To think you don't let your kids stay up all night when you have company?

[GoToFuckingBed]

DB is visiting for the first time in 18 months with his two kids. We've been separated for a long time by borders and lockdowns. I was obviously very excited to see him, and my nephews too. We spend all day doing things with the kids, then have dinner and play a few games and usually (in the past) the kids would go to bed, and then we can have a bottle of wine, a grown up chat and watch some post watershed TV. Except every single night he has said to his kids they can stay up as late as they want, because it's Christmas. It's the fifth and final night they are with us, and I've just gone to bed before the kids again. They compete to try and make it to midnight and as a mum of a two year old, I can't even make it that late. I get one or two nights as a treat, but I'm annoyed we've had no time to chat about things that we can't say in front of the kids. Annoyed that we haven't got to watch any grown up TV. Just annoyed we've had no child free time! His kids are 7, 9 and 11. Their usual bedtime is 7.30/8pm. I really think they could of gone to bed on time atleast once, so we could catch up properly. I feel a bit sad. It just seems rude to me. AIBU?

Maybe one or two nights they could stay up late with you. But really it's not good for the kids either to be out of their routine, they would probably end up hyper that evening and tired the next day. So I'd try to stick to normal routine as much as possible with a couple of "treat nights".

Tbh I wouldn't even make it about adults having catch up time (you kind of have to go with the flow with that I think!) It's more about the kids being calm and happy!

Unfortunately OP this is the downside of your kids getting older! The daytimes are easier, but you lose your adult-only evenings!

A lot of people seem to be debating the actual time that kids "should" go to bed, but I think that varies so much family to family.

The important thing is sticking to whatever their "normal" routine is as much as possible.

@AverageContents

Where are you? Not UK? I'm wondering where it's ok to have another household staying over?

This is becoming ridiculous now, Mumsnet is used by people outside the U.K. and even in the U.K. this would have been allowed in certain areas.

My 10 year old stayed up till midnight Christmas Day and has been averaging 10.30/11 each night, he wouldn't have been impressed being sent to bed around 8
I do think they could have gone upstairs and watched something together whilst you had time with your DB, did you mention to him you would like time to just yourselves?

@StillCoughingandLaughing

Where are you? Not UK? I'm wondering where it's ok to have another household staying over?

Can’t we have one comment, just one, without the fucking COVID police?

Love this.

TBH DC as they get older do stay up late. (partly compensated by lie ins the next day) No more 5am alarm calls! They are excited to be staying with their Aunt and few 11 or 9 year olds would wish to be tucked in by 8 pm.Can you not arrange a walk with DB alone and DH look after the kids maybe ?

Good lord! 11pm for an 11 year old! My eldest is 10 and he’s in bed by 9/9.30 and I feel like that’s pretty late as I like to go to bed by 11.00. If he didn’t go til then we wouldn’t have any time for our own grown up stuff in the evening.
Maybe he’s about to significantly change this year and start spending loads of time in his room but there’s no way my 8 and 10 year old would be up past 9.30 for 5 nights in a row. When we’ve had the occasional late night for things like sports matches, visiting friends and they’ve been up till past 10.30 they need an early night the next night to catch up.

Where are you? Not UK? I'm wondering where it's ok to have another household staying over?
Ridiculous comment 🙄
What are pp's expecting with this line? The OP to apologise and maybe forward her address to contact the police.

My 11 year old would be 9pm on a school day but last couple of days has been 10pm.

I’d have allowed this too. Surely any adult tv you wished to watch you can do later , you’re not missing anything. He clearly wasn’t aware there was anything you wished to discuss with him. But if there was you could easily have said let’s have a glass of wine in the kitchen there is something I wish to discuss with you.

YAB massively U

8pm bedtime for an 11 year old. Hahahaha
quite
even my 6 year old doesn't have a 8pm bedtime on a school day! Not everyone has to get up at 5 or 6am on school days!

It's Christmas with family, you don't get rid of the kids like that. What did you suggest the children might do whilst you were having a "grown-up time"? Did you put a movie for them in another room?

A 7, 9 and 11don't need constant supervision, surely you could have been in one room and them in another.

Expecting guests to watch tv is rather rude.

Good luck if you expect children used to a reasonable bedtime to suddenly disappear once ridiculously early

His kids are 7, 9 and 11. Their usual bedtime is 7.30/8pm.

Are you sure that's the case though? Or are you thinking back to when you used to spend time with them when they were younger? I don't know of any 9 or 11 year olds or many 7 year olds who go to bed at that time on a school night let alone in the holidays or on a trip. My 7 year old would be up at 4am if I put her to bed at 7.30. I do get that might be hard to imagine with a 2 year old. Mine are 7 and 11 and have always stayed up with everyone around Xmas or on visits. Tbh they aren't usually paying attention by a certain time as are on devices so you can each or talk about whatever you like.

YABVU to expect your brother to be a mind reader. You are also BU to expect an 11yo to go to bed at 8pm!

Why not use your words and speak to him? Say you want some adult-only time and can the kids can go upstairs and watch a film or something.

Agree with you Op. they should have been sent to rooms to read/watch TV whatever. Unreasonable to not have any grown up time, and if they're anything like some of my family members, the kids are precocious and bratty to boot.

8pm bedtime for an 11 year old. Hahahaha

One of the nicer things about children growing older is that not only do they stay up later, they also get up later.

Allowing kids to stay up til midnight in his own house is up to BIL. In someone else’s house it’s rude.

I would never dream of going to stay with someone and keeping them up until midnight every night.

Didn’t you ask brother if the kids could go to bed 9 each night so that you get some adult time? And they get to enjoy a late night too.

Or 10

Could it be that bedtime is more of an effort for them than letting them stay up? It’s probably my own fault for co-sleeping for years but my kids - 6 and 8 - are still very clingy and want me to lie with them and won’t often ‘just go upstairs’ even at home let alone in someone else’s house. Last night we all stayed up way after 10 because the adults were on a zoom call with drinks. The kids were in the living room watching various devices and wandering in to say hello occasionally. I chucked them some food and attention every now and then but managed to have adult conversations. If I had to get them to bed it would have meant missing out on a good hour of adult time. We have replicated this in real life when people visited many a time.

I think as you have a little one you have clearer boundaries between kid tile and grown up tile, once they hit the ages your brothers kids are that very definitely blurs as they don't/
Shouldn't need parenting

Porridge
I’d tell someone to eff off if they expected my dd to go to bed at 9 or 10. Shes 12. She doesn’t have a bedtime anymore as she self regulates and goes to sleep when she’s ready. On a school night that can be anything from 8.30 to 10.30, normally in between. These days, I generally go to bed the earliest.

Asking them if they could go and play or watch a film somewhere else, acceptable. But that would need forward planning on ops part seeing as she’s the host.

YABU

Asking them if they could go and play or watch a film somewhere else, acceptable. But that would need forward planning on ops part seeing as she’s the host

No it would need forward planning on BIL’s part as he’s the guest. And anyway OP couldn’t plan ahead from something she didn’t know was going to happen.