To think step-children get a hugely bad deal

[w0rkout]

My thread is being deleted. This thread is hopefully a place to talk about how rubbish it is being a step child.

But @ImDoingMe I did that.

I am dating now, with a lovely man, but we don’t live together because I wanted my kids up and away.

My kids still have a step mother and step siblings.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken I hope you resolve your issues about Christmas.
We have worked it out fine our end. My daughter doesn't bat an eyelid whe she sees her step brother get £££ more and him either when he sees she gets more presents at our house (because he has had his already).
Venom; slight over reaction.

My mum was a single parent though I never remember going without. Met my step dad who had a good job and we were at theme parks/zoo/day out, most weekends. We went abroad atleast twice a year, lots of UK holidays throughout the year. I was spoilt. In that sense my step parent experience was great. Found him annoying though! He's alright now.

I can't get my head around how you think it's ok to buy one child more presents than the other.
It's mad.

[quote Nnkk]@w0rkout that’s a horrible thing to say. So I should’ve stayed being abused should I?[/quote]
No. That's not what I was replying to.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

I can't get my head around how you think it's ok to buy one child more presents than the other. It's mad.

I can't get my head around how you don't realise that you also think it's okay, as long as it's the resident child getting less. It's actually funny that you don't understand what you're saying.

@ImDoingMe

Where there is animosity, toxicity or abuse then no, the parents should definitely not stay for the sake of the DC.

Where the parents just fall out of love and grow apart then yes I think they should stay for the sake of the DC or part and keep their next relationships separate from the time they spend with the DC until they are older.

Yes this

[quote Whatayear1234]@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken I hope you resolve your issues about Christmas.
We have worked it out fine our end. My daughter doesn't bat an eyelid whe she sees her step brother get £££ more and him either when he sees she gets more presents at our house (because he has had his already).
Venom; slight over reaction.[/quote]
No issues in our house. ☺️ thanks though

@ImDoingMe

Lou,

Of course you should do you and whatever you think is right.

If I was a widow or divorced and I met someone who my DC thought was better than sliced bread, then I'd go for it.

If my DC didn't like the person, showed any stress over it then I wouldn't. At best I'd see them but I'd live separate till they left home.

I don't expect everyone to agree with this but I wouldn't lose a long term relationship with my DC over a man.

But with respect, that's different to what you said in your other post. You said:

"Where the parents just fall out of love and grow apart then yes I think they should stay for the sake of the DC or part and keep their next relationships separate from the time they spend with the DC until they are older.^"
^
Now it seems you're saying (if I've understood correctly), if you meet someone who your kids get on with, go for it. But be mindful and careful if they don't like the person etc. I actually agree with this sentiment.

What I objected to was your blanket rule that parents who are no longer in love shouldn't even dare pursue another relationship or ever seek to be happy with another adult, ever again. I wholeheartedly disagree with this.

He had 2 biological kids who only visited us a few times a year so shows he was a bit of a dick, but he gave me great childhood experiences. Quite sad really.

I'm a stepmother.
I would be absolutely gutted if my step kids talked about me this way. I honestly wasn't out to ruin their lives. I don't think I did. I don't know what I could have done differently.
Should parents not divorce? Would it be better to stay together 'for the children'? If not then should divorced parents never have another relationship?

@Nnkk

I did the right thing.

I know I did.

So how come I’m sitting here in tears because my children got a shit step mother when that was not my fault.

All the stuff on the list my kids have. So I should have stayed?

I’ve asked the op but she’s not answering me, just making nasty horrible digs at someone who left because they were being abused, and instigated a divorce because they naively thought the courts would protect their children, who put themselves last for years and years and never said a bad word and never broke a court order but he did and that is somehow all my fault and I made ma bed?

Not fair. Nasty. Horrible. Unfair.

The op is out of order and this thread is absolutely horrible.

I have barely read your posts and certainly haven't said you should have stayed in an abusive relationship. This thread isn't about you.

Genie,
They share a parent. That parent should spend the same on both. It's not hard

This thread is horrible.

The fault is not with the step parent.

It isn’t with the parent who chooses to leave and divorce.

I did the RIGHT thing. I know I did. But I’m damned by the list.

Why the fuck is this ok? How? How is it ok that I’m fucking my kids up and slated on a bloody PARENTING site for leaving an abusive marriage for the sake of my kids. How is this right ? Why? How? P,ease,can someone tell me.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Genie, They share a parent. That parent should spend the same on both. It's not hard

Ah right so it's okay if the step child gets twice as much? Because they've two parents.

In that case I'll tell dp to spend the same on both his kids, and I'll buy our shared child more so that he has presents from his mum just like dss. Is that okay or can you see how utterly ridiculous you are being?

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken because in our case, both children have both sets of parents.
So he gets roughly equal amount from his mum and dad, and so does our child. Its just that his has been split over two sittings.
I wouldn't buy more on Christmas day to compensate for him already having half his pile. That would be nonsensical.

My DS's father is about to marry a woman who has been an absolute cunt to him. She has done everything she can to sever contact and is triumphant. DS is 9 and autistic. He will never see his father again and the fact his father has chosen this piece of shit over our son speaks volumes 🤷🏻‍♀️.

@w0rkout your fucking list of damnation did.

Don’t you get it?

Your issues aren’t due to step anything.

They’re because your parents weren’t living in the same house. All bar two of the things on your list.

So, as far as your list says, I should’ve stayed with my abusive ex because you don’t like having separated parents. But you want to twist it somehow and stick the boot into divorced people even when those people didn’t bloody dated for 13 years because they put their fucking kids first.

Fuckksake you are so far out of order it’s not true.

@w0rkout

Can I just ask you .
You say you have a great relationship with your dad and stepmum siblings etc , but you also said you were pushed out by your stepmum and sister?

I'm a stepmum, my sd lives with us full time , I'm sorry you've had a bad experience growing up in part of a step family. It's not easy being part of a step family whatever position you have in your family

It'd make me sick to spend different amounts on my children dependent on if they lived with me full time or not.
I'll just have to leave it there I think.

@Nnkk And @CrackALack you speak huge amounts of sense but OP won't listen because she clearly has a vendetta against step parents and step families. Her original thread was deleted because she referenced a thread on the step parenting board that she took offence too and she basically said how dreadful all step parents were... so she's now she's tried to shoehorn her step parent vendetta into a new thread. As my dad would say, we might as well save our breath to cool our porridge. You can't argue with stupid 🤷🏻‍♀️

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken oh ok. I thought you'd had a bad experience over Christmas.
Its what works for everyone individually.
I can see that both children are happy with their lot at Christmas (in our family) and they're genuinely excited to hear what each other got.

[quote Whatayear1234]@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken because in our case, both children have both sets of parents.
So he gets roughly equal amount from his mum and dad, and so does our child. Its just that his has been split over two sittings.
I wouldn't buy more on Christmas day to compensate for him already having half his pile. That would be nonsensical.[/quote]

This is what I was also pointing out.
My daughter's pressies are split over 2 houses (roughly working out as more here than at her dad's); and my partners kids pressies are split across 2 houses (roughly working out as more at their mum's than here). Our baby who is due next year will have just the one home, with ALL of her presents being here. Therefore, her pile way well be bigger. But overall, all 4 children are getting roughly the same.

I think I should add that I have a lovely stepmum who I think the world of.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

It'd make me sick to spend different amounts on my children dependent on if they lived with me full time or not. I'll just have to leave it there I think.

You really don't understand do you? It's funny.