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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask when the broodiness went away for good?

145 replies

Goostacean · 30/12/2020 12:59

We’ve got two lovely children but literally since the moment DC2 was born, I’ve been broody for a third.

I’m certain I don’t want 4, and for various practical reasons (job, accommodation, cost) even 3 would be a push. Also, having two is hard work in itself! The baby is over 1 and I’m still up once a night every night. They’re boisterous, gorgeous children and I want to give them the best we can.

If you wanted 3 but stuck with 2, or even if you just have one fewer than you’d have liked, when did the broodiness go away?? Would love to be able to close the chapter and move on but I’m borderline obsessing over it and it’s been a LONG time.

OP posts:

Original poster

Goostacean · 30/12/2020 19:07

Hopeful bump...

OP posts:

IHateCoronavirus · 30/12/2020 19:09

I’m 40 and no longer broody. Up until about a year ago I feared I would always be fighting the urge to have babies.

herecomesfrog · 30/12/2020 19:10

I have no advice but had to laugh because I'm just the same as you. My second is only 6 weeks old and I'm already thinking "maybe three...?". Husband reckons I'm mad, I reckon I just need time to talk him round.

thepeopleversuswork · 30/12/2020 19:11

Sorry I really don't get this I'm afraid.

I've never understood broodiness and maybe this is tactless but can't you just learn to appreciate having two healthy kids and being able to provide adequately for them? I've never been able to understand why anyone with more than one healthy kid would "obsess" about having more. Enjoy the ones you've got and then enjoy your growing freedom.

Randomrebel · 30/12/2020 19:15

I had two very close together in my late 30’s. For me the broodiness lessened but kept resurfacing until my youngest was at school. I realised when one of DS’s friends mums told me she was pregnant and a
out the blue as I was congratulating her I thought thats lovely for you but I wouldn’t fancy nappies and sleepless nights now. So glad I didn’t have another as its been very hard work coping with two moody teenagers whilst also feeling menopausal and emotional myself.

ncbby · 30/12/2020 19:15

I think that is tactless honestly thepeopleversuswork. Why did you feel like you needed to say that?

Original poster

Goostacean · 30/12/2020 19:16

Not tactless at all- and I totally agree with you on a rational level. Why roll the dice again- risking my own health, issues for a potential child, upheaval for my other two, the cost, everything? Totally agree, but it’s like a biological urge.

I don’t even like being pregnant, and the baby stage is hard, but it’s almost like someone is missing when I watch the children playing. Maybe it’s psychological as I’ve been accidentally reinforcing it in my own mind for a year, but I can’t switch it off. But then I read about women who know they’re “done” and I wonder whether 3 would be enough and I’d feel the same way at that point??

OP posts:

An0n0n0n · 30/12/2020 19:16

Its biological. I never liked babies but always knew I would have them. My friend got pregnant and boom I wanted one. Decided to stop at one but because I still have 10+ childbearing years I think there will be that 'what if' for as long as there is the potential. Think about it, from childhood you look forward to growing up and having a family, then it happens and we never really have the next stage in mind so there is bound to be a weirdness around not having 'a purpose' to look forward to.

Original poster

Goostacean · 30/12/2020 19:16

Oops, cross post!

OP posts:

Randomrebel · 30/12/2020 19:17

As soon as I held each of my two in my arms immediately after giving birth I was absolutely overcome with love for them and I also wanted another one as I loved them so much.

SendHelp30 · 30/12/2020 19:21

I felt this way after DS1 and went on to have our 3rd. He is an absolute delight, slotted straight in and the minute they passed him to me I felt “complete”
I know it’s a huge cliche but I really just knew in that moment that we had our family unit and I’ve felt so content ever since. He’s 16 months now and the most easy going baby ever. He slotted straight into our life’s and completed us perfectly.
If you feel like you want a 3rd and you can afford it without jeopardising the lifestyle you can give your 2, go for it.

ThornAmongstRoses · 30/12/2020 19:22

I was so, so desperate for a third.

The bloodiness only left when my husband had a vasectomy - as I knew a 3rd baby could never happen it allowed me to move on from the idea.

RebeccaBristol · 30/12/2020 19:23

My broodiness went away when my youngest went to school. Life moved on at this point. The six month before she went to school I was desperate for a third, but hubby was always adamant he wanted to stop at 2 which is fair enough

thepeopleversuswork · 30/12/2020 19:27

ncbby

Sorry, I just genuinely really struggle to understand this -- I'm not trying to be tactless but I'm just really nonplussed by this attitude. And given that having multiple children is very expensive and environmentally damaging it seems perfectly reasonable to put it out there. I don't mean to offend the OP but the OP doesn't appear offended.

I've just never understood this longing for another baby when you've got multiple children already. One because surely you should understand that with multiple healthy kids you have been very lucky. Two because who would want to tie themselves down even further? I felt such an enormous feeling of relief getting out of the baby/toddler years I can't understand anyone wilfully going back to that lack of freedom and agency. And thirdly because having multiple children is environmentally disastrous and very costly.

I can't help feeling that "broodiness" is a bit of a social construct: its something women are expected to feel and generate it in their own heads quite a lot. While that's totally reasonable if you're childless or have one and really want a second it seems odd when you have two already.

Iwantafuckingbreak · 30/12/2020 19:32

After my 3rd, I'm 26 and 1000% do not want any more. Absolutely no broodiness left in me🤣 and if I'm completely honest while I love him dearly and hes the cutest thing ever, 3 IMO is 1 too many. I have found everything more difficult with 3 and completely outnumbered.

ncbby · 30/12/2020 19:33

I hear what you've said there, and I think in some circumstances you're right (the broodiness is not always "rational" or what's best for your livelihood). But I think there's also a genetic element to broodiness and also there are people who are just made to be mums. Sacrifices aren't necessarily sacrificial to the same extent if you're doing it for something you really love and enjoy, which for some people is raising children.

So I guess I can understand why you view it the way you do, but I don't like the mentality of "you have x amount of kids, why do you want more? You're ungrateful" etc, because I think it doesn't take into account the idea that people have different feelings to you and some people genuinely want kids more than they want other things in their life (high powered career, travel etc). It's all a matter of personal experience, and I wouldn't shame someone for not being broody or not wanting kids, so I think we should just do away with the judgement of women's choices and feelings.

Of course broodiness is not always a call to action, and it should be rationally thought out (I'm not arguing that by any means) but I can understand why women feel broody and that it's not necessarily always not appreciating what they have IYSWIM.

Moo678 · 30/12/2020 19:37

There’s nearly 7 yrs between my 2nd and 3rd child. It never went away during those years even though husband said he didn’t want a 3rd. He eventually changed his mind and I’m now pregnant with number 4! I really really hope it goes after this one as we will definitely be done after it. I love the baby and toddler stage so much though I worry that I’m always going to want a baby even though I have enough children!

BrightonForWine · 30/12/2020 19:38

@thepeopleversuswork

Sorry I really don't get this I'm afraid.

You don't understand bloodiness?

You don't understand the natural urge to procreate?

BrightonForWine · 30/12/2020 19:38

*broodiness

AuntyMabelandPippin · 30/12/2020 19:41

I'm 58. I'm still broody and it's 24 years since I had a baby.

I just love babies. I'd have another in a heartbeat.

TheNextCaroleMiddleton · 30/12/2020 20:03

As soon as I held my second my broodiness disappeared, thank goodness... being 39 and needing ICSI to get my two probably helped with the situation

DramaAlpaca · 30/12/2020 20:10

@AuntyMabelandPippin

I'm 58. I'm still broody and it's 24 years since I had a baby.

I just love babies. I'd have another in a heartbeat.

I could have written this, except I'm two years younger than you @AuntyMabelandPippin (love your name, used to love watching that show with my DC)

It's since menopause, now that I absolutely can't, that I've been broody.

After DS2 was born I just knew I'd have another. I had to work on DH just a bit, but we had a third and no regrets.

8lue8ird · 30/12/2020 20:13

I have been broody for ever and desperately wanted a fourth which would've been my husbands sixth so he quite sensibly put an end to that with a vasectomy. I'm 43 now and the broodiness faded about a year ago

FestiveStrop · 30/12/2020 20:14

For me, I was ravenous for another up to 3 years after each birth. Circumstances dictated otherwise and after my second I noticed I got less and less keen from about preschool age onwards.

I think it's hormone related and they can rage on for quite a while especially if BFing.

I'm glad now that it wears off in time, wouldn't want more DC.

AriesTheRam · 30/12/2020 20:17

The day after I had my ds

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