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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Vegan gift.

531 replies

FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 17:11

It was my birthday over the Christmas period; my friend - who is quite the "militant vegan" - has sent me some chocolates through the post which is really lovely and thoughtful of her.

However upon opening the chocolate I have found that it is vegan and gluten-free. I am neither of these things. I'm grateful for the thought but sadly this gift will go to waste as it is not something I'd eat.

I probably sound massively ungrateful but I really do appreciate the thought - the only reason I'm a bit irked by it is because I bend over backwards to only buy vegan, ethical products for my friend that I know she will use. She hasn't reciprocated this and has instead bought me something she would like, not me.

AIBU or just truthful? My DH understands why I am put out but I feel really ungrateful - if anything I'm more annoyed that this gift will go unused and my friend will have ultimately wasted her money.

OP posts:
OhNoItsADalek · 30/12/2020 18:38

@FrostyChocolateMilkshake

Well. The news you have all been waiting for.

I've opened the chocolate (it is like a brownie, with chocolate on top).

BLOODY DELICIOUS!!

Will cut bits up and post them to the nice PPs on here Wink Grin

Wow that's great news OP Grin.

I wonder if all those 'vegan chocolate is gross!' posters are going to make a return now Grin.

Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 18:39

@MyGhastIsFlabbered

If you don't like them OP you can send them to me!

If you went to her house for a meal you wouldn't expect her to cook meat for you would you? Even if she wasn't going to eat it herself? Because that would be contributing to the meat industry. This isn't any different, except it's the dairy industry.

@MarkRuffaloCrumble please can I have your cake recipe - it sounds amazing

I absolutely wouldn't expect her to cook meat. But there is a difference between handling raw flesh and sending a box of chocolates via post?

However, the chocolate is delicious so I really need to cease my moaning Wink I'll have a look at the packaging and let you know what brand it is.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 30/12/2020 18:39

@FrostyChocolateMilkshake

Well. The news you have all been waiting for.

I've opened the chocolate (it is like a brownie, with chocolate on top).

BLOODY DELICIOUS!!

Will cut bits up and post them to the nice PPs on here Wink Grin

We waited 11 pages for this 😆
1Morewineplease · 30/12/2020 18:39

I get what you're saying. Maybe try the chocolate and see.
I'm just sorry to see such militantism on this rather innocuous thread.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 30/12/2020 18:40

you're a really good sport OP. Great to read a post in AIBU that is taken so well when overwhelmingly the answer is YES YOU BLOODY ARE (were)

Now I want chocolate. Thanks :)

NorbertMeubles · 30/12/2020 18:40

I don't care if you like the chocolates or not but you are very ungrateful and no friend.

Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 18:40

@ohnoitsadalek haha, yes, they likely will.

I am all for trying new things but the point I was trying to get at was that I basically thought my friend was trying to push her beliefs on me...by sending me chocolate....

I now know how ridiculous that sounds!!

OP posts:
EileenGC · 30/12/2020 18:42

That's good news OP!

Please make sure to tell your friend you've actually enjoyed the chocolate. I'm sure she'll appreciate it and maybe you get to try more yummy vegan things going forward. I say this as a non-vegan Smile

NameChange84 · 30/12/2020 18:42

As a lactose free Coeliac disease sufferer YANBU. “Free From” chocolate tastes vile. A lovely friend sent me an expensive free from advent calendar from one of the best brands of gluten and dairy free chocolate. It was so awful that I binned the rest after the 3rd day. Waste of calories.

pinfloy · 30/12/2020 18:43

Meanwhile these same people will be happily eating a McDonalds apple pie and a beef pot noodle blissfully unaware

Neither of those products are vegan and gluten free. For me personally, vegan on it's own I wouldn't be sceptical about, vegan AND gluten free is far less likely to be delicious and often not worth bothering with. Luckily in this case it turns out not to be the case.

VinylDetective · 30/12/2020 18:43

@FrostyChocolateMilkshake, you’re a star. We need more posters like you. Enjoy your delicious chocolates. What brand are they?

Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 18:43

@NorbertMeubles

I don't care if you like the chocolates or not but you are very ungrateful and no friend.
No need for that nastiness whatsoever- you don't know me or know what I do for my friends. You have no idea what I am going through in my personal life, what I am like as a person. Are you telling me I am the only person in the entire WORLD who has ever been a bit put out by a present? Hmm

Take your rudeness and move along please, there's been a lot of abuse on this thread and it is unnecessary.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 18:45

[quote VinylDetective]@FrostyChocolateMilkshake, you’re a star. We need more posters like you. Enjoy your delicious chocolates. What brand are they?[/quote]
Why thank you. That is very kind. I just cannot believe some of the abuse I've received on here. Quite shocking really.

I will check the packaging and get back to you. Although I think it is "My Goodness" or something similar. Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 18:46

@EileenGC

That's good news OP!

Please make sure to tell your friend you've actually enjoyed the chocolate. I'm sure she'll appreciate it and maybe you get to try more yummy vegan things going forward. I say this as a non-vegan Smile

I will definitely be messaging my friend later! I'll be eating these all night now and getting fatter by the minute! Very nice indeed; I was wrong to be judgemental.
OP posts:
KihoBebiluPute · 30/12/2020 18:46

Veganism isn't something you switch off when buying something for a non-vegan. No vegan would buy any non-vegan gift for any non-vegan friend. Vegan chocolate is chocolate. Yes it doesn't taste quite the same as non-vegan chocolate - this is because non-vegan dark chocolate often has a little bit of milk-derived additives put in to disguise poor-quality base ingredients (even if not described as milk chocolate), whereas vegan chocolate tends to be made with better quality base ingredients as they can't cheat with additives in the same way. The different taste is due to the better quality.

If you can't respect your vegan friend's right to live in accordance with her beliefs, and expect her to buy you a non-vegan gift in conflict with her own ethics, then you aren't actually her friend at all and should stop pretending, she will be better off without you.

OhNoItsADalek · 30/12/2020 18:47

@pinfloy

Meanwhile these same people will be happily eating a McDonalds apple pie and a beef pot noodle blissfully unaware

Neither of those products are vegan and gluten free. For me personally, vegan on it's own I wouldn't be sceptical about, vegan AND gluten free is far less likely to be delicious and often not worth bothering with. Luckily in this case it turns out not to be the case.

They aren't gluten free but they are vegan....and eaten by people who would no doubt turn their noses up and go 'eww' at food that is labelled vegan...
OhNoItsADalek · 30/12/2020 18:48

@NameChange84

As a lactose free Coeliac disease sufferer YANBU. “Free From” chocolate tastes vile. A lovely friend sent me an expensive free from advent calendar from one of the best brands of gluten and dairy free chocolate. It was so awful that I binned the rest after the 3rd day. Waste of calories.
The OP has already tried the chocolates and she really likes them. Keep up Grin
Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 18:48

@2018SoFarSoGreat

you're a really good sport OP. Great to read a post in AIBU that is taken so well when overwhelmingly the answer is YES YOU BLOODY ARE (were)

Now I want chocolate. Thanks :)

Haha, thank you. Some really nice comments (yours included) coming through here amongst all the nastiness. I was in two minds whether to post on here- I guess I should have donned my tin hat for the occasion!

P.s I'll send you some of these Grin

OP posts:
TheOneLeggedJockey · 30/12/2020 18:49

@NorbertMeubles

I don't care if you like the chocolates or not but you are very ungrateful and no friend.
Pro tip: it really helps if you at least read the OP’s posts on the longer threads, otherwise you can just end up looking a bit silly. In fact, you can come off looking worse than the OP you’re misguidedly berating. Smile
CorianderBee · 30/12/2020 18:49

You wouldn't eat dark chocolate?

That's fair enough but if it's just because it's labelled vegan that's a bit odd. She wouldn't buy you something not-vegan because that would mean she is funding an industry she is ethically against.

You're not ethically against vegan products so that's why you're happy to buy them for her. It just doesn't work the same the other way around.

Perfect28 · 30/12/2020 18:51

Hate to break it to you but chocolate is vegan. If you prefer milk or white chocolate then you can't really say you like chocolate at all, but rather sugary milky versions of.

Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 18:51

@KihoBebiluPute

Veganism isn't something you switch off when buying something for a non-vegan. No vegan would buy any non-vegan gift for any non-vegan friend. Vegan chocolate is chocolate. Yes it doesn't taste quite the same as non-vegan chocolate - this is because non-vegan dark chocolate often has a little bit of milk-derived additives put in to disguise poor-quality base ingredients (even if not described as milk chocolate), whereas vegan chocolate tends to be made with better quality base ingredients as they can't cheat with additives in the same way. The different taste is due to the better quality.

If you can't respect your vegan friend's right to live in accordance with her beliefs, and expect her to buy you a non-vegan gift in conflict with her own ethics, then you aren't actually her friend at all and should stop pretending, she will be better off without you.

Oh dear, another one who hasn't read all my responses Wink I do respect my friend and her beliefs. I have strong beliefs of my own. I'm beginning to sound like a broken record here but I understand now that I was being very judgemental and misunderstanding about the whole scenario. I've taken on board what people have said and realised I've been a bit of a twat. I've "given my head a wobble" (as Mumsnetters like to say) and readjusted my attitude. The chocolates are fabulous, if you must know. Smile
OP posts:
Perfect28 · 30/12/2020 18:52

Also why should she spend her money on something not vegan? She doesn't believe in supporting non vegan companies, with her money, that's fair enough!

Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 18:53

@TheOneLeggedJockey Pro tip: it really helps if you at least read theOP’sposts on the longer threads, otherwise you can just end up looking a bit silly. In fact, you can come off looking worse than theOPyou’re misguidedly berating.

Thank you for this. You shall be receiving some of this divine chocolate in the post Wink

OP posts:
OhNoItsADalek · 30/12/2020 18:53

I have a headache now.

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