To be confused by the rude email

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I got married in a lovely church on the 19th and the ceremony was beautiful. 4 days before the wedding we received the invoice through the post with details of how to pay by cheque. The invoice did say that payment should be made prior to the wedding. As we don’t use cheques, dp (now DH) contacted the church treasurer to ask for the bank details. He emailed them over and said that he would amend the invoice. This was on the 16th. DH wanted to confirm the bank details before we sent the transfer over (as a fraud protection measure- as emails can be intercepted etc) so we waited for the invoice to arrive. Nothing further was mentioned and we had the ceremony, a short honeymoon followed immediately by Christmas.
On Boxing Day DH emailed the church as we hadn’t received a new invoice, asking if we could confirm verbally the details for payment. The vicar responded to say that this should have been paid before the wedding and that we could drop cash off at the rectory. DH explained that we had only actually received the invoice on the 15th and we had requested a new invoice as we wanted confirmation of the bank details. As the church wanted payment we transferred the money there and then.

The church treasurer has emailed to say he had needed to ‘calm down’ because he was so angry. He insinuated that we were ridiculous to want verbal or posted confirmation of the bank details and said that he had never agreed to send a new invoice out. He said it was unreasonable that we had taken ten days to pay (those ten days included our wedding, honeymoon and Christmas). He said that his son was Vice President of cyber security for a bank and we did not need to confirm the bank details in an email. His tone was really abrupt and I was really upset tbh, we were happy to pay well in advance, but the church sent the invoice out very late, with incorrect details. We made a payment when WE chased it on Boxing Day and that payment would have cleared faster than a cheque would have done.
AIBU to think we should have had longer to pay an invoice - the invoice arrived on the 15th and we didn’t have the bank details emailed until the day after and we were then waiting for the amended email to arrive. I don’t know if I’ve explained it very well - but I feel like the unnecessarily rude tone, when we’ve now already paid, is upsetting and casts a shadow over a lovely day. DH works for a bank and is probably extra cautious regarding cyber security but I think he was right to ask for verbal or posted confirmation before we sent over a large amount of money.

She knew how much to pay to whom and by when. You put the payment ref in to identify you and the wedding and you pay. It's really simple.*

This. Everything else is rationalizing.

Why not take the fees in cash on wedding day and hand to vicar with a copy of the invoice??

@SarahAndQuack

Translation: 'I am so important - I work in London doncha know! - I can't pick up the keys, even if they could be collected locally. Someone else must drop them into my hand! I am so very, very important that I pressed the issue. The local vicar was embarrassed for me.'

I did offer to collect them, as you will see if you read my post properly and the solution also involved me collecting keys from the vicarage on Saturday morning. I am not "very important", and I do not expect people to dance attendance upon me. If I was I could have done as I pleased. I wouldn't have been in fear of my boss sacking me for failing to attend work on Friday because I needed to collect church hall keys in a prescribed one hour window that I knew nothing about until two days prior. HTH.

@ThatsNotTheTeaHunty

some people don’t know how invoice fraud works

And some people don't understand about paying prior to their wedding but the rock up to the wedding and have their day anyway.

YABU and was wasting time.

Have to agree with this.

There seem to be an awful lot of MNers with very firm ideas of what ‘Christian behaviour’ looks like. Presumably we should now add to this list the providing of a legal service without any prior payment.

If you wish to regard the church as a business then please do let me know which other businesses in the wedding industry were open to take phone calls from their customers on Boxing Day.

[quote WhereverIGoddamnLike]@SarahAndQuack

The church is very much a business. Only an idiot would think otherwise.

They wax about the evils of zero-hour contracts, but they hire staff and give them zero hour contracts. They drag Amazon through the mud for paying tiny taxes, yet they have massive investments in Amazon in order to grow their wealth. I could go on if you like?

The church may do a lot of good with their money, but they are a giant business and the are not always ethical or upfront about what they do.[/quote]

Well said.

@SilverBirchWithout

To be honest, I suspect the vicar was a bit peeved about a phone call on Boxing Day. Christmas is such a busy time for vicars, even with Covid restrictions, and Boxing Day is the first time they can actually sit down and relax with family after a very very busy few weeks.The last thing he wanted was a call about this on his first day off I suspect he had words with the treasurer about not sorting this out before the weddings, and the treasurer felt embarrassed and no doubt was upset. Just move on now, send a card thanking them for making your day special and apologising for your part in the payment delay.

Agree with all this. I can’t quite believe you phoned the vicar on Boxing Day.

I didn’t phone anyone. I told DH that we should just pay and I would take that risk given that there had been a misunderstanding. Thanks all, I am going to try to step away now as I can’t sleep when I get anxious and I can see rationally that it doesn’t matter now.

Congratulations on your marriage.

I know you won;t be replying further, but if you do read this then I'd say, just move on, sounds like a big misunderstanding and it's sorted now.

Try and leave it now, the person that emailed was very rude to speak to you so nastily.

YANBU. It is very clear... " As we don’t use cheques, dp (now DH) contacted the church treasurer to ask for the bank details. He emailed them over and said that he would amend the invoice."

So he should have sent you the amended invoice, surely.

As a Christian, I'm embarrassed that a church behaved in that way.

Jeez couldn’t get too upset over this. It’s actually kinda funny - ohh I had to calm down I was so angry 😂 he got his bloody money didn’t he? Everything is paid for - he isn’t chasing for it! It was a misunderstanding ! I’d laugh it off and move on

Try not to give it too much thought. It was ultimately a misunderstanding and the treasurer is very likely an elderly man who is the only one daft enough to volunteer. They aren't necessarily the most gracious or clear. Knowing how these things work I can understand why he thought you were unreasonable, but you don't know how it works, and him getting furious is also unreasonable. Let it go and try not to think about it.

I would just forget about it tbh and enjoy your new married life.

The church treasurer has emailed to say he had needed to ‘calm down’ because he was so angry.

Totally ridiculous. Anyone who gets "angry" over a payment issue taking a few days longer than expected shouldn't be anywhere near a treasury.. especially at a church!

You were wrong. There's no way I would have had the nerve not to pay in advance of the ceremony. Very cheeky and nothing that can be said now as you were so clearly in the wrong, they told you off, end of story.

I don't understand why the bank account details had to be confirmed if they had already sent you an email with them? I often pay for auction site purchases to the bank account details sent to me by the seller without needing further confirmation. You should have paid on the original email. However, the matter is now settled so why are you so fixated on it?

You were BU. Churches are not businesses sending invoices out weeks in advance with bank details and payment terms, it wasn’t unusual to receive their basic document a few days before wedding with prompt payment pre ceremony expected. They have basic financial capabilities, hence requesting cheque in first instance. You requested bank details, that caused a further delay, you then wanted these double confirmed which you could’ve done yourself over the phone, and because these requests weren’t immediately met you thought it was acceptable for the church to wait for their money.
Churches were closed for so long this year missing out on months of donations, they shouldn’t have had to wait for their money from you.

I don't understand why the bank account details had to be confirmed if they had already sent you an email with them?

Because no-one has ever typoed before. Shocks me how many people would pay big sums without having two copies of the details first.. you'd be lucky to get your money back if you sent to the wrong account.

[quote honeylulu]@SarahAndQuack

Translation: 'I am so important - I work in London doncha know! - I can't pick up the keys, even if they could be collected locally. Someone else must drop them into my hand! I am so very, very important that I pressed the issue. The local vicar was embarrassed for me.'

I did offer to collect them, as you will see if you read my post properly and the solution also involved me collecting keys from the vicarage on Saturday morning. I am not "very important", and I do not expect people to dance attendance upon me. If I was I could have done as I pleased. I wouldn't have been in fear of my boss sacking me for failing to attend work on Friday because I needed to collect church hall keys in a prescribed one hour window that I knew nothing about until two days prior. HTH.[/quote]
Ah, I'm so sorry: what you meant was, you're so important you should be able to call the shots about collecting keys. You mention how important your work in London is, so people should know to understand they must make allowances for you.

How do you not see how arrogant this is? Any normal person would ask when they could collect keys and negotiate an arrangement. If you were unable to collect the keys at the right time, you should have terminated the agreement, rather than assuming everyone would bend over backwards for you.

I don't understand why there needed to be confirmation of the bank details by invoice when they had been emailed. And I don't understand why, if you wouldn't be happy to pay with emailed details, you accepted them emailing them when you contacted them. Why didn't you call and ask for them over the phone or email back and make ot clear you would not pay until you received the invoice or had the details confirmed over the phone? I do understand how it could come across that you were just taking advantage of the situation to pay late. I personally, if I knew payment had to be made before the wedding, would've paid when I received the email or, if I had genuine concerns, would've called to pay/confirm details and made it clear via email I wanted to do that. I would've chased it. Worst case I would've brought cash to the wedding or paid via my phone on the day.

If I didn't have a chequebook (there are a few situations where they come in really handy), I'd have gone into my bank, and asked them to make out a bankers draft.

Posted too soon.

I know it isn't always easy to get to a branch, but for weddings you have to do a lot of running around anyway, and I would feel like I was the one being awkward, not having a chequebook, so would have done my best to sort it out to suit them.

Congratulations on your wedding, and try to forget about it. I think it was just poor communication and misunderstandings. They've been paid now, and you're married!

Most church stuff where I am from is an envelope of cash. Maybe you missed a trick? Those vicarages/priests houses rely on that for extras, not to go through official books.

Maybe that's why they are cross, not you fault OP.

YABU

This seems like a stalling tactic. You didn’t actually need the new invoice to pay the bill.

I personally would have felt really uneasy going ahead with a ceremony that I hadn’t paid for but it doesn’t seem to have spoiled your day and it sounds like the vicar acted professionally despite not being paid so I think you’ll have to chalk this one down to experience. There was no need for the treasurer to be rude but really, it’s good form to do everything you can to pay on time.

Move on?

Invoice paid.

Wedding past.

Why let a single email "cast a shadow" over your day?

IMO, you ABU. You should have made this payment before your wedding. There was no reason for a second invoice. Waiting 10 days is unfair.

BrideZilla.