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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask when the broodiness went away for good?

145 replies

Goostacean · 30/12/2020 12:59

We’ve got two lovely children but literally since the moment DC2 was born, I’ve been broody for a third.

I’m certain I don’t want 4, and for various practical reasons (job, accommodation, cost) even 3 would be a push. Also, having two is hard work in itself! The baby is over 1 and I’m still up once a night every night. They’re boisterous, gorgeous children and I want to give them the best we can.

If you wanted 3 but stuck with 2, or even if you just have one fewer than you’d have liked, when did the broodiness go away?? Would love to be able to close the chapter and move on but I’m borderline obsessing over it and it’s been a LONG time.

OP posts:

Oliversmumsarmy · 31/12/2020 00:40

If I could get pregnant again I would.

I had a screwed up childhood and was warned not to have children as I wouldn’t cope. I didn’t start to have children till I was very late 30’s and I realised I really loved being a mother. I had 2 very close together and would have loved a 3rd, 4th and 5th but it didn’t happen.

I so regret not starting early.

The only thing I didn’t enjoy was the pregnancies. Spent most of them with my head down a toilet and the rest with chronic heartburn.

Wherehavetheteletubbiesgone · 31/12/2020 00:42

I've never been broody. I see the huge environmental damage having a baby has to the planet. Seriously the co2 emmisions from having a baby are huge. That said I suspect on a parenting forum prioritizing this might be a minority view.

openallthetime · 31/12/2020 00:46

I'm 41, nearly 42. Was a bit broody after DS was born but the last year or so it's really faded (had baby at 33)..

Littlewhitedove2 · 31/12/2020 00:48

For me it was age 4 onwards and it slowly fades. I was crazy broody even after 3 and a hard pregnancy. Several years on I’m quite glad I stopped at 3

danadas · 31/12/2020 00:56

I'm broodier than ever at the moment. I always wanted 4. Had two by 21 and then didnt have our third until 29. I am now 37 and very aware of my age which is why I think that potential number 4 is niggling away at me now.

The main thing putting me off is the thought of a teenager in my 50s, I found it hard enough now!

Ploughingthrough · 31/12/2020 01:32

I was broody on and off until DC2 was 5. After that it just disappeared tbh, I felt our life was joyful and relatively easy, I saw friends struggle with a third, l felt grateful for their health and the fact they generally get on. I am genuinely happy with my lot now and I am glad I never had another.

Original poster

Goostacean · 31/12/2020 06:35

@Jinglealltheway22’s comment that “Someone is always missing out” has really struck me. I’d never thought about it like that. When things get hard, DH and I can divide and conquer the two of them, but 3 would be very different.

OP posts:

KatyN · 31/12/2020 08:30

We always wanted two. We have two. My youngest is 5 and I was sterilised 3 years ago.

I still look at them and feel a bit broody

FippertyGibbett · 31/12/2020 08:31

I have one less than I wanted due to DH. The resentment and broodiness never goes.

Scaredykittycat · 31/12/2020 08:32

My friend wants 3 but is sticking with 2 for practical reasons. The broodiness hasn’t gone for her.

I wanted another until my second was 6 months and then I was over that idea. The broodiness has come and gone over the years but when it comes it doesn’t hang around. I am 100% done. Not ready for vasectomy yet though...?

Oliversmumsarmy · 31/12/2020 10:26

Interested to know how old people are who say they have never been broody. I think until you are past the menopause then the broodiness can hit you at any time

MsMiaWallace · 31/12/2020 10:32

After DS2 I remember looking at him in his Moses basket feeling broody as hell.
This went off a bit as the nappy stage etc went away until last year & DH mentioned having a 3rd.
Anyways DS3 is now 6 months old. He is an absolute dream & slotted right in.
Even though he's harder at night time than the other 2 there's no regrets.
The problem now is surprisingly I still don't feel done....

Dogsaresomucheasier · 31/12/2020 10:39

My youngest of 3 is 7, I’m mid forties and menopausal, but still broody. I’m secretly looking forward to one day being a granny.

alittleprivacy · 31/12/2020 11:20

My marriage pretty much fell apart at the end of my first pregnancy. So right from the birth of DS I knew another child was unlikely and there was often this real bittersweet edge to every milestone he came to, as I knew I wouldn't be experiencing any of it again. I was insanely broody. I absolutely love everything about motherhood and had always 'intended' to have 3 kids. None of which was helped as DS got older and was desperate for a sibling.

A couple of years ago I found skating and the broodiness went away. I'm pretty good at this for a sport I found at 40 and have had almost no proper training. I fully suspect that I'd have had the ability to be competitive and have spent a period of early adulthood as a professional if I'd been able to start as a kid. So now I just want to get as good at it as I possibly can as a middleaged skater. I have absolutely fuck all interest in having another child now. The thoughts of spending months off skates and then potentially years and years dealing with sleeplessness and breastfeeding on demand meaning I could hardly ever skate and wouldn't be able to skate well when I did have the chance, is hellish. I love motherhood, I love spending as much time as I can immersed in my DS's life. I love Santa Claus and the toothfairy and the Easter Bunny. And I'm sad that the day those are no longer part of our lives is growing closer. But I can now also look to to good in those days, as I'll have a lot more time for me and my hobby when DS is older and more independent.

Original poster

Goostacean · 01/01/2021 12:56

I really like your story, @alittleprivacy, although I’m sorry things haven’t worked out entirely as you’d have maybe liked. I have a lot on my plate currently and the idea of more me-time, being past the sleepless nights and frustration when they can’t crawl and all that is definitely appealing more and more.

I think if we went for a third (and I accept the comment upthread about potentially ending up with twins!) it wouldn’t be within the next 12 months so in a way it feels like: New Year, new me, lots to achieve, put the broodiness aside and focus on what I’ve got for the next year. Then reassess. Hopefully I will be able to put these thoughts from my mind soon and focus on the “here and now”...

OP posts:

StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff · 01/01/2021 13:46

I felt insanely broody after I had my second, if my DH had been on board we’d have TTC before our second’s first birthday. I think it was hormones raging etc.
Now DC2 is coming up to 3yo and things are getting easier and the broodiness is fading. I’m a very much ‘never say never’ but I don’t think I’d be disappointed if we stuck with 2

infinitediamonds · 01/01/2021 13:55

When the youngest got to about 4 and suddenly all sorts of things became possible again. Also I had horrible pregnancies and births and it's quite possible I would suffer long term health problems from a third pregnancy, so its easy to focus on that.

Tumbleweed101 · 01/01/2021 14:12

I think broodiness is biologically driven through hormones etc. Obviously you can be rational and override the feeling if circumstances don’t make having a baby wise but the feeling itself won’t necessarily go away for a while.

I’m in my 40’s and probably lost that feeling once my youngest started nursery. It has definitely gone now. I work in a nursery and I’m quite happy to have a cuddle without the worry of raising them. I can see that broody side in my younger colleagues though at times.

I’m quite content to wait and do the grandma stage if and when it happens.

OHolyTights · 01/01/2021 14:15

It has never gone for me, although it varies in intensity from time to time.

DipSwimSwoosh · 01/01/2021 14:34

At the traumatic birth of my third child.

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