but the all important microchip is registered to me.

Your dp loves his dog. It’s odd. But it’s only once a week.

Why is it odd for him to love the dog, when you clearly love yours so much that you insist that you have custody?
Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 31/12/2020 13:06

His ex works nights and sleeps during the day so he goes in and gets the dog. He said she’s in a cage but I don’t understand why Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 31/12/2020 13:08

I’m not a dog person no. I’d love a dog one day but I think I’m naturally a cat person. It’s definitely an incompatibility.

OP posts:
Cheeseandwin5 · 31/12/2020 13:12

I am not sure if you have a dog but I think if you did then you would get it. they are not fixtures but actual members of the family in their own right.
If you stay with this man , I assume you will get one in the future and you will see the incredible love they elicit.

vanillandhoney · 31/12/2020 13:18

@myhobbyisouting

And everyone saying he loves his dog Hmm he walks it just once a week. Surely it gets walked about 21 times a week. He does it only once. Why?

And the poor bugger lives in a cage. Oh yeah, true love that.

Nowhere does it says the dog lives in a cage - just that it happens to be crated when he goes in and gets it.

Also, why would a dog get walked 21 times a week? Mine is walked once, maybe twice a day. He certainly doesn't need 21 walks a week.

Lots of people hire dog walkers or send their dogs to daycare too - does that mean they don't love their dogs either?

TheLeastBit · 31/12/2020 13:19

Yeah I agree with PPs OP. I honestly couldn't just never see my dog again if me and DH split tomorrow. We've joked before that we'd 100% have to split custody along with the kids 😂

DaveMinion · 31/12/2020 13:23

Me and my DH always say if we split up we’d have to share custody of the dog (I get to keep the cat though as he’s not a fan). I would def have him the majority though. No brainer. He is literally our child (infertility won so fur baby it is).

RickiTarr · 31/12/2020 15:06

@LanaLielaLie

I’m not a dog person no. I’d love a dog one day but I think I’m naturally a cat person. It’s definitely an incompatibility.
Never get a dog unless you’re a dog person.

Similarly don’t date a dog person unless you’re a dog person.

TirisfalPumpkin · 31/12/2020 15:08

No.

He should have either negotiated getting to keep doggo as part of his divorce settlement, or accepted it is in dogs best interest to stay with his ex. Pet split residency arrangements? Madness. It seems this isn’t even that, he just goes to his ex’s house regularly.

Wouldn’t go there tbh.

Floralnomad · 31/12/2020 16:37

The OP has said that the dog is in a cage whilst the ex sleeps during the day , if it isn’t allowed the run of the house whilst she is physically in the house I can’t imagine it is allowed it whilst she is at work / out so sadly this dog probably does spend a lot of time in a cage .

MrsExpo · 31/12/2020 16:44

Mixed feelings on this one. As a dog owner myself, I can understand the connection between man and dog and would never be parted from mine, so this wouldn't bother me in the slightest. In fact, he'd earn extra brownie points for devotion. Could he not just have the dog with him full time?

Wheresmykimchi · 31/12/2020 18:43

@TirisfalPumpkin

No.

He should have either negotiated getting to keep doggo as part of his divorce settlement, or accepted it is in dogs best interest to stay with his ex. Pet split residency arrangements? Madness. It seems this isn’t even that, he just goes to his ex’s house regularly.

Wouldn’t go there tbh.

I now lots and lots of people who share a dog.

Negotiate in settlement? It's a living thing not a TV.

Heartlantern2 · 31/12/2020 18:46

Sends photos over messenger 😂😂 not even worried about the ex but the dog! 😂

Plus side, if you had a child together....you know his a loving man who takes commitment seriously.

Hardbackwriter · 31/12/2020 18:48

I know a few people who tried this after break-ups. In every case it ended a long time before the dog's time was up, with one of them taking 'full custody'. If they don't have anything else binding them (e.g. kids) I'd expect this problem to solve itself, but I do think it might be a sign he's still transitioning out the relationship.

Daisysflowers · 31/12/2020 19:42

Strange this post popped up today, I have a friend who has recently split with her partner and they are both fighting over custody of the dog. The last month the dog has spent certain days with each owner. They are both very unwilling to give the dog up. They are working on a schedule for going forward...the dog has only recently turned a year old so it’s going to be many years ahead of this joint dog custodyGrin