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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Vegan gift.

531 replies

FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 17:11

It was my birthday over the Christmas period; my friend - who is quite the "militant vegan" - has sent me some chocolates through the post which is really lovely and thoughtful of her.

However upon opening the chocolate I have found that it is vegan and gluten-free. I am neither of these things. I'm grateful for the thought but sadly this gift will go to waste as it is not something I'd eat.

I probably sound massively ungrateful but I really do appreciate the thought - the only reason I'm a bit irked by it is because I bend over backwards to only buy vegan, ethical products for my friend that I know she will use. She hasn't reciprocated this and has instead bought me something she would like, not me.

AIBU or just truthful? My DH understands why I am put out but I feel really ungrateful - if anything I'm more annoyed that this gift will go unused and my friend will have ultimately wasted her money.

OP posts:
TheOneLeggedJockey · 30/12/2020 18:22

My first thought on reading the OP was that a principled vegan wouldn’t buy something with, e.g. dairy in it, for (I’d’ve thought) obvious reasons.

OP - she may have bought them for you because she genuinely thinks they taste really nice and wants you to try them. But even if you don’t enjoy them as much as your usual chocolates, I hope you won’t be churlish about them. I do think she just bought them primarily because she would never want to spend money on / support the dairy industry. Not because she’s trying to force her views on you, or convert you.

I say this as a full-on omnivore.

LivingOnAnIsland · 30/12/2020 18:22

You're being ridiculous and childish.

Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 18:22

[quote PerhapsOverlyWorried]@Ginfordinner yes I do, see above comment... absolutely rank. Or can’t you read?[/quote]
Hang on, do you mean something I have said? If so can I ask what was "absolutely rank"?

Or have I completely got the wrong end of the stick...

OP posts:
pinfloy · 30/12/2020 18:22

I think there's a world of difference between a gift from a 'free from' type range, and something that just happens to be vegan and gluten free.

Plenty of chocolate is not gluten free due to manufacturing processes so you do eliminate a lot of tasty things by choosing gluten free if not necessary. A lot of the chocolate mentioned here would not be labelled as gluten free, e.g. green and blacks (even if it doesn't contain any gluten products)

Ginfordinner · 30/12/2020 18:23

[quote PerhapsOverlyWorried]@Ginfordinner yes I do, see above comment... absolutely rank. Or can’t you read?[/quote]
You only said Vegan chocolate is absolutely rank
You didn't say you hated plain chocolate.

I really dislike parsnips, but I don't say that they are rank because I am not a child.

pourmeanotherglass · 30/12/2020 18:23

I'm not vegan, but most chocolate is gluten free, and my favourite dark chocolate is also vegan.
Are you not a fan of dark chocolate?

Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 18:23

@LivingOnAnIsland

You're being ridiculous and childish.
I'm not even going to explain myself again. If you read my PPs, you'd know I am not being ridiculous and childish.
OP posts:
JanewaysBun · 30/12/2020 18:24

I am dairy free
Plain chocolate is ok but fake milk chocolate etc is pretty rank. A lot of things like fake cheese makes me really unwell as the oil/nuts that are used in place of dairy really disagree with me. Have been this way since 2017 and just avoid dairy substitutes tbh.

She would have been better off sending some fancy nuts

Technonan · 30/12/2020 18:24

Vegans cannot buy non-vegan stuff. It's against their principles. Lots of ordinary food is vegan - as, for example, plain chocolate, as has been pointed out.

Swimmingiscancelled · 30/12/2020 18:24

Have you tried them - Booja- Booja choc are lovely!

inappropriateraspberry · 30/12/2020 18:25

Seems odd that you wouldn't try it, and ungrateful. She bought keeping to her values, just like buying free range eggs or organic food.
If you really don't want to try it, I'm sure a food bank would be grateful if gluten free treats.

jessstan1 · 30/12/2020 18:25

What do they taste like? I'm sure I have tasted the odd vegan delicacy in the past and it's been fine.

Brefugee · 30/12/2020 18:25

YABVU.
She's vegan - she doesn't want to purchase anything that contributes to something she disagrees with.

Just be gracious and eat them. Or tell her next time that you have to eat meat with every bite or you feel faint and tell her to buy you sausages.
Biscuit

PerhapsOverlyWorried · 30/12/2020 18:25

@Ginfordinner you realise vegan chocolate, including dark chocolate, is not plain chocolate right? Are you feeling a bit dense this evening? Or just purposefully taking offence at people who do find vegan chocolate, including dark chocolate, rank?

leafcar · 30/12/2020 18:25

Wow! YABVVVVVVVVVVU!

Have you once considered the reason behind veganism? It's to not support animal cruelty and not use animals for our own gain... why would you be annoyed someone bought you a gift that is ultimately the cruelty free version of what you'd buy yourself? Confused

If your friend is vegan, why should she go against her moral code to buy you a product from an industry she doesn't support (for very good reason!)?

You can't justify this with saying 'I go out of my way to make sure I buy her vegan things' as this is not the same thing. If you support non-vegan items anyway, it means nothing to you to buy the vegan version, it doesn't go against beliefs or code of ethics. It's a very different view point standing from the other side.

I can't understand why you think you have to waste it. Have you tried them? It's not like it's made of soil Hmm seriously need to grow up and stop acting like a toddler who won't try new things.

Ginfordinner · 30/12/2020 18:26

@FrostyChocolateMilkshake you didn't say it was rank. It was another poster.

DahliaMacNamara · 30/12/2020 18:26

I hope they turn out to be good, OP. I buy chocolates from a few independent chocolatiers and some of them have begun labelling certain ranges as vegan where they didn't before. One or two I think have changed their recipes slightly to do this, but others remain the same. It's quite normal for them to box up a vegan selection for that growing market, and it doesn't mean the chocolate is of inferior quality.

polkadotpjs · 30/12/2020 18:27

OP has shown how AIBU can actually work. She's had her mind changed. She may or may not like the chocolate (and I am overly invested in what it is and if they're nice now) but she's had and accepted a new viewpoint.
We aren't used to it that's all. It's like my DH when I agree with him. It confuses him

RichardMarxisinnocent · 30/12/2020 18:28

@PurpleDaisies

Lots of posh chocolate is accidentally vegan. Most chocolate doesn’t have gluten in it.

It sounds like you’re just being snotty here.

This. I'm not vegan but eat mainly dark chocolate (some posh some not!) which is vegan by accident rather than design. If it's fake milk chocolate then that's a bit different as it might well taste odd to someone not used to it. But not sure why you'd refuse to eat a bar of 70% dark chocolate just because it happens to be vegan and gluten free.
VanGoghsDog · 30/12/2020 18:28

Books Books chocs are the best chocs, being vegan is merely a bonus!

underneaththeash · 30/12/2020 18:29

It depends what’s in it though.
Lots of products labelled vegan and gluten-free are full of crap and I wouldn’t eat them either.

VanGoghsDog · 30/12/2020 18:29

Tut, thanks auto correct - Booja Booja

Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 18:29

@leafcar

Wow! YABVVVVVVVVVVU!

Have you once considered the reason behind veganism? It's to not support animal cruelty and not use animals for our own gain... why would you be annoyed someone bought you a gift that is ultimately the cruelty free version of what you'd buy yourself? Confused

If your friend is vegan, why should she go against her moral code to buy you a product from an industry she doesn't support (for very good reason!)?

You can't justify this with saying 'I go out of my way to make sure I buy her vegan things' as this is not the same thing. If you support non-vegan items anyway, it means nothing to you to buy the vegan version, it doesn't go against beliefs or code of ethics. It's a very different view point standing from the other side.

I can't understand why you think you have to waste it. Have you tried them? It's not like it's made of soil Hmm seriously need to grow up and stop acting like a toddler who won't try new things.

You don't know me. How do you know whether or not I "try new things"? Really weird thing to say.

I do not have a problem with the chocolate. It was the fact my friend bought me something that is more ideal for her. However I have realised the error in my ways and my friend probably bought me the chocolates as she doesn't want to support the dairy industry.

I've already explained all this and apologised for not acknowledging this before.

And I definitely WILL be trying the chocolates...and reporting back of course Wink

OP posts:
AnnaSW1 · 30/12/2020 18:29

But most dark chocolate is vegan.

VanGoghsDog · 30/12/2020 18:30

Maybe you remember the carob stuff of the past, OP? That really was horrible.