To think you don't let your kids stay up all night when you have company?

[GoToFuckingBed]

DB is visiting for the first time in 18 months with his two kids. We've been separated for a long time by borders and lockdowns. I was obviously very excited to see him, and my nephews too. We spend all day doing things with the kids, then have dinner and play a few games and usually (in the past) the kids would go to bed, and then we can have a bottle of wine, a grown up chat and watch some post watershed TV. Except every single night he has said to his kids they can stay up as late as they want, because it's Christmas. It's the fifth and final night they are with us, and I've just gone to bed before the kids again. They compete to try and make it to midnight and as a mum of a two year old, I can't even make it that late. I get one or two nights as a treat, but I'm annoyed we've had no time to chat about things that we can't say in front of the kids. Annoyed that we haven't got to watch any grown up TV. Just annoyed we've had no child free time! His kids are 7, 9 and 11. Their usual bedtime is 7.30/8pm. I really think they could of gone to bed on time atleast once, so we could catch up properly. I feel a bit sad. It just seems rude to me. AIBU?

Why didnt you SAY something op. You brother might have had no idea..

I think you're being a bit unrealistic expecting an 11 year old to go to bed at 7:30/8:00. DD is 10 and at weekends and holidays usually stays up to close to 9. The last couple of days it's been nearer 10 due to excitement of Christmas etc.
It's possible they were a bit nervous sleeping in another house to go to bed early alone.
But staying up to beyond 10 is a bit rude.

My siblings and I just say what we like and pretend their kids aren’t there. They’re rarely interested in our conversation anyway - they’re often playing or running around wrestling etc.

YABU
It's the holiday season. Let the kids stay up and enjoy themselves, especially if they don't visit that often. My kids bed time has moved on by 3 hrs during the holidays. ( but wake up 3 hrs later too!)

I think you should have broached the subject with your brother and let him know you were wanting at least one night to catch up away from little ears.
I understand the children not going to sleep especially with the Xmas excitement but they should have been told to go to the bedroom and watch a film/read or whatever so you could have had some time.
Its a shame but unless your brother is a mind reader he couldn't have known it was an issue for you.

I’d have thought the same as you, that the kids would have stayed up late most nights but the odd one they’d have been sent upstairs to play computer games or whatever they wanted until the adults went to bed. Leaving the adults downstairs to talk adult talk.

Perhaps he didn’t want to talk adult talk and was using them as a shield?

I don't think they were rude, it's what happens around Christmas. Even I remember staying up to all hours at that time. Was there nowhere you and brother could sit and chat, kitchen even?

I think I'd have gone with asking if he fancied a certain film after the kids went to bed then when he says they could stay up say "oh but I thought we were watching suchandsuch with some wine tonight? Not appropriate for little ears and I wouldn't be able to stay up later than 12."

I also think its really weird guests staying up later than residents.

I think yabu. It's normal for kids to stay up later during the holidays and not everyone feels the same need for "adults only" time in the evenings. In my extended family, the kids were always allowed to stay up and enjoy the special family time at Christmas, and nobody would have dreamt of packing them off to bed just to get them out of the way.

If there was a particular programme that you wanted to watch, you should have said so. Same if you wanted to have a private chat with your db. Communication is key here.

You have visitors for the first time in 18 months - and you want tot watch television? That's terribly rude!
But you could have sent the children up to play in their rooms.

Where are you? Not UK? I'm wondering where it's ok to have another household staying over?

I’m with you on this one OP. Evening is grown up time so, for me, I’d be hoping/expecting visitors to manage their kids to give us at least one child free evening.

As kids we stayed up pretty late but if my parents were entertaining then we were upstairs in our rooms from 8ish unless popping down to get a drink.

Now I have my own DD, even though she’s generally great company, I still reach a point where I’m ready to stop parenting for 2-3 hours in the evening before I go to bed.

When we let the kids stay up late with cousins (when we could!) we usually set them up in another room with a dvd/snacks etc so it's nice for them too and we can chat normally.

YANBU. How often does he stay over (CV aside)? What happens when you visit him?

Well it's their holiday too. Maybe they shouldn't stay with you in future.

@AverageContents

Where are you? Not UK? I'm wondering where it's ok to have another household staying over?

There are a lot of countries where this is the case. I'm in NZ and we haven't been in lockdown since April.

I used to love staying up late at Christmas as a child. If there Emma’s anything you were that desperate to say, you could have asked your brother for a word once the kids had gone to bed.

I see both sides. Maybe you should have broached it before day 5..

That said, my 8yr old has the same 8pm bedtime as any other time of the year because her wake up time is still early (pre 7am) regardless of what time she goes to bed. But kids are different and I imagine being in someone else’s house for 5 days at Xmas is quite exciting for kids

Where are you? Not UK? I'm wondering where it's ok to have another household staying over?

Can’t we have one comment, just one, without the fucking COVID police?

There's no way my 11 year old would be going to bed in the holidays at 8pm. Its 11pm here. Although she probably would've taken herself off to bed with her phone, if permitted.

Yet another drama that could have been solved by simply having a conversation. Why didn't you just say to your brother that you fancied a night in front of the telly, or a catch-up, it whatever. People aren't mind readers. Just let him know what you're thinking instead of quietly seething for days and moaning on here.

At least they are getting to socialise with the cool aunt instead of spraying stardrops on windows.

My kids are still awake. Last night they went to sleep at 1.15am. They got up today at 11 (yesterday at 10). We ve played monopoly till midnight, now all just snuggled in bed watching iPads. It’s their holiday too.

YABU for not saying something. No one can read your mind, and it is their holiday, too. If you'd spoken to your brother, he could have sent the children upstairs or whatever.