To think it doesn’t really matter how I hold my cutlery.

[Frosty2894]

With all the things going on in the world right now, I’m writing a post about how we hold cutlery.

I remember being told I’m cack handed by my grandmother when I was a child 🤨 she didn’t say it in a nasty way but said she was similar.

I’m right handed. I hold my fork in my right hand and knife in left. This is the way I’ve always done it and felt comfortable, was never told or taught the correct way.

For years my partner has joked about how I can’t hold a knife and fork properly and even mentioned trying it the other way. I’ve tried - it doesn’t feel right to me. He told me that his mother would probably tell me to switch hands as it’s her ‘pet gate’. We’ve been together for 9 years. He’s not mentioned it for a while (until tonight) and I’ve avoided eating in front of his mother as much as possible else I feel paranoid. Feel like I’m being watched!

Generally my table manners are okay I think. I’m not a complete slob when It comes to eating or anything!

Aibu to think it really doesn’t matter? Partner has mentioned it tonight and does it really bleddy matter?!

Incidentally, as devastated as I am to learn the senior halls of elite accountancy will never be open to me, the wealthiest and most successful people I personally know (which includes at least one person who has both Boris Johnson and Dom Cumming's personal mobile phone numbers - and no I don't consider that anything to be proud of either) are mostly from either immigrant or working class backgrounds.

The one truly upper class friend I have (she was Deb of the Year when we were teenagers) is an actress and I have no idea how she holds her cutlery since I've never seen her eat anything other than chips. Admittedly mainly Honest Burger rosemary fries - are they posh? I feel like they're posh, but what do I know. Happy for Jane or Sharon to educate me re: relative poshness of fried potato products.

If it is becoming an issue, I suggest you chuck all the cutlery away and replace with this instead...

urbangifts.com/products/constructive-eating-cutlery-and-plate-bundle

@wellthatsunusual

What I described was merely a sifting process, I presume.

Is there no employment law in England? How does any employer get away with stuff like that, particularly if it's a public sector role?

It is part of the interview process, exactly the same as if you set tasks for a candidate. For example, when I interview Head teachers they will have several different tasks that they will be scored on, from giving an assembly to giving feedback to a teacher after a lesson.

I can imagine that Towie people would be insufferable, but people like Rod Stewart would be total darlings.

But presumably not how they hold their cutlery at lunch?

Ignore that! The wrong quote posted. I have no idea how Rod Stewart holds his knife & fork .

Should have been

It is part of the interview process, exactly the same as if you set tasks for a candidate. For example, when I interview Head teachers they will have several different tasks that they will be scored on, from giving an assembly to giving feedback to a teacher after a lesson.

It is part of the interview process, exactly the same as if you set tasks for a candidate.

So people know they are being tested and marked on this? I suppose that would make it a bit better, although only a bit. I thought the way the post was worded that the people would be oblivious to the fact that they were being sifted in this way.

If you’re a partner in a law firm you’re usually earning a minimum of £250k a year - the average pay is half a million. This is such a tiny substratum of society that the example is effectively irrelevant. In the vast majority of well-paying professions you will not be ‘tested’ on well how you hold your cutlery (or your drink).

His first “interview”, in leaving university, was in the form of a lunch for all candidates. Even dress code was left deliberately vague and people were asked to “dress comfortably”. That was the first test, obviously.

So they actively misled the candidates with that dress code.

They can keep their snobby job in that case. Nothing "obvious" in that being a test and incredibly classist to boot.

I wouldn't say anything to anyone but holding cutlery in the wrong hands stands out a mile to me. It looks clumsy and I instantly assume their parents failed to correct them. I see it in restaurants sometimes.

@wellthatsunusual

It is part of the interview process, exactly the same as if you set tasks for a candidate.

So people know they are being tested and marked on this? I suppose that would make it a bit better, although only a bit. I thought the way the post was worded that the people would be oblivious to the fact that they were being sifted in this way.

I think they are all sufficiently clever to read between the lines.

@acatcalledjohn

His first “interview”, in leaving university, was in the form of a lunch for all candidates. Even dress code was left deliberately vague and people were asked to “dress comfortably”. That was the first test, obviously.

So they actively misled the candidates with that dress code.

They can keep their snobby job in that case. Nothing "obvious" in that being a test and incredibly classist to boot.

So they actively misled the candidates with that dress code.

No they didn’t.

"Dress comfortably" doesn't mean finery. So yes, misled.

"I wonder what certain posters would make of Ethiopian food, where the "cutlery" is basically bread."

Well what are you trying to imply by that? That because they use bread to eat food, they don't have any table etiquette? I don't know much about Ethiopia, but take India/Pakistan, cultures that also use bread to eat food. You can only use your right hand to eat. If you went there and used your left hand to eat your food and someone from that culture corrected you, would you roll your eyes and think how uptight they were being?

EVERY culture has table etiquette. If you stab at food with your chopsticks in Japan, you are going to look like a bit of a twat. Are you suggesting that this is somehow wrong for these cultures to have these rules? Or is it only British people who should chill out and hold their knife and fork any way they please?

By the way, we also use bread to eat our food. It's called a sandwich.

I think they are all sufficiently clever to read between the lines.

So it's not a formal interview task then? That's why I was asking if there is no law covering that sort of thing? It would never be allowed where I live on account of fair employment law which covers recruitment practices. Everywhere I have worked, even internal recruitment trawls have involved a formal application process. At shortlisting the panel don't even see the candidates name, much less how they hold their cutlery.

It does matter a lot. Like any tool, there is a correct way to use it for optimal effectiveness. It's also a cultural norm, like the Chinese using chopsticks in a standard way. It is very simple to use cutlery the right way. It looks appalling to use it incorrectly.

OK, this might seem like a random question - but are you dyslexic?

Its one of the signs. The reason I realised my son was dyslexic was due to all the 'other' signs, such as that and struggling to learn to tie shoelaces.

@missmouse101

It does matter a lot. Like any tool, there is a correct way to use it for optimal effectiveness. It's also a cultural norm, like the Chinese using chopsticks in a standard way. It is very simple to use cutlery the right way. It looks appalling to use it incorrectly.

Why are people on this thread so endlessly obtuse? I am left handed so for ‘optimal effectiveness’ I hold my knife in my left hand. Therefore that is the correct way for me. Why does it look appalling?

@Girlyracer

I wouldn't say anything to anyone but holding cutlery in the wrong hands stands out a mile to me. It looks clumsy and I instantly assume their parents failed to correct them. I see it in restaurants sometimes.

Would you also think the parents had failed to correct a person who writes with their left hand?

@Girlyracer

I wouldn't say anything to anyone but holding cutlery in the wrong hands stands out a mile to me. It looks clumsy and I instantly assume their parents failed to correct them. I see it in restaurants sometimes.

But a left hander using cutlery "in the right hands" would look clumsy. Can I suggest that these right handed posters with these 19th century ideals try eating with their knife in their left hand and see just how wrong it feels to them.

Why do some posters continue with this out of date discrimination?

I think it is a useful life skill to learn how to eat food in many different cultures.
As a PP said don't think that cultures who eat with bare hands have no etiquette.
There are certain rules to follow and to break those rules in public is considered very bad manners and disrespectful.
Knocking your bowl with chopsticks is considered very rude, and sticking chopsticks into rice can cause deep offence.

I think it is helpful to understand the rules of our own country and those of others- as much as we can.

JFC, Mumsnet managed 19 pages on the right way to hold a knife and fork, this website really is full of upper class snobs isn't it.

@DayBath holding cutlery properly is upper class?

[quote FunkBus]@DayBath holding cutlery properly is upper class?[/quote]
No, but if you read the thread the people who are being snooty about it seem to feel they are. Bloody idiots.

Mumsnet managed 19 pages on the right way to hold a knife and fork, this website really is full of upper class snobs isn't it.

If you've read this thread, you'll see that it isn't full of them - there is a good number of us discussing from the pov that:
A. It's rude to stare at people's hands when you're in company instead of meeting their eye;
B. It makes no difference whatsoever to you which hands people hold their cutlery in - if it does, stop staring at their hands. Perhaps you'd also like to ask them what colour pants they're wearing, to see if you approve of that as well;
C. People are eating politely in a way that is comfortable for them as an individual - they are not a performing monkey who is only there to act as an extension of your preferences;
D. Many people who find it more comfortable to hold their cutlery this way are left-handed. Now, it isn't a 'fashionable' thing any more, but in living memory, the 10% of people with this normal, standard variation of how humans are 'wired' have been considered evil, mentally ill dangerous etc. purely because of this. They have been forced by those who should have been helping and caring for them - often with threats and violence - to act in denial of this normal variation. Imagine somebody telling you that you have to start using your feet to write with - that would go against all of your natural instincts and common sense, wouldn't it? Even to this day, people with natural African hair are told that it is messy, unprofessional, socially unacceptable, and that they must try to change it to look more like the European hair they were never naturally supposed to have at all. Most young children can understand and accept that not everybody is the same as them, so what does it say of an adult who could but actively chooses not to do the same?
E. To summarise: just because somebody is not the same as you and doesn't have the exact same preferences for how they do very minor things, it does not mean that they are wrong. By sitting there arrogantly judging them, you are merely wasting your own life by filling yourself with pointless frustration and proving what a rude, unsocialised person you yourself are.

Sorry, DayBath - that rant wasn't aimed at you; just at the thread in general.