Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 ··· 17 18

Original poster

To be confused by the rude email

437 replies

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/12/2020 22:52

I got married in a lovely church on the 19th and the ceremony was beautiful. 4 days before the wedding we received the invoice through the post with details of how to pay by cheque. The invoice did say that payment should be made prior to the wedding. As we don’t use cheques, dp (now DH) contacted the church treasurer to ask for the bank details. He emailed them over and said that he would amend the invoice. This was on the 16th. DH wanted to confirm the bank details before we sent the transfer over (as a fraud protection measure- as emails can be intercepted etc) so we waited for the invoice to arrive. Nothing further was mentioned and we had the ceremony, a short honeymoon followed immediately by Christmas.
On Boxing Day DH emailed the church as we hadn’t received a new invoice, asking if we could confirm verbally the details for payment. The vicar responded to say that this should have been paid before the wedding and that we could drop cash off at the rectory. DH explained that we had only actually received the invoice on the 15th and we had requested a new invoice as we wanted confirmation of the bank details. As the church wanted payment we transferred the money there and then.

The church treasurer has emailed to say he had needed to ‘calm down’ because he was so angry. He insinuated that we were ridiculous to want verbal or posted confirmation of the bank details and said that he had never agreed to send a new invoice out. He said it was unreasonable that we had taken ten days to pay (those ten days included our wedding, honeymoon and Christmas). He said that his son was Vice President of cyber security for a bank and we did not need to confirm the bank details in an email. His tone was really abrupt and I was really upset tbh, we were happy to pay well in advance, but the church sent the invoice out very late, with incorrect details. We made a payment when WE chased it on Boxing Day and that payment would have cleared faster than a cheque would have done.
AIBU to think we should have had longer to pay an invoice - the invoice arrived on the 15th and we didn’t have the bank details emailed until the day after and we were then waiting for the amended email to arrive. I don’t know if I’ve explained it very well - but I feel like the unnecessarily rude tone, when we’ve now already paid, is upsetting and casts a shadow over a lovely day. DH works for a bank and is probably extra cautious regarding cyber security but I think he was right to ask for verbal or posted confirmation before we sent over a large amount of money.

OP posts:

that1970shouse · 30/12/2020 03:06

You were extremely unreasonable. You knew it should be paid IN ADVANCE. You did not pay it in advance. The cyber security is a red herring. Yes you should take care to confirm the account details but you did not make sufficient effort to do that. It was well publicised in the media that Royal Mail was struggling with the Christmas post and therefore even if they had put another invoice in the post, you should have assumed it would not arrive in time and therefore made other arrangements. This is all on you.

MayDayFightsBack · 30/12/2020 03:43

There are some very unpleasant and naive people on here. I work in finance and transfer money to all sorts of organisations and accounts daily. No way would I ever pay anyone if they sent me bank details by email only. Anyone who would do that is stupid, so take no notice at all of those who have sneered at you for being careful, they are wrong. If organisations want to be paid within a certain timeframe they need to send their invoices in a timely manner and make sure their bank details are on them. Just because this was a church doesn’t excuse them and this sort of behaviour from church volunteers doesn’t surprise me at all, frankly. I’ve never met a church volunteer who wasn’t sanctimonious and unpleasant, I’m sure there must be some but I think they are few and far between.

I would have been very annoyed at that email and would write back saying you didn’t appreciate the angry and unChristian tone of the treasurer’s reply and thought it was uncalled for in the circumstances. That it was an honest mistake which you had tried to rectify as quickly as possible and there was no need for such an email.

Then think no more about it.

MayDayFightsBack · 30/12/2020 03:46

@titan89

Most church stuff where I am from is an envelope of cash. Maybe you missed a trick? Those vicarages/priests houses rely on that for extras, not to go through official books.

I sincerely hope not as this is tax fraud - though it really wouldn’t surprise me. My view of churches and their ethical behaviour is very, very low.

Oreservoir · 30/12/2020 04:00

@MayDayFightsBack absolutely.
I'm always ultra cautious about transferring money. Once it's sent it's hard to get back.
Sometimes with large amounts I just send a £1 and then when it's confirmed I send the rest. Probably not possible with church accounts.

MayDayFightsBack · 30/12/2020 04:13

@Orereservoir I often do that too with my personal finances as it’s much safer than just sending a large amount of money into the ether. It is getting easier and safer now that the banks often check the details that you’ve input match the details of the account they hold though.

LondonerRandomName · 30/12/2020 04:26

Work in insurance/law. Our accounts department wouldn't authorise payment of invoice to a new account unless it is checked over phone (and that is one of the security measures). The guy was an idiot and a novice. Email hackings are rife. You were correct to check.

loubieloo4 · 30/12/2020 04:30

Forget about it now it's all sorted.

When we got married the vicar spoke to dh as he got to the church and mentioned he had received payment (had us mixed up with the couple getting married after us). We were very young (18) and poor! Dh had the £400 in his pocket but decided it was best to be honest in the church on your wedding day and handed over the cash. The vicar was very surprised and admitted most people would probably have walked away! Still happily married 22 years later.

MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee · 30/12/2020 04:37

Try to forget about it and move on. You could have done more to get it paid before the ceremony, but not sure that it matters much in the grand scheme of things !

EagleFlight · 30/12/2020 04:53

You were right to check and there was no need for anyone to be rude to you about it, but I think you could have been a lot more proactive about sorting the issue out. It’s done now, I would send back an apology for the misunderstanding and then put it behind you. I’m sure you’ve got many much better recent memories to focus on. Congratulations on your wedding.

Grapewrath · 30/12/2020 05:18

The church massively over reacted to your caution. Take no notice and move on

wellthatsunusual · 30/12/2020 05:24

There are an awful lot of very naïve people on this thread. I make payments in my job and always have to check bank account details separately before paying into an account for the first time, it's one of the things that our internal audit recommended a few years ago after a similar organisation to ours lost hundreds of thousands of pounds to fraud when an email was intercepted. You'd be amazed how often I contact a supplier to check the bank account only to find that what is on the invoice isn't correct at all. Sometimes it is due to fraud, sometimes they have made a mistake. Obviously if they've made a mistake then it would be their problem to fix, but if five minutes of someone's time can prevent the payment going astray in the first place surely it is in everyone's interests.

Ritascornershop · 30/12/2020 05:30

I think it’s very unprofessional of the church person to say he has to “calm down”. You’re a bit late in paying, surely that’s not the first time that’s happened! That person needs to take things in their stride a bit more.

ThePawtriarchy · 30/12/2020 06:04

@bluessinger

small world, DH trains in Cyber Security and Church treasurer's son is a Bank VP of Cyber Security. too much cyber not enough communicating, should have just paid . Take it you are not regular churchgoers, could have sorted it after service

By the judgemental comments it’s easy to tell who is.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/12/2020 06:21

@titan89

Most church stuff where I am from is an envelope of cash. Maybe you missed a trick? Those vicarages/priests houses rely on that for extras, not to go through official books.

Seems unlikely as their preferred method of payment was by cheque.

80sColourfulChristmas · 30/12/2020 06:42

@Candyfloss99

Why did you not pay by cash on the day of the wedding?

Are you serious?! Walking up the aisle carrying a bundle of cash?!?!

DidTheEndOfMySentence · 30/12/2020 06:44

Storm in a teacup, my dear. Could you have done something more proactive in hindsight? Sure. Could the treasurer have behaved better or more proactively? Sure.

I like the suggestion of the poster who said to send a bottle of wine (or chocolates of not a drinker) with a brief note apologising for the confusion. Not because you've committed any great wrong but to smooth over ruffled feathers, demonstrate that you are of course not a chancer, and treasure yourself that you've done all you can to make it right which will hopefully help you let it go. Congratulations!

Onetimenamechanger · 30/12/2020 06:53

@Farontothemaddingcrowd

My tone in an AIBU post is obviously different to my tone in an email to the treasurer. I was really apologetic in the email. But I don’t think my tone is too awful here. I have tried to take on board what posters have said and I’ll just apologise and move on

To be honest your tone is bad here too. I would be annoyed too if you missed a payment by 10 days. Should have hot you with a late payment fee. I would think you were trying to drag your heels making payment. If you ask someone for bank details and they send them and then you don’t make the payment it looks like you are avoiding bill. Treasurer probably stressed as he couldn’t contact you while on honeymoon, he probably thought you were spending the £620 you were due to pay 10 days ago !

Onetimenamechanger · 30/12/2020 06:54

‘Hot ‘^ should be ‘hit’

80sColourfulChristmas · 30/12/2020 06:55

@SarahAndQuack Time of the month?

BackwardsGoing · 30/12/2020 06:55

YANBU. No way would I pay an invoice based on bank details given over the phone. If the money went astray you would have no comeback.

Don't give it a second thought.

Onetimenamechanger · 30/12/2020 06:56

Churches don’t pay tax anyway do they?

fishonabicycle · 30/12/2020 06:57

Emails are the weak link in the chain! A send one wouldn't be any more secure than the first.

BackwardsGoing · 30/12/2020 06:59

@BackwardsGoing

YANBU. No way would I pay an invoice based on bank details given over the phone. If the money went astray you would have no comeback.

Don't give it a second thought.

Should have said phone or email.

ElizaLaLa · 30/12/2020 07:05

He's right and you were being ridiculous.

RedHelenB · 30/12/2020 07:06

Is it just me thinking that as your dh works in a bank you could have got a bank cheque to give the Church before the wedding.YABU.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 ··· 17 18