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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed in the toys aimed at girls?

217 replies

FrostedCranberries · 30/12/2020 13:12

My DD has a birthday coming up and shopping around for something aimed at her age group (5) I'm not very impressed.

Lego for girls is all in pink, Frozen or Troll themed. Theres makeup sets full of glitter and lipstick, LOL, bakery sets, hair dressing and baby crap. These are all toys in the aisle for girls.

The boys however have a choice of logical games, exciting Lego (police, vehicles and superheroes), coding games, building blocks, maths and science kits. Everything to get them ahead academically.

Why is this ok? And why isn't anyone doing anything about this? Are people really ok with raising their daughters to look pretty and be mummy first, whilst boys get a head start in problem solving leaving the girls to fall behind further perpetuating the stereotype that females are emotional and not logical?

I wanted to get her a lego police car to add to her box of legos but I felt a bit apprehensive as I wouldn't want her to not feel like she fits in with all the other girls.

OP posts:
Hohohole · 30/12/2020 13:27

I'm sorry but not buying her the police car because you "wouldn't want her to not feel like she fits in with all the other girls is" is the problem and you're making it.
Don't see toys as boys/girls toys, they are just toys.

madmara · 30/12/2020 13:27

There is no law saying you have to buy from the girl's aisle.

Who do you expect to do something about this (and what exactly would they do?) if you are not willing to buy your daughter a police car? The old saying it starts with the parents come to mind.

Godimabitch · 30/12/2020 13:29

Sounds like your doing this to yourself.

How are you determining which toys are for girls and which are for boys?

Just buy what's appropriate for you child. Does it have to say "a toy for girls" on it?

Godimabitch · 30/12/2020 13:29

Damn! You're *

Calmandmeasured1 · 30/12/2020 13:30

Just buy something from the boys' toys aisle then.

My DM is a bit of a rocker and her DD has been brought up dressed in clothes that are generally black or navy or dark red with Doc Marten-styled boots. She is now 4 and chooses everything pink, sparkly and glittery and is into make-up and unicorns and fairies. I don't like pink but do now buy it because that is what she wants.

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 30/12/2020 13:31

Do toy shops even have 'girls aisles' and 'boys aisles' any more? Last time I went in one they had a 'lego aisle' and a 'doll aisle' and a 'Marvel aisle' etc etc. But nothing that said they were for girls or boys.

(Other than the entertainer that is)

SeaglassSolstice · 30/12/2020 13:31

YANBU, though I'm surprised it's taken until your DD is nearly 5 to notice.

I just avoid the aisles of plastic pink stereotyped rubbish and buy gifts that they will enjoy. For what it's worth I also avoid the "boys" aisles for DS, who would have you believe that young boys only want light up vehicles, plastic dinosaurs and immitation weapons Hmm

Vote with your wallet. There are great toys out there, just avoid those you don't like Smile

lcdododo · 30/12/2020 13:33

You cannot be serious.

You do realise you can buy from any aisle in the shop?

paddyclampitt · 30/12/2020 13:33

Just buy "boys toys" if that's what she will enjoy. I had a boy first then a girl and my DD never played with girly crap.

Saying this, I thought they weren't allowed to label them boys toys and girls toys anymore?

TheFairyCaravan · 30/12/2020 13:33

I wanted to get her a lego police car to add to her box of legos but I felt a bit apprehensive as I wouldn't want her to not feel like she fits in with all the other girls.

You’re being ridiculous. In one breath you’re moaning about boy’s toys and girl’s toys then in the next breath you’re saying you won’t buy what she might like in case she won’t fit in. So which one is it? She’s 5 fgs. Who cares what the other girls think? DS2 was playing with dolls and nurses sets when he was 5. No one gave a shit.

firstimemamma · 30/12/2020 13:33

"I’ve voted YABU because although I agree that gendered toys are ridiculous, you’re buying into it by worrying about getting her a ‘boy’ toy. What do you want- a pink police car? Just buy what you think she’d enjoy."

@PatchworkElmer I couldn't agree more.

Op my 2 year old son loves tea parties and his friend who is a girl is obsessed with dinosaurs. I can promise you everything is fine and no eyebrows have been raised!

CrystalPuff · 30/12/2020 13:35

Playmobil, Timber Tots, Peppa Pig, Play Doh, Kinetic Sand are all great nice, non-gendered toys.

I kind of see what you mean, and I feel Lego has become stupidly gendered towards boys. When I was young all Lego sets were brightly coloured blocks and could be turned into anything you want. Now the packaging is all dark blue & black with spaceships, ninjas, racing cars, monsters and spiky Gundam robot type things. I don't buy them because the branding really turns me off as well.

IRememberMySpaceBabe · 30/12/2020 13:35

@Ifailed

Children don't label girl's or boy's toys, adults do.
Children do, because adults do. My DS was told he had a ‘girl’s coat’ by a classmate when he was in Reception because it was purple. The colours in toys aimed at girls and boys are very clearly coded and children pick up on that very quickly.

YANBU OP. Really annoys me too.

Milkshake7489 · 30/12/2020 13:37

YANBU in the sense that shops shouldn't gender toy aisles.

YABU to consider not buying your daughter fun toys she would like because 'she might not feel like she fits in with other girls' ... this is a terrible message to give her.

stayathomer · 30/12/2020 13:37

Try having a boy that enjoys arts and crafts- it definitely cuts both ways- same with teddies, there's much less out there for boys. It's an even problem that would be easily solved but they wont do it!

lunar1 · 30/12/2020 13:38

You have to see that it's you doing this to your daughter don't you?

I bought my niece classic Lego and Lego gears for Christmas she loves it. Amazon didn't ask about her sex when I made the purchase.

She also loves toys and clothes passed on from my boys.

Hm2020 · 30/12/2020 13:39

My son loves frozen so we buy him frozen stuff he also loves Disney villains and Batman and paw patrol he’s extremely popular with girls and boys in his school judging by the amount of party invites we get I just get him what he likes Confused

Crimeismymiddlename · 30/12/2020 13:39

Your the one gendering toys I think. Worked in a toy shop for years and the kids like what they like, in fact parents tended to buy in age more than anything ie stem based things for ten year olds, Spider-Man for three year olds and of course lego for all ages.

Duanphen · 30/12/2020 13:40

Call it the "Lego, puzzles and construction" toys aisle and the "dolls and makeup" aisle and then just don't go in one of them.

What would be a 'girls' puzzle game anyway? A pink version, or glitter? Kids don't need 'versions', just buy the toy you like. It isn't a 'boy's toy' even if some supermarket has shelved it that way. This is why shopping online is better. Things are arranged by type - 'construction', 'logic', 'art'. It stops you even thinking they're for one or the other.

GrandTheftWalrus · 30/12/2020 13:41

I got my daughter paw patrol, baby shark, lego etc for Christmas, all generic gifts as I just went onto the entertainer website and clicked 4+ and chose what I thought she would like.

On the other hand I did get her a big wooden peppa pig house. So that could be classed a girl toy or just a child's toy.

I'm not attempting to get her to play with either boys or girls toys. I just want her to play with toys.

Marchitectmummy · 30/12/2020 13:42

I think you are looking for issues where they do not exist, no one polices shat you choose to buy for your children. There may well be a pink aisle but it is your decision to buy them or not and your own prejudice thst says they are for girls, same with the Lego options, yes there are various types of sets but you can buy whichever you like, one of our girls loves star wars she has multiple sets or those.

Another of our daughters adores pink and we purchased a pink science kit for her last year, there were various to choose from.

In most toy shops games are all together, so why do you think they are gender specific, is a telescope just because they are grey? No of course not.

Kokapetl · 30/12/2020 13:42

As others have said, just get toys that look interesting and don't worry about whether they are aimed at boys or girls. I have one of each and they have always got a mix of Lego including the boy sometimes choosing Lego friends and the girl often choosing Harry Potter or city.

Also don't worry about your DD being left out at school or nursery. She won't be the only one with some "boy's" toys. Kids care about these things far less anyway. DD chose a dinosaur party for her 4th birthday party and DS a flower party for his 5th. Neither class of children even mentioned it as being unusual.

Subeccoo · 30/12/2020 13:42

My 18mth old dgd has just spent the morning dressing up with the christmas decorations but has also just opened an awesome set of building blocks and a racing car. She loves both, there is no such thing as gendered toys, just societal norm bollocks.

Locationunknown · 30/12/2020 13:43

Here is a helpful guide for buying toys for children.

To be disappointed in the toys aimed at girls?
Candiscophonous · 30/12/2020 13:44

I never noticed toys were gendered tbh. And often you can bypass the toy version altogether and get them something more satisfying. My (now teen) girls are a dab hand with power tools and have been since a young age when they attended carpentry classes. They are now totally empowered to copy whichever latest interior style they’ve seen on Instagram or wherever. One recently laid some flooring for her room after watching a YouTube tutorial.
Now equally... they grew up with more pink glittery stuff than you can imagine, but it didn’t affect their development. If they wanted to bake I bought baking equipment. If they want to learn electronics they got a bag of supplies from a hardware store.
They enjoyed ALL the toys! Don’t sweat it, waste of life. Police cars aren’t for boys lol, We had loads. Police cars, nerf guns , pirate ships, fairy dolls, neon pink swirly stuff. To kids it’s all just fun.