To think you don't let your kids stay up all night when you have company?

[GoToFuckingBed]

DB is visiting for the first time in 18 months with his two kids. We've been separated for a long time by borders and lockdowns. I was obviously very excited to see him, and my nephews too. We spend all day doing things with the kids, then have dinner and play a few games and usually (in the past) the kids would go to bed, and then we can have a bottle of wine, a grown up chat and watch some post watershed TV. Except every single night he has said to his kids they can stay up as late as they want, because it's Christmas. It's the fifth and final night they are with us, and I've just gone to bed before the kids again. They compete to try and make it to midnight and as a mum of a two year old, I can't even make it that late. I get one or two nights as a treat, but I'm annoyed we've had no time to chat about things that we can't say in front of the kids. Annoyed that we haven't got to watch any grown up TV. Just annoyed we've had no child free time! His kids are 7, 9 and 11. Their usual bedtime is 7.30/8pm. I really think they could of gone to bed on time atleast once, so we could catch up properly. I feel a bit sad. It just seems rude to me. AIBU?

I'd try and get the older ones in bed for 9 /9.30 tbh. Even if they're just reading a book or something in bed.

YABU - bed by 8pm is what parents of 2yo expect but completely unrealistic for an 11yo.

Why didn't you just say to him that you wanted one night to catch up without the kids? He's not a mindreader

Can’t we have one comment, just one, without the fucking COVID police?

👮

Did you use that wet waggly thing in your mouth to let him know how you feel?

If so and he ignored you, YANBU.

I'm wondering where it's ok to have another household staying over?

Ffs, loads of places in the English speaking world. I'm in QLD, Aus, and we have not been in any kind of lockdown or restrictions within our area since March.

Can we not just use a bit of brain power and consider that these kinds of posts are being written by people who aren't in England?

Having not seen your n’s for 18 months, I imagine a lot has changed for them in that time. The 11 yo is no longer 9 for starters. There’s a massive difference between age 9 and 11. A 7.30/8 bedtime for an 11 yo even on a school night is incredibly early.

I would have expected the children to go to bed at maybe 10/11pm rather than allow a midnight competition to start. Maybe earlier for the youngest. It sounds as if your db basically wanted to not do bedtime for a few days. I don’t blame him tbh.

I think that as a parent of a toddler you'd probably assumed that you'd have an adult evening without dc, but that stops being the norm as your dc get older, and have the dc around probably feels pretty normal to the parent of an 11yo.

Surely with dc of those ages there will be times when they are engaged in their own activities when you can chat about adult stuff?

YABU.

^His kids are 7, 9 and 11. Their usual bedtime is 7.30/8pm.^
Whatnow?
This is an extraordinarily early bedtime.

It's also really weird that you spent the entire time during the days fully engaged with the children. Kids aged 7-11 don't need adults organising activities or for hands on supervision all the time.

Agree with the others that it's their holiday too, and if you didn't tell your brother what you were expecting than you have no one to blame but yourself.

Also, it's a weird year and I think a lot of parents have been letting things like bedtimes slip to give the kids something to be happy about.

I'm confused how he has 2 kids aged 7, 9 and 11. 😆

Meh, it's the holidays. Can't you just put a film on for them in the living room and have some drinks and a catch-up with your brother in the kitchen or something? Our bedtimes also go out the window around Christmas time.

Tbh it's your own fault for not saying something. He's not a mind reader.

I think for 5 nights in a row it’s a bit much to be going sleep at midnight. However did the kids not sleep in the morning? Could you not have chatted in the morning OP?

The 11 year old is old enough stay up till midnight.

The other kids should have been in bed a bit earlier. It is the holidays though so I can understand your brother too... it’s been a rubbish year live and let be

Yabu to not be happy with a situation but not bother to resolve it when it was possible to do so and then complain about it as if it was something you could have done nothing about.

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell

At least they are getting to socialise with the cool aunt instead of spraying stardrops on windows.

And if left to themselves upstairs would no doubt have had a drunk pizza-eating contest and got sick in a bedroom bin.

In the holidays that would not be too unusual, maybe he likes a lie in if he is more of a night owl. You don't mention a SIL so perhaps he knows that if they are up late he will get a lie in. 7.30-8 is early for an 11 year old, another time though maybe suggest an alternative activity for the dc so you can chat. Not sure why you want to watch TV when you can chat, can't you do that on catch up in the morning or when they have gone.

I think it’s quite normal during the holidays to let kids stay up; I think if I’d been you I would have found a way for the kids to be in another room watching a movie/playing a game etc and the adults sit in another room chatting. When we see friends with older kids that’s what we do; they interrupt a lot but you can manage conversations about things you wouldn’t talk about with them sitting next to you.

O would have been annoyed and would have to say something.
If you weren't prepared to do thT you have to accept people parent different.

8pm bedtime for an 11 year old. Hahahaha

My brother in law does this, I hate it. We don't have kids but when we see them we make loads of effort to plan child friendly activities/food/entertainment but we also look forward to them going to bed so that the adults can have some time. But he will tell them they can stay up. I think that he thinks it's a real treat for us and that it maximises the time we get to spend with the kids. For us, it's quality not quantity.

And if I loved spending all my waking hours with children, I'd have my own!

I think they should have been sent to their room at least, maybe not to actual sleep but on the odd night they should have been told to take play upstairs now/watch a film in their room/play Xbox or whatever so you could have some alone time with your brother.

YANBU to want to catch up with your brother for a little bit without kids running round.

@AverageContents

Where are you? Not UK? I'm wondering where it's ok to have another household staying over?

This would be fine where I am too. Effing covid police.

7.30/8pm when visiting family during Christmas hols seems very early for even the 7 year old.

Maybe 9.30/10pm but I expect dB knows his kids to settle before ready is not worth the hassle.

Yanbu for feeling this way.
Yabu for not mentioning it to your DB and finding a solution together.

The oldest is 11. At that age I wouldn't expect them to go to bed before 10/11 on a non school night anyway. Yabu. Yes toddlers go to bed but they are not that young, 7.30 bedtime is for tots