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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask when the broodiness went away for good?

145 replies

Goostacean · 30/12/2020 12:59

We’ve got two lovely children but literally since the moment DC2 was born, I’ve been broody for a third.

I’m certain I don’t want 4, and for various practical reasons (job, accommodation, cost) even 3 would be a push. Also, having two is hard work in itself! The baby is over 1 and I’m still up once a night every night. They’re boisterous, gorgeous children and I want to give them the best we can.

If you wanted 3 but stuck with 2, or even if you just have one fewer than you’d have liked, when did the broodiness go away?? Would love to be able to close the chapter and move on but I’m borderline obsessing over it and it’s been a LONG time.

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 30/12/2020 20:21

I stopped being broody as soon as dd2 was born. I was lucky - we wanted 2 and got 2. I just felt we were complete as a family, whereas pretty soon after dd1 I couldn't wait to do it again!

Scbchl · 30/12/2020 20:23

Mine went when I had my third. Literally have no interest in even holding a baby these days.

LastChanceBalloon · 30/12/2020 20:23

I had DC2 at 31 and wanted a third straight away, but we had agreed on two and DH wasn’t keen on revisiting that decision. The broodiness was on and off in waves until I was about 38, 39 ish. I’m 44 now and definitely done. Glad we stuck at two, too! Teens are hard work!

TheGriffle · 30/12/2020 20:25

I have a 7 year old and a 3 year old. I’m 34. It’s taken me up till now since dd2 was born to realise I definitely do not want another.

I loved being pregnant, I loved having a little squishy baby but the thought of starting all over again with a 3rd fills me with dread.

Twospaniels · 30/12/2020 20:28

I’m 54 and my daughters are in their 20’s. If I could have another baby I would (not really). But maybe I’m broody for a grandchild now.

I should have had a third when youngest was about 2-3 yrs but didn’t want one at the time and as they got older the potential gap got bigger and so I didn't, but I wish I had had a third and possibly fourth.

Waiting for grandchildren now

Chicchicchicchiclana · 30/12/2020 20:30

About a month after the birth of second child.

MrsDeadlock · 30/12/2020 20:32

Ended literally the second DC2 was born. I was done. End of. DH could probably go for a third but I couldn't.

The minute DC2 grows out if something a baby needs, it's out of the house.

Remmy123 · 30/12/2020 20:32

Was broody until my 3rd - now I'm done

RedLimoncello · 30/12/2020 20:34

For me I think it's more the thought of the rush of excitement when I got that positive test each time, how lovely it was to think about a new baby and what he or she would be like, and now the sort of sadness of saying goodbye to that.

If I had an accidental pregnancy now though I'm torn, mentally, between imagining the feeling of thrilled excitement on the one hand, and then despair on the other at the impending sleepless nights, the absolute grind I found the baby stage, the huge amount it could take from the time I have with my existing DC.

So I feel the balance has tipped for me in the last year- I have two healthy girls and they are 4 & 6 and life is fairly lovely with them. I get to sleep at night mostly, and I have some time to cook dinners and potter while they play together; so overall I'm finding the broodiness is fading away naturally.

We're also considering getting a dog at some point in the next year which is helping too!

Didyousaynutella · 30/12/2020 20:36

I was Broody immediately after my second. I cried as I changed from the bassinet to a stroller on my bugaboo. I got my third and adore him but was less broody after that. Have to say is creeping back as he is two and a half and soo funny and cute at the moment I just want to freeze him in time. But I don’t want to go through the baby stage again . Am done. Plus I got lucky with my second two. They are both easygoing kids. If I got another one like my first ( health issues and a slightly manic temperament- totally adore him but he wears me out) I would be broken. So will stick at three.

Barmyfarmy · 30/12/2020 20:38

I thought I was done with DS4 who's 10mo. until about 4 months ago when I got hit with this wave of broodiness out of nowhere and practically pounced on DH. He'd be up for us having 10 more so I don't know if it was his broodiness rubbing off on me but I'm up the duff again so something was triggered! I love being pregnant and all the stages of childhood so there's nothing that would put me off. We're also financially, mentally and physically able to pop out more, I think the longing to have a big family wouldn't go away if we couldn't have one though.

YesPleaseMary · 30/12/2020 20:38

I knew I was done before Dd2 even made her entrance. I love babies, I loved the newborn and baby stage (I got two good sleepers) but I never felt like I wanted another. Having said that, I was very broody for no. 2 so maybe I stopped when I was meant to?
Couldn’t contemplate starting again tbh. Dd2 now at school, I’m just getting my life back!
Not to mention two pairs of Clarks... three would mean remortgaging the house (which is barely big enough anyway but it’s a roof and I don’t rent so I’m not complaining!)

cloudjumper · 30/12/2020 20:38

I wanted a third, but stopped after 2. It took me 2.5 years and 4 consecutive miscarriages to have DC2, and I was almost 44 when I had her. While I would have been up for it physically, I could not have coped with it mentally, and neither could DH (who categorically said no). It was the perfectly sensible decision, but I still ended up with depression because of it. Counselling and CBT helped. I'd say it took me about 2 years to make my peace with it and for the broodiness to subside... I still get pangs though, when I see the DC's baby photos (they are 9 and 5 now).

chaosisaladder · 30/12/2020 20:39

I’m pregnant with my third. An unplanned pregnancy. I would say I stopped being broody after the birth of DC2 so yay for me

Immrswhistledown · 30/12/2020 20:39

@thepeopleversuswork

Sorry I really don't get this I'm afraid.

I've never understood broodiness and maybe this is tactless but can't you just learn to appreciate having two healthy kids and being able to provide adequately for them? I've never been able to understand why anyone with more than one healthy kid would "obsess" about having more. Enjoy the ones you've got and then enjoy your growing freedom.

I agree.

MaidofKent78 · 30/12/2020 20:41

I was never really terribly broody, and was very much a 'one&done' pretty much the moment he was in my arms. 5 1/2 years down the line, I'm still happy with that.

KipperTheFrog · 30/12/2020 20:42

Before having DC I wanted 4.
After DD1’s traumatic arrival I didn’t want any more, until she was 18 months old.
DD2’s arrival was much more straightforward, but still had the immediate “no more”. Thought I’d get broody later, but she’s 3 now and I’ve never been broody since her arrival.
I do wonder “what if”, but no longing for it.
Genetically though, the human race as a species is programmed to reproduce. It’s only the pragmatic side of our brain over riding that that suppresses the desire.

NewCatMummy · 30/12/2020 20:42

Early 40s with three teenagers, a vasectomy and medication unsuitable in pregnancy here and I’m still broody. I’d love another few even though it’s completely impractical, unenvironmentally friendly and unaffordable. The biological urge is there despite logic!

Toffeefee23 · 30/12/2020 20:42

As soon as my first and only child was born

thepeopleversuswork · 30/12/2020 20:45

BrightonForWine

"You understand the natural urge to procreate?"

Of course I understand the urge to procreate or I wouldn't have procreated. But there's a huge difference between wanting to have one or two children, which many or most people have, and not being able to stop and being unable to given into the "urge".

I have huge sympathy for people who struggle to conceive etc but when people with two or more kids become "obsessed" with some drive to have even more I just think they need to have a bit of a word with themselves to be honest.

I don't think its "biological" to not be able to stop. I think its just lack of anything more creative to do or anything better to preoccupy themselves with, combined with a culture of being surrounded by other women egging them on. Shoot me, but I think people just need to learn to have a bit of gratitude and draw the line.

ncbby · 30/12/2020 20:46

I agree, I think you shouldn't facilitate children you don't have.

Maybe your post was misread but it seemed like you were questioning broodiness itself as a concept rather than women who repeatedly have children they can't afford or look after due to broodiness.

floorplanner · 30/12/2020 20:47

Broodiness completely vanished after dc3, when I was 34. I absolutely shudder at the thought of doing baby years again. Love newborns but know I don't enjoy the newborn stage at all.

Dc3 is brilliant fun and def feel finished now.

cloudjumper · 30/12/2020 20:48

@thepeopleversuswork

ncbby

Sorry, I just genuinely really struggle to understand this -- I'm not trying to be tactless but I'm just really nonplussed by this attitude. And given that having multiple children is very expensive and environmentally damaging it seems perfectly reasonable to put it out there. I don't mean to offend the OP but the OP doesn't appear offended.

I've just never understood this longing for another baby when you've got multiple children already. One because surely you should understand that with multiple healthy kids you have been very lucky. Two because who would want to tie themselves down even further? I felt such an enormous feeling of relief getting out of the baby/toddler years I can't understand anyone wilfully going back to that lack of freedom and agency. And thirdly because having multiple children is environmentally disastrous and very costly.

I can't help feeling that "broodiness" is a bit of a social construct: its something women are expected to feel and generate it in their own heads quite a lot. While that's totally reasonable if you're childless or have one and really want a second it seems odd when you have two already.

You can't rationalise broodiness. And you also can't generalise that only because you are so happy to get away from the baby/toddler stage, everyone would feel the same. I find your comments very patronising and borderline offensive.

Mrsmadevans · 30/12/2020 20:49

I was always desperate for more Dc yet when l started the menopause the broodiness vanished. I don't even want grandchildren , it was a huge relief l can tell you

Octoblockswim12345678swim · 30/12/2020 20:50

It's the idea of a third child, with their own unique personality, likes/dislikes etc that I can't let go of at the moment. I don't particularly like being pregnant, nor am I a massive new born fan, but the point at which they start to really develop their own characters has me hooked. I'm currently breastfeeding, so hoping as a PP has said that when this ends I'll come round to not having a third. Physically, mentally and financially it's not a good idea and yet.....

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